The Music Man

Harold Hill:
A man can't turn tail and run just because a little personal risk is involved. What did Shakespeare say? "Cowards die a thousand deaths, the brave man... only 500"?

Mayor Shinn:
It's as clear as a buttonhook in the well water!

[in song]

Citizens of River City:
So what the heck? You're welcome! Join us at the picnic! You can eat your fill of all the food you bring yourself.

Mayor Shinn:
You watch your phraseology!

[in song]

Mrs. Paroo:
When a woman's got a husband, and you've got none, why should she take advice from you? Even if you can quote Balzac and Shakespeare and all them other high-falutin' Greeks.

[in song]

Marian Paroo:
Do you think that I'd allow a common masher - ? Now, really, mama. I have my standards where men are concerned and I have no intention...

Mrs. Paroo:
I know all about your standards and if you don't mind my sayin' so there's not a man alive who could hope to measure up to that blend of Paul Bunyan, Saint Pat, and Noah Webster you've concocted for yourself out of your Irish imagination, your Iowa stubbornness, and your li'berry full of books!

[in song]

Alma Hix:
Oh yes, that woman made brazen overtures, with a guilt-edge guarantee / She had a golden glint in her eye and a silver voice with a counterfeit ring / Just melt her down and you'll reveal / a lump of lead as cold as steel / Here, where a woman's heart should be.

[in song]

Harold Hill:
I cheer, and I rave, for the virtue I'm too late to save, the sadder but wiser girl for me... I smile, I grin when the gal with a touch of sin walks in / I hope and I pray for Hester to win just one more "A" / The sadder but wiser girl's the girl for me / The sadder but wiser girl for me.

[in song]

Harold Hill:
Seventy-six trombones led the big parade / with a hundred and ten cornets close at hand / They were followed by rows and rows of the finest virtuosos / the cream of every famous band!

Marian Paroo:
No, please, not tonight. Maybe tomorrow.

Harold Hill:
Oh, my dear little librarian. You pile up enough tomorrows, and you'll find you are left with nothing but a lot of empty yesterdays. I don't know about you, but I'd like to make today worth remembering.

Marian Paroo:
Oh, so would I.

[On Marion's choosiness when it comes to men]

Mrs. Paroo:
It's a well-known principle that if you keep the flint in one drawer and the steel in the other, you'll never strike much of a fire.

Marcellus Washburn:
I heard you was in steam automobiles.

Harold Hill:
I was... till someone actually 'invented' one!

Marcellus Washburn:
This is where I work.

Harold Hill:
You mean you *live* in this town?

Marcellus Washburn:
Yeah, I like it, too. I mean it's not Brooklyn, New York. It's not the City of Homes and Churches and...

Harold Hill:
[amazed] "Brooklyn"? Marce, this isn't even *Dubuque*!

Harold Hill:
I always think there's a band, kid.

Harold Hill:
Think, boys. Think!

Harold Hill:
[Marian and Winthrop are urging the Professor to leave before the crowd arrives] I can't go, Winthrop.

Winthrop Paroo:
Why not?

Harold Hill:
Well, for the first time in my life, I got my *foot* caught in the door.

[In song]

Marian Paroo:
There was love all around, but I never heard it singing. No I never heard it at all, Till There Was You.

Charlie Cowell:
Don't believe I caught your name.

Harold Hill:
Don't believe I *dropped* it.

Salesman on train:
How far you going, friend?

Harold Hill:
Wherever the people are as green as the money... friend.

Marian Paroo:
The librarian hasn't felt much like doing research lately, but she did plenty when you first came here.

Harold Hill:
What about?

Marian Paroo:
Professor Harold Hill. Gary Conservatory of Music, gold medal class of '05. Harold, there wasn't any Gary Conservatory of Music in '05.

Harold Hill:
Why, there most certainly w...

Marian Paroo:
Because the town wasn't even built until '06. I tore this page out of an Indiana Journal. I was going to use it against you, but now I give to you with all my heart.

Marcellus Washburn:
Thar she blows.

Harold Hill:
[winces] Well, I'll do it, but I won't like it.

Marcellus Washburn:
[amused] No, that's not the librarian. That's Mrs. Shinn, the mayor's wife.

Mrs. Shinn:
Now, George!

Mayor Shinn:
Not one poop out of you, Madame!

Mrs. Shinn:
[turning to Zaneeta] I think he means "peep"!

