The Perfect Man

Holly Hamilton:
Patsy's back, it's packing time.

Holly Hamilton:
[Patsy Cline's "I Fall To Pieces" plays] Patsy's back. It's packing time.

Wichita Girl:
Does this mean you're not going to the dance?

Holly Hamilton:
We'll be gone by the end of the week. I'll stay in touch.

Jean Hamilton:
Surprise!

Amy Pearl:
Hey you. Yeah, you. How much your kicks cost you?

Holly Hamilton:
What?

Gloria:
[to Jean] You never eat the cakes?

Jean Hamilton:
Girls, this is my daughter Holly.

Dr. Fitch:
That's a great comment, Mrs...

Jean Hamilton:
Miss Hamilton. I also wondered if you'd thought of a monthly mixer for single parents. Not that I don't want to meet married parents as well. I would. It's just that sometimes we single parents have different concerns than married ones. Different priorities, if you know what I mean. And by priorities, I mean: I need to meet a good man.

PTA Man:
In that case, where do I sign up?

Jean Hamilton:
So you're just not going to talk to me for the rest of your life? Oh, come on, Holly. Every unmarried parent there appreciated the suggestion.

Holly Hamilton:
Did it ever occur to you that the point of the meeting wasn't for the needs of the single parent? That the point of the meeting was maybe for, I don't know, the kids?

Jean Hamilton:
Well, sure. I was just thinking ...

Holly Hamilton:
About you! Because you're always thinking about you.

Holly Hamilton:
Hey mom.

Holly Hamilton:
Hey all you bloggers, it's me, the girl on the move. Well my mom got her heart broken again, so we're setting off on another big adventure. That's my mom's word for running away.

Holly Hamilton:
I'm whipped, so time to hit the sheets, even though I have no idea which box there in.

Holly Hamilton:
It always starts the same. I mean, she starts out hopeful, and then when the perfect man doesn't come around in two weeks, she gets desperate and hooks up with some loser. Some guy who's not even good enough to mop her floors. And then, when it doesn't work out, because it never works out, we pack up and move again, and there's nothing I can do about it. I can't even run away because that's what she does.

Holly Hamilton:
The River Bistro? What are we doing here? I can't even afford to pee in a place like this. Much less actually eat here.

Amy Pearl:
Relax, it's under control. My uncle's the owner.

Holly Hamilton:
[looks at Lance] Him?

Uncle Ben:
[on the phone] You've got to be kidding.

Amy Pearl:
No, him.

Uncle Ben:
[on the phone] No you didn't do that, did you?

Uncle Ben:
[on the phone] Why wouldn't she mad, huh? Well, there's only one thing you can do: flowers. And you can't go cheap, either. Nope. A dozen, long-stemmed.

Amy Pearl:
He knows about females.

Lance:
He knows more about females than I know about females.

Uncle Ben:
[on the phone] In my opinion roses always work, always.

Holly Hamilton:
He doesn't actually believe that, does he?

Holly Hamilton:
Was that the buzzer?

Jean Hamilton:
[after Lenny gives her a yellow rose] I love orchids. Thank you.

Lenny:
This is a rose.

Jean Hamilton:
Which I also love.

Holly Hamilton:
It's impossible that Lenny is your secret admirer.

Jean Hamilton:
Nothing's impossible.

Holly Hamilton:
No. Some things are. Like a man that sends you an orchid, the most romantic flower, and then turns around and sends you a yellow rose. That's the kind of flower that someone sends their sick grandmother in the hospital.

Lenny:
Hey, Holly, your mom said Saturday night is movie night. So, what do you say on me, you take Princess Zoe here, you guys go see "Bambi".

Holly Hamilton:
I'm not actually sure that "Bambi" is still in theatres. Which is such a shame, because I am just dying to take my seven year old little sister to a movie where the mom gets killed by the evil male hunter.

Zoe Hamilton:
I want to go see that.

Jean Hamilton:
Oh, wow. It's great.

Lenny:
Yeah, it's a nineteen eighty, Pontiac Trans Am two-door hardtop. Got the original paint, the original exhaust. I rebuilt the tranny, tweaked the mill. And as a matter of fact, I got... got some new passenger mats right here, so would you mind just taking your shoes off? Before you get in?

Holly Hamilton:
We need to know what the perfect man would do as a follow up to the orchid.

Uncle Ben:
Well, can't we talk about it tomorrow?

