The Mind of the Married Man

Mickey:
In my next life, I'm coming back as a husband that takes a lot less sh*t!

Mickey:
Last year, 9 million dollars were spent on pornography. I figure, women spent about 36 bucks of that. Now, that's a big divide between men and women.

Psychiatrist:
You're saying that justifies you cheating on your wife?

Mickey:
No. I'm a card-carrying pervert. But, of that 9 million, I only pitched in a hundred bucks or so. What I'm saying is, that monogamy is unnatural. It's a circus act. You see that monkey, in the circus, riding a unicycle and you know it's not natural. He had to be taught to get that way. He kept trying and he kept falling. God bless the little guy. So, when he finally gets it right, I hope you could forgive him if he falls off and slips into a pile of elephant sh*t.

[Willa Ford and her dancers, dancing to the tune of "I Wanna Be Bad", appear in front Mickey's bed]

Willa Ford:
[stops dancing] Am I too young for you now?

Mickey:
No. No, you're perfect.

Willa Ford:
Not even in your dreams, old man.

[Willa flips him the finger and disappears]