The Nail Gun Massacre

The killer:
[to the first victim] What do you think? Those are the worst headaches... the ones between the eyes? [laughing]

[Mark and his girlfriend are making out on the bed]

Mark:
[suddenly] Oh, sh*t! What time is it?

Mark's Girlfriend:
[eager to have sex] It's time for the organ transplant and you're the donor and I'm the recipient.

Mark:
No, really. What time is it?

[Mark's girlfriend is sad because he has to go to work]

Mark's Girlfriend:
[showing her breasts to Mark] They need some attention, they're lonely, they need someone to play with.

[Mark repeats that he can't stay]

Mark's Girlfriend:
[angry] But you said that we could play doctor all day long, today!

[Mark and Brad go to the forest to cut wood. While they walk between the trees, they talk about a homicidal prowler]

Mark:
Yeah, just let that killer show up, 'cause I'll cut 'em up with this chainsaw.

[Brad walks away from Mark and searches for a place to urinate. Without being seen, the nail gun killer has arrived at the forest and stops behind Brad. Brad hears the footsteps and gets annoyed]

Brad:
[urinating] Hold on, Mark. You want me to piss on you?

[Brad turns and urinates on the left leg of the killer]

The killer:
Well, you just pissed me off!

Brad:
[surprised and scared] Oh, sh*t...

[the nail gun killer shoots him in the stomach and laughs. Brad falls to the ground, screaming in pain]

The killer:
I bet this will stop that leak.

[the nailer shoots Brad in the crotch, Brad screams again and the killer walks away. Meanwhile, Mark gets mad because Brad doesn't appear. Quickly, the killer goes toward him and shoots him too. Mark keels over, causing him to lose control of his chainsaw, which cuts a hand off]

The killer:
Now, now, you really shouldn't fall to pieces... over me.

[Tom is buying groceries in an old store]

Storekeeper:
[to Tom] Do you remember when you could sit outside and not worry about the mosquitoes and the killers?

[surprised, Tom smiles]