The Princess Diaries

Mia Thermopolis:
Somebody sat on me again.

Mia Thermopolis:
Please don't crush my soy nuts.

Mia Thermopolis:
Me? A... A princess? SHUT... UP!

Mia Thermopolis:
I can't be a princess! I'm still waiting for the normal body parts to arrive!

Mia Thermopolis:
Just in case I am not enough of a freak already, let's add a tiara!

Mia Thermopolis:
[to her cat, Fat Louie] You are so lucky you don't know who your parents are.

Mia Thermopolis:
You know, most kids hope for a car for their 16th birthday, not a country!

Mia Thermopolis:
Tell me, how does my mother, or any person for that matter, go into a parent/teacher conference and come out with a date?

Mia Thermopolis:
I don't want to rule my own country, I just want to pass the tenth grade.

Mia Thermopolis:
[sitting in her broken-down car, in the rain] Is this punishment for driving without a licensed driver in the front seat?! [sobs and collapses across the front seat] I am invisible... and I am wet.

Mia Thermopolis:
(At the Genovian