The Prince & Me

Paige:
I've never felt this way before.

Queen:
Being royal requires you to sacrifice who you are for who you must be.

Paige:
Sometimes I wish I could just fast forward the next five years...

Beth:
I hate it when she starts to talk about her life plan.

Paige:
He was quoting Shakespeare like some duke, lord guy. I hate phonies like that.

Paige:
Oh no.

Eddie:
What?

Paige:
You didn't tell me you lived with your parents.

Queen:
Between you and me Paige, being queen is not without its charms. [Takes Paige to a vault and shows her the royal jewelry] So my dear, What would you like to wear for the coronation ball?

Eddie:
This Saturday evening there's a party at Brenner hall, a gathering. I was wondering if you would like to accompany me?

Paige:
Accompany you?

Eddie:
Oh, right, yes, how do you say it colloquially? Um, yo dog, there's a party kicking at my crib if you want to roll down there with me.

Paige:
That was just sad, don't ever do that again.

Paige:
Could you please put a shirt on or something?

Eddie:
If you're going to be a doctor, you're going to have to get used to naked men.

Paige:
We did King Lear, now we're on the sonnets. Next it's Hamlet, which is about a whiny prince from Denmark. What does that have to do with reality?

Eddie:
More than you think.

Paige:
Well you're from Denmark. Do you even have princes?

Eddie:
Yes, I think we do.

Paige:
Are there a lot of princes where you're from, or are you kinda it?

Eddie:
I'm it.

Eddie:
Today marks a profound and bittersweet milestone for all of us, as we bear witness to both an end and a beginning. And while we must continue on, we must also be grateful to have been blessed with someone who has so ably guided us to where we are today. When there has been so much love and happiness for someone, it is natural to be reluctant to close such a wonderful chapter in our lives, for moving forward is rarely accomplished without considerable grief and sadness. And while our sorrow may be profound, the clouds will clear, and the sun will shine on us again. And in that warm, bright light we will find ourselves facing a glorious future. A future of exciting challenges and infinite possibilities, in which the horizon will stretch out before us, trimmed in the heavenly glow of the sunrise of our tomorrow.

Paige:
Denmark isn't ready for a Queen like me.

Eddie:
Well then they'll have to be. Because I am.

Soren:
Good heavens! [as he enters the dorm room] I thought you had to be convicted of a crime before you lived somewhere like this.

Eddie:
Well it's not that bad. Plus, we haven't seen the rest of it yet. [opens closet door]

Soren:
Apparently, this is the rest of it.

Eddie:
Well I like it. And I'll even let you have first choice of the beds.

Soren:
Ooo, heavens, which stained mattress shall I choose?

Scotty:
[enters, coughing, sniffling, and clearing throat] You the new guys? I'm Scotty. All right, all my food's labeled, so I'll know if you ate anything. I'm allergic to dairy, shellfish, red meat, melon, nuts, and kiwi, so don't bring any of that stuff around here. [sits down at computer] The X-box is off limits. If you screw up any of my high scores, I'll blind you with my laser pointer.

Paige:
[in fake English accent] I can offer you beer and pretzel rods, my fine fellow, at the old pub yonder.

Eddie:
I have learn'd me to repent the sin of disobedient opposition. To you and your behests, and am enjoin'd and beg your pardon.

Paige:
[to Soren] Is he drunk now?

Eddie:
It's from a play, Romeo and Juliet? Shakespeare?

Paige:
This is going to be a fun semester. Don't forget your half of the supplies next time.

Soren:
The chances of a relationship between yourself and Miss Paige are not promising. You two are of a completely different caliber.

Eddie:
Soren, just cause she isn't royalty doesn't mean she's not important.

Soren:
The higher caliber I was referring to, sir, was hers.

Scotty:
[Soren slaps Scotty's hand which was directing toward Soren's last royally-paid-for breakfast] Hey, you cheap Swede!

Scotty:
[Scotty just realizing that Paige is present in the dormroom who has been there for a minute or so] Dude. Dude, there's a chick in our room!

John Morgan:
I don't know anyone from Denmark. I've never heard of anyone from there. Have you?

Paige:
Yeah, sure. [long pause] Eddie?

Eddie:
Um, Kierkegaard, Niels Bohr, Hans Christian Andersen.

John Morgan:
[whispers to Mike] Who's Hans Christian Andersen?

Eddie:
Um, Lars Ulrich.

Mike Morgan:
From Metallica?

Eddie:
From Metallica.

Mike Morgan:
Get out.

John Morgan:
Ok.

Eddie:
And, um, Helena Christensen.

John Morgan:
Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a second. The Victoria's Secret model?

Eddie:
Yes.