Mayor Shinn:
[looks back] *Yes!*

Zaneeta:
It's indecent to meet boys at the footbridge!

Tommy Djilas:
First thing after supper?

Zaneeta:
All right! Ye Gods!

Tommy Djilas:
Great hawk!

Zaneeta:
Papa, please! It's 'Capulets' like you who make blood in the marketplace! Ye Gods!

Ethel Toffelmier:
I'm Ethel Tofflemier. The pianola girl.

Harold Hill:
Mothers of River City, heed that warning before it's too late! Watch for the telltale signs of corruption! The minute your son leaves the house, does he rebuckle his knickerbockers below the knee? Is there a nicotine stain on his index finger? A dime-novel hidden in the corncrib? Is he starting to memorize jokes from Captain Billy's Whiz-Bang? Are certain words creeping into his conversation? Words like "swell" and "so's your old man"? If so my friends, ya got trouble!

Mayor Shinn:
I couldn't make myself any plainer if I'se a Quaker on his day off!

Amaryllis:
I'm having a party on Saturday. I'd like it if you could come.

Mrs. Paroo:
Well, Amaryllis asked you to her party. Are you going or not?

Winthrop Paroo:
No

Mrs. Paroo:
No what?

Winthrop Paroo:
No, thank you.

Mrs. Paroo:
No thank you, who? You know the little girl's name.

Amaryllis:
I bet he won't say it.

Mrs. Paroo:
No, "thank you, WHO," Winthrop?

Winthrop Paroo:
No, thank you, AMARYLLITH!

Amaryllis:
Amaryllith! Amaryllith!

Harold Hill:
Ladies and gentlemen, either you are closing your eyes to a situation you do not wish to acknowledge, or you are not aware of the caliber of disaster indicated by the presence of a pool table in your community!

[repeated line]

Zaneeta:
Ye, Gods!

Train conductor:
[Turning to a salesman when he is about to light a cigarette] River City, station stop River City. Just crossed the state line into Iowa. Population of River, twenty-two hundred and twelve. Cigarettes illegal in this state!

Harold Hill:
So now I'm back at the old stand.

Marcellus Washburn:
Not boys' bands? Well, ain't no call for a boys' band in this town. Anything these Iowa people don't have already, they do without.

Mrs. Shinn:
[answering doorbell the Prof Hill rang] Oh, George, it's you.

Mayor Shinn:
[to Prof Hill] I never had a son!

Mrs. Shinn:
[not seeing Prof Hill] I never said you did.

Mayor Shinn:
What would you know?

Mrs. Shinn:
Well, I'd certainly know if I gave you a son!

Mayor Shinn:
I wasn't talking to you.

Mrs. Shinn:
Well who were you talking to?

Mayor Shinn:
I was talking to- [realizes that Prof Hill is no longer there] Never mind! [Mayor Shinn storms away]

Mrs. Shinn:
Zaneta, call the doctor for your father.

Constable Locke:
That was pretty good, Professor, but you made a couple of mistakes.

Harold Hill:
Oh?

Constable Locke:
Yeah, the billiard hall and that pool table belong to Mayor Shinn.

Harold Hill:
Oh [looks thoughtful] What was my other mistake?

Constable Locke:
That Zaneta, she's the mayor's oldest girl.

Tommy Djilas:
Mayor Shinn, your honor, your daughter and I have been going steady behind your back.

Mayor Shinn:
What?

Tommy Djilas:
We'd rather be doing it in front of your back.

Mayor Shinn:
Doing what?

Tommy Djilas:
Well...

Mayor Shinn:
Never mind!

Mrs. Shinn:
[leading the other 'hens' in song] Pick a little, talk a little, pick a little, talk a little, cheep cheep cheep, talk a lot, pick a little more...

Citizens of River City:
Good morning, Mayor Shinn!

Mayor Shinn:
It is if you wanna go around in your drawers all day!

Harold Hill:
Oh this is a refined operation son, and I've got it timed down to the last wave of the brakeman's hand on the last train outta town.

Mayor Shinn:
[referring to Harold Hill] He's slipperier'n a *Mississippi... sturgeon*!

Charlie Cowell:
Who do you think you're protectin'? That guy's got a gal in every county in Illinois and that * 102 * counties. Not countin' the piano teachers like you he cozies up to, just keep your mouths shut! Neither one of you's heard the last o' me, girly-girl!