The Powers That Be

Margaret:
Oh, for Heavens sakes, look at these windows. They're filthy, Charlotte, they must be cleaned upstairs and down.

Charlotte:
Um, no, it's supposed to snow, Ma'am.

Margaret:
Well, how will we know if we can't see out the windows?

Margaret:
Well, Theodore, darling, where's your overcoat? You're going to catch your death.

Theodore:
From your lips to...

Bill:
I'm still puzzled as to why the Brotherhood Coalition is honoring me. I mean, there are so many others who have done so much more for black people in this country than I have. Maybe I'll mention that in my speech.

Margaret:
Mmm, humility, nice touch, yes. But be sure not to go on too long, dear. From what I understand, they like to get right to their dancing.

Bill:
Now, Margaret, that is just the kind of stereotyping that the Coalition is trying to put an end to.

Margaret:
Well, obviously they still have work to do!

Jordan:
Senator, if they only gave awards to people who deserved them, there'd be a lot of empty banquet halls in this town!

Theodore:
I'm going to get Mummy a glass of water and ten milligrams of something.

[Theodore enters the room]

Caitlyn:
Theodore, it's all your fault!

Theodore:
Probably.

Caitlyn:
If it weren't for your silly job, we'd get to go to England with Mummy and Daddy. Why do you have to be a congressman?

Theodore:
To get to the other side.

Sophie:
I think he has finally reached his peak. He can't suck up any more than he is right now. I mean, there is literally no more up to which he could suck!

Bradley:
I wanted to spend my final moments among loved ones.

Jordan:
Keep looking!

Theodore:
What do you think a person should do if he has something important to tell but he's been sworn to secrecy by the people he loves and cares for?

Bill:
Well, I think that...

Theodore:
Margaret poisoned the new First Lady.

Theodore:
Death. You think of it as your friend, then it turns on you.

Caitlyn:
The press, Pierce, remember the press.

Pierce:
Mother. Mother, look at me, please. I am not a photo opportunity.

Caitlyn:
If I ever talked back to my mother like that...

Theodore:
Probably'd lose a leg!

Margaret:
We're only having the press. Why would I serve a whole fresh-roast turkey to people who would happily eat a sock on white bread if it were free?

Pierce:
Mother, you do this for every big party. You buy an outfit one size too small and then you starve yourself to get into it.

Caitlyn:
Mummy has no choice, darling. Look at me, I'm enormous!

Theodore:
And I'm happy.

Caitlyn:
Pierce, go upstairs.

Pierce:
How about if I just go home?

Caitlyn:
How 'bout if I have the dog put to sleep?

Caitlyn:
Theodore, I hate this night. First Daddy's hugging that woman and now there's a handicapped person rolling around in our living room.

Theodore:
That's Joe Bowman. The football player.

Caitlyn:
Nonsense. I don't know much about football but I'm sure you can't play in one of those chairs!

Margaret:
I didn't realize your people ate shellfish.

Sophie:
My people? Oh. Well, some of my people do. We like to have them as a side dish when we're eating the Christian babies.

Bill:
We're going to have a nice family dinner.

Sophie:
Don't you think we should find a nice family first?

Theodore:
Why do we have to be here?

Caitlyn:
It's our anniversary. Where would you rather be?

Theodore:
Hurdling through a windshield.

Margaret:
Caitlyn has difficulty with criticism.

Caitlyn:
Mother has difficulty with feelings. She has none.

Margaret:
Well, I hope they all have fun at the luncheon... and then get botulism.

Margaret:
Have you come to gloat or just admire the cutlery in my back?

Bill:
Theodore, tell us about your day.

Theodore:
Well, thank God, it's almost over.

Sophie:
It really is amazing, isn't it? People will watch a lousy home video eight hundred times and you can't get them to watch "The Torkelsons" even once.

Bill:
Well, at least think about it.

Margaret:
I have thought about it, Bill, and frankly I would rather give that Roseanne woman a sponge bath!

Bill:
Well, I'm not gonna let anything ruin my day.

Sophie:
Uh, too late, Senator. I got Margaret here on the phone.

Caitlyn:
Maybe there's a better way of life for me, one that isn't wrapped up in pride and vanity.

Margaret:
What kind of life might that be, dear?

Caitlyn:
I was flipping through the channels the other day when all of the sudden the most beautiful hair caught my eye. It was Jesus in The Greatest Story Ever Told. And, oh, Mummy, that movie made me realize how empty and shallow my life is.

Margaret:
How, dear?

Caitlyn:
Jesus had a good hair day every day.

Margaret:
What's this? Why this is the family bible. I've never actually seen this open.

Caitlyn:
Yes, Mummy, I've been reading it. And, you know, it's true what they say. The book is better than the movie!

Caitlyn:
Why don't you break free from the shackles fashioned by wealth and status?

Margaret:
Caitlyn, those are the shackles that straightened your teeth, which got you a husband!

Margaret:
This is just like you! You waltz into my house, you say you're staying until you die and then you ask me to kill you! Well, it's ludicrous. I don't believe for one moment you want to die. You're having far too much fun tormenting me!

Caitlyn:
Mummy, please let's not talk about d-e-a-t-h in front of Pierce.

Pierce:
Mother, I've been able to s-p-e-l-l for some time now.

Caitlyn:
Would you go up and watch television for a little while? This isn't something you should be exposed to at your age.

Pierce:
Hey, can I watch cable? "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" is on tonight.

Caitlyn:
Whatever.

Joe:
Jordan, I'd, uh, like to talk to you.

Jordan:
Sorry, I'm not fluent in snake.

Jordan:
I'd rather brush my teeth with a brick.

Bradley:
My doctor gave me these wonderful pains for the pills.

Bill:
He gave me a very strange look.

MacNicol, Peter:
You mean the kind of look that says, "I have a towering intellect but your IQ can be measured on a thermometer?"

Caitlyn:
Theodore, I was hoping we could do something. Together. In bed.

Theodore:
Oh. Is it next month already?

Margaret:
I can't! I just can't be spontaneous on a moment's notice!

Theodore:
A big problem. Caitlyn got a haircut and she lost her mind!

Pierce:
Mother, can we go home? It's midnight and I've got school tomorrow.

Caitlyn:
Pierce, did I complain when you were a baby and the nurse got up with you at midnight?

Bradley:
[regarding impending negative press coverage] They're gonna be on us like pitbulls in a nursery!

Sophie Lipkin:
[Bradley is on the phone, Sophie is trying to get his attention] Check out my new b*obs! Made ya look!

Bradley Grist:
[Bradley continues on the phone, then pauses, looking at Sophie's chest] I don't get it. Why didn't you have both of them done at the same time? Made ya look!

Margaret Powers:
We live in very complex, modern times, and hard-and-fast rules simply no longer apply, darling. Take the Ten Commandments, for example. You should look at them as the Ten Suggestions. I mean, it's not as though they were written in stone, darling.

Charlotte:
I have to know, sir. Do you have an intern working in your office?

Theodore Van Horne:
Yes.

Charlotte:
You have no idea how insanely jealous that makes me. I'll bet that frisky intern can't wait to, errh, fondle you.

Theodore Van Horne:
No, Frank and I have an understanding.