Mike Morgan:
Ok, that's gotta be the coolest country in the World now.

John Morgan:
Seriously, you should be a superpower. [all burst out laughting]

Eddie:
Yes.

Soren:
[Eddie enters the dormroom where Soren is hooked playing the XBox] Whoa.

Scotty:
[to Eddie] He's been like this since I got here yesterday.

Soren:
Whoa.

Scotty:
[jumps to take back the console] Give it back!

Soren:
Back off Clearisil! [Scotty jumps backs to where he was]

Soren:
Miss Paige, the Queen would like to see you immediately. [Soren and Paige walk down hallway to the Queen's office] Don't worry. I'll be by your side the entire time.

[Soren and Paige enter the Queen's office]

Queen:
Soren, get out.

Soren:
Yes, Your Majesty. [backs off]

Paige:
Thanks. [Soren exits the Queen's office and closes the doors]

Paige:
Where's Eddie?

Scotty:
Oh, you mean, prince-who-ate-my-triscuits-and-didn't-replace-them?

Eddie:
[reading Shakespeare's 148 sonnet] "O me! What eyes hath love put in my head/ Which have no correspondence with true sight?/ Or if they have where is my judgment fled/ That censures falsely what they see aright?" It's beautiful.

Paige:
It's gibberish. I have no idea what he's saying.

Eddie:
Well, he's saying that love is magical, and that it makes people look at each other in an unspoiled way, without judgment.

Paige:
Why doesn't he just say that? Why can't people just say what they mean?

Eddie:
Well, people rarely say what they mean. That's the interesting part, is... is what's going on underneath the surface. See, take line. The sun itself sees not until heaven clears. What does that mean to you?

Paige:
That the sun can't shine when it's cloudy.

Eddie:
No. You're being too literal. See, don't just go for the obvious. See, all these words, they have multiple meanings, and you have to explore the possibilities and then make your choice. See, like the word "sun", that could mean the actual sun, or it can mean light. But then "light" can mean knowledge or reason.

Paige:
That could go on forever.

Eddie:
Yes. Yes, it could. But I think in this case it means reason. And then "heaven" may refer to the pearly gates, or it could mean a state of being, you know, like being happy or in love. So now read it again, taking in all the possibilities, and tell me what you think it means.

Paige:
The sun itself sees not until heaven clears. I guess it means that love blinds you. And when you're in love, you can't think reasonably.

Eddie:
Do you agree?

Paige:
Yeah... I mean, it's just a poem.

Eddie:
Yeah... Yeah, it's just a poem.

Paige:
This class is really important to me because I need this teacher to get me into med school. And if I'm stuck with you as my partner, I can't afford to have you screw things up for me, OK?

Eddie:
It's very important to me, as well. I love organic chemistry. I've recently discovered that large amounts of alcohol mixed with a carbon-based life form causes the life form to blurt out stupid things. So apologies to the other night. I was just having some fun.

Paige:
Of course you were. And I love being made to feel like a brainless slut by some sloppy lush. Thanks.

Eddie:
[after being told he can't marry Paige] Well, then I hope you think that Arabella is fit to be Queen at the age of twelve! Oh, no, I'm forgetting Nestor.

Queen:
Don't threaten us!

Eddie:
Cousin Bartholomew's idiot son, Nestor. The 45-year-old virgin in diapers Oh, the people will rejoice.

King Haraald:
ENOUGH!

[everyone is quiet]

King Haraald:
Edvard, you will be the next king of Denmark. Do you hear me?

Eddie:
Yes, sir.

King Haraald:
Now, about your young lady. If you say you love her as you do, and you believe she will make you happy, then marry her.

Queen:
Haraald, you can't mean that. Maybe this is not a good time to discuss...

King Haraald:
No, it's a perfect time. It is at the end of a man's life when he realizes how important his decisions were at the beginning.

Eddie:
[leaves with a big grin and a certain eagerness]

Paige:
Am I supposed to be able to breathe?

Dress Maker:
No.

Paige:
Oh, well, then it's perfect.

Professor Amiel:
One partner is monitoring temperature and flow, while the other pours the hydrochloric acid into the separatory funnel. Now... carefully turn the stopcock to allow some of the solution to flow into the round-bottom flask.

Paige:
[the Hydrochloric acid pours out of the funnel and blows up] Oh!

Professor Amiel:
[to Paige] Start over again.

Amy Morgan:
[to Paige] Chemistry isn't just in a class, kiddo. And you guys have it.

Soren:
[showing Paige around the palace. She gasps in awe as they enter a room] And this is where we keep the mops.

Paige:
Do you think the people are gonna mind if I'm going to be their queen and all I've seen is the airport?

Soren:
No.