Lance:
Wait, what could be more important than the perfect man? Oh, duh. Perfect shoes.

Uncle Ben:
Well, girls, I'm really not an authority on this.

Holly Hamilton:
What makes today's perfect man perfect? What is it that he says or does that makes him a woman's perfect man?

Holly Hamilton:
If you met Lenny, you'd lick the envelopment, and lend me a stamp.

Holly Hamilton:
It's nothing. It's just, I'm going through my teenage years. And that's confusing. I'm confused about who I am and what my purpose is in life. What college I should go to. If I should even go to college. I'm trying to resist peer pressure to do all sorts of things that I know I shouldn't do, but some of them I kind of want to do. If you know what I mean? I'm considering getting my nose pierced, and my belly button, and nine other parts of my body. But my mom said she would totally kill me if I did that, so now I'm just thinking about getting a tattoo on my back. But it wouldn't really be considered my back, because it would be so low, that you wouldn't even be able to see it. Unless I wore my jeans low enough. I'm really confused.

Holly Hamilton:
Hi mom.

Jean Hamilton:
What are you doing, here?

Holly Hamilton:
Umm. I just, I miss you.

Construction Worker:
You're a jets fine, right?

Lance:
Oh, my God, hello! I live for "West Side Story".

Holly Hamilton:
Mom! I'm going to get the waiter. Why don't you sit here and enjoy your lunch?

Holly Hamilton:
There is such a thing as the perfect man. And I know exactly who it is for my mum.

Holly Hamilton:
Hey! What were you thinking? That isn't even close to what I asked you to do.

Adam Forrest:
I got... uh... distracted.

Holly Hamilton:
By what? A lobotomy? Because, short of that, short of you telling me that somebody came in and actually removed your brain, I cant even begin to - .

Holly Hamilton:
You never listen to anything I want.

Jean Hamilton:
All right, fine. What do you want?

Holly Hamilton:
I want a mom who sees in herself what Zoe and I see everyday. That's talented and pretty and funny, and cooks great and dances great, and doesn't need a man to be those things. Okay, so maybe the perfect man wasn't real. But the perfect you is.

Holly Hamilton:
Cool.

Amy Pearl:
See you freak. [to Holly] Hey, you're new here?

Holly Hamilton:
Yeah, how'd you know?

Amy Pearl:
Your skin.

Holly Hamilton:
My skin looks new?

Amy Pearl:
It looks virgin. No piercings, no tats. See, us Brooklyn Girls, we lose our skin virginity by fifth grade.

Holly Hamilton:
In fifth grade I was just learning long division.

Gloria:
I can't believe it. And he sent you a present, too?

Jean Hamilton:
Yeah, a CD of a band I'd never heard of, but I loved. It's like he knows me better than I know myself.

Gloria:
So, why is he hiding?

Jean Hamilton:
He's not hiding. He's just...

Gloria:
Just what?

Lenny:
[after Jean gives him back his ring] You want a bigger ring?

Holly Hamilton:
Looks like mom was right. Staying turned out to be the greatest adventure of all. And let me tell you, it has made me do some crazy things. Like plan ahead and paint my room, and hang pictures on the walls. I mean, I used a nail and everything.

Holly Hamilton:
Can you believe it? The Teenage Gypsy has finally settled down. Now I don't just have a home page. I have a home.

Holly Hamilton:
Where are we going this time?

Jean Hamilton:
There's a spot open at Delores' bakery. You know, I've always wanted to go there, and you kids will love Brooklyn. It's time for a new adventure and... I'm sorry, honey. I know you were finally making some friends here.

Holly Hamilton:
It's no biggie. There's friends everywhere. Right?

Uncle Ben:
Now these are brand new stoves. What about the pizza oven? That's working. It's got to be the gas line, right?

Holly Hamilton:
Where's Ben? I need to talk to him. It's an emergency.

Lance:
Too late, little lady. He's already gone.

Holly Hamilton:
Where?

Lance:
The almighty wedding.

Holly Hamilton:
Wedding? What wedding?

Lance:
Well, Amber and ...

Holly Hamilton:
Amber? Amber!

Lance:
I know he didn't really want to do it, but she's hard to say no to.

Holly Hamilton:
Where is it?

Lance:
The Liberty Grand Hotel.

Holly Hamilton:
Thanks.

Lance:
So not a party without me. Whatever!

