The Other End of the Line

Granger Woodruff:
Nothing should ever hold a man back from his future.

Priya R. Sethi:
It's just, something happened when I was gone. I jumped in the ocean. I got sick eating chocolates. I just fell in love.

Kit Hawksin:
Look, fellas, I don't want my customers thinking what their bed was doing before they got in it.

Zia:
You know you're crazy, right?

Priya R. Sethi:
Hm.

Zia:
What if this guy turns out to be from a bad family and kidnaps you and makes you clean their toilets and, like, clean their dirty cats and all?

Priya R. Sethi:
Then he's in real trouble. I'm not a good cleaner.

Priya R. Sethi:
I promise you I'll be back in two pieces.

Charlie Hendricks:
May I speak, sir?

Kit Hawksin:
Only to say thank you.

Charlie Hendricks:
Thank you.

Kit Hawksin:
You're welcome.

Charlie Hendricks:
We're gonna knock your socks off.

Kit Hawksin:
And then he ruins it by speaking again.

Kit Hawksin:
Didn't we talk about that? Didn't I ask you not to speak so much? Didn't I tell you to learn to listen? Don't you want to be a nice boy? Didn't I tell you to be more like him?

[points to silent Japanese aide Mike]

Kit Hawksin:
Here, watch this. "You hair's on fire." "But I don't WANT a Honda." Learn from this.

Kit Hawksin:
Mumbai, that's the New York of India, right? I hear there's quite an explosion of jobs there.

Priya R. Sethi:
I like to think of New York as the Mumbia of America, both with talented human resources.

Priya R. Sethi:
I don't have time to eat your poisoned candy.

Granger Woodruff:
It's just a little poison. Come on. Just one bite?

Granger Woodruff:
Are you being sassy? I mean, you've been here, what, three days, and you've already picked up sass? I mean, couldn't you just take home a magnet or a T-shirt?

Kit Hawksin:
Excuse me. Did you say you're looking for a young Indian girl?

Manju R. Sethi:
Yes! Yes-yes. Yes.

Kit Hawksin:
I think I know the girl. I should. I gave her a hotel room last night. Pretty girl. No, I'm saying, good-looking kid. Wait a minute. Is this about me paying for it? 'Cause, I'll be honest with you, I do it all the time.

Rajeev Sethi:
You are the one who has kidnapped my daughter!

Kit Hawksin:
Wait! Kidnapped? Take it easy. Buddy, she wanted it. She liked it.

Ula:
Yeah.

Manju R. Sethi:
Is she with you?

Kit Hawksin:
No, no, no. I was with her LAST night. Tonight she's probably with a guy I know. Or maybe two. He's got a partner.

Rajeev Sethi:
[finding that his son messed up the house] That's it. My children are hooligan. I've done nothing right! Just go to weeds.

Manju R. Sethi:
Oh, no, please, plaease, please, one minute.

Rajeev Sethi:
He is probably following the example of his sister to see who can humiliate the family more - he with the party or she who ran away to America with some stranger.

Govinda R. Sethi:
Definitely the one who ran away.

Manju R. Sethi:
You see, you are part of a family, and you are NOT entitled to hog all the happiness just for yourself.

Granger Woodruff:
I kind of feel like James Bond. Only, I probably don't smell as good as he does.

Vij:
I think you smell great.

Granger Woodruff:
Thanks.

[Granger attempts to address Rajeev in Hindi]

Rajeev Sethi:
Try English, boy. You're hurting my ears.