The Nanny Diaries

Annie Braddock:
In Africa they have the saying, it takes a village to raise a child. But for the tribe of the upper-eastside of Manhattan, it takes just one person. The nanny.

[from trailer]

Mrs. X:
Nanny... what are you doing?

Mrs. X:
Nanny, you never mentioned you had a mother!

Annie Braddock:
Okay Mrs. X, now it's time for a few simple childcare rules.

Human Resources Director:
Oh, alright, the teddy bear has been compromised.

Annie Braddock:
Slamming the door in your kid's face is *not* okay. Spending more time on a benefit for kids that you've never met than you do with your own blood is *not* okay. Going to a SPA when your son has a fever of a hundred and four and not answering emergency calls, that officially makes you an unfit mother.

Mrs. X:
This is outrageous. Stop the tape.

Human Resources Director:
Uh, no. This is clearly a disgruntled nanny. W-we might have something to learn here.

Annie Braddock:
Now I know that you're all pretty busy with your hair appointments, and your watsu massages and your attempts to stay young so your husbands won't leave you. But here's an idea! Why don't you try eating dinner with your child every once in a blue moon. And heads up here, lady, try smiling once in a while. People hate you.

Jamaican Nanny:
Stop eatin' them boogers!

Annie Braddock:
My desire to be an observer of life was actually keeping me from having one.

Grayer:
I love you best! [referring to Nanny]

Annie Braddock:
You want to know about the dads? I'll tell you about the dads. They're chubby, bald, steak-eating, cigar-smoking, type-A pigs who get more turned on by the Bloomberg Wire than they do by any hot nannies. Actually, it's all of you in about 5 years. So take it from me, guys: Enjoy tonight, because your future looks pretty f***ing bleak.

Annie Braddock:
There's a common belief among anthropologists that you must immerse yourself in an unfamiliar world in order to truly understand your own.

Annie Braddock:
C'mon, grove, why won't you shake your booty?

Grayer:
'Cause I have to make a doodie.

Mrs. X:
Keep your voice down, there are mimes in the other room.

Grayer:
When I grow up, I want to have enough money to build the real castle.

Annie Braddock:
Just remember, Grove, that money can't buy love.

Grayer:
But mommy pays you money, and I love you!