Lenny:
That's on account that you never had your world rocked by Lenny "The World-Rocker" Horton.

Jean Hamilton:
I'm Jean. This is my daughter, Holly.

Lenny:
Hey, how you doing, Holly?

Holly Hamilton:
Great, and I think we gotta go before you learn Step Two.

Jean Hamilton:
Give us a word with tic in it.

Holly Hamilton:
Fine, tragic.

Jean Hamilton:
Fantastic.

Holly Hamilton:
Pathetic. Ecstatic.

Jean Hamilton:
Thank you.

Holly Hamilton:
Sarcastic.

Jean Hamilton:
Psychotic.

Holly Hamilton:
It's genetic.

Amy Pearl:
I paid fifty dollars for mine, you?

Holly Hamilton:
Free, I pulled them out of a garbage can somewhere in Portland.

Amy Pearl:
You win.

Jean Hamilton:
Have you see these lines? I am in a race against time here. Scan it!

Dolores:
Look at you all grown up. Got your little speed bumps and everything.

Uncle Ben:
He could be anywhere in the world but he chooses to be with her because life is better with her by his side.

Lenny:
Attention shoppers, need a quick pick me up? Why don't you head on over to our coffee corner and pick yourself up a half-calf-carmel machiato. But remember, coffee can be hot... it can have an intensity like you've never felt before... searing deep into your flesh... your tender... vulnerable... so easily hurt flesh. So, be sure to ask for a protective sleeve when you pick up your coffee... maybe ask for another one to slip over your heart. Thank you!

Holly Hamilton:
Okay, I'm through with these people! And I want new ones!

Adam Forrest:
It's like all of the bad stuff that you went through that you hated along the way: the people who disappointed you, the things that didn't go the way you wanted; suddenly, you feel grateful to them, because those are the things that got you to here, to this.

Adam Forrest:
I heard once that love is friendship on fire. That's how I feel about you.

Uncle Ben:
Have you ever seen an orchid; how it floats in the water, so delicate and beautiful? When a woman gets an orchid; it's, well she feels like she's floating on a cloud of infinite possibility... Ben Cooper...

Jean Hamilton:
Unfortunately, honey pie, new people are only new for a day. After that, they're just people. Who'll excite you, disappoint you, scare you a little bit. And boy do I know how tempting it is to run away when that happens. It's good for avoiding things. But the problem is that you end up avoiding yourself. Avoiding people you love. You end up avoiding life. So I've decided to start setting an example for you girls. I'm going to try showing you what sticking it out looks like. Really get to know people. And let people get to know us. I don't promise to be any good at it, but I will try. Because I want you and Zoe to be better at this than I am. I want you to learn how to let people in.

Adam Forrest:
Newsflash. Everyone's scared. That's no reason to run away.

Holly Hamilton:
Hey! Could you be any more crazy?

Orchid Thief:
I was just bringing them to ya...

Zoe Hamilton:
Why are you wearing jeans under your robe?

Holly Hamilton:
How would you like to have bruises all over your body?

Holly Hamilton:
Your uncle is a genius!

Amy Pearl:
It worked?

Holly Hamilton:
She was singing - happy songs! She NEVER sings happy songs!

Amy Pearl:
Yeah, neither do I, but don't send me flowers, ok? I like it that way.

Holly Hamilton:
What's that?

Adam Forrest:
Um, nothing.

Holly Hamilton:
Is that supposed to be me?

Adam Forrest:
No, it's somebody else.

Holly Hamilton:
The face - this looks exactly like my face.

Adam Forrest:
No, it isn't. Ok, the face is - a little bit - but that woman is on a horse. You're not on a horse. That's a completely different person.

Holly Hamilton:
Divorce as a career-builder, that's nice.

Adam Forrest:
Hey, have you ever been?

Holly Hamilton:
Divorced? Not yet.

Lenny:
So are you free Saturday night?

Jean Hamilton:
What'd you have in mind?

Lenny:
Oh, nothing short of rocking your world, babe.

Jean Hamilton:
Well, my world doesn't rock that easy.

Dolores:
That's right, make him work for it, girlfriend!

Lenny:
Oh wow, Jean, whoa. Great outfit! Damn, where'd you get that, who's-a-hottie.com?

Jean Hamilton:
Well, it's different.

Holly Hamilton:
So is a peanut butter and glue sandwich, that doesn't mean you eat it.

Amy Pearl:
Together they look like the winners of a genetic lottery.