The Prince and the Showgirl

Charles, the Prince Regent:
[of the theatre] So many doors. Like an audience with the Japanese emperor!

Elsie Marina:
Better luck next time, only not with me, of course.

The Foreign Office:
Do you mean to say, Northbrook, that you know nothing about Carpathia whatever?

Northbrook:
Don't even know where the beastly place is for a start.

The Foreign Office:
How long have you been in the foreign office?

Northbrook:
Fifteen years, sir, but I'm in the Far Eastern Department.

The Foreign Office:
Now that's no excuse. What would you think if I knew nothing of Siam?

Northbrook:
Don't think I'd mind much.

The Foreign Office:
That sort of remark will get you nowhere, Northbrook.

Northbrook:
Not even out of this job?

The Foreign Office:
Certainly not! Your predecessor has had a riding accident and you are now in his saddle.

Elsie Marina:
[about dress] Say, is it all right over the you-know-what?

Fanny:
Wonderful over the you-know-what.

Fanny:
[Northbrook comes out from behind screen] What do you think?

Northbrook:
Very nice.

Fanny:
Is that all you can say?

Northbrook:
Very nice indeed.

Elsie Marina:
[having learned the details of the Regent's "party"] You know, there's a word for what you are and it's not Deputy Head of the Far Eastern Department.

Northbrook:
Aren't you confusing this embassy with a private room at Romano's?

Elsie Marina:
Why not? Except up there it's a longer run from the sofa to the door.

The Queen Dowager:
Sweetly pretty. She should use more mascara. When one is young, one should use a lot of mascara. When one is older, one should use much more.

Northbrook:
I'm sure, sir, her sense of comme il faut will -

Charles, the Prince Regent:
She has as much sense of comme il faut as a rhinocerous.

Northbrook:
[beat] Do I gather, sir, that the evening was not an entirely happy one?

Charles, the Prince Regent:
Northbrook, this British understatement of yours I begin to find irritating.

Elsie Marina:
Yes, I speak German. I was born in Milwaukee.

Elsie Marina:
Oh, don't give me that. I'm an American citizen, no one can do anything to me. Besides, who cares about your old Balkan revolutions, anyway? You have them all the time.

The Queen Dowager:
Mr. Northbrook, who was that creature? Was it an anarchist?

Northbrook:
No, ma'am!

The Queen Dowager:
Then who was it?

Northbrook:
A young lady, ma'am, called Miss Elsie Marina.

The Queen Dowager:
[pause] Ah. Fetch her to me.

The Queen Dowager:
Most impressive. And the soldiers facing the procession too. Such a change from the last coronation I attended, the Vas Arabies'. Guns going off like kettle drums and infernal machines and the sky black with smoke. Happily, no fatalities. Except in the crowd. But it all left a very bad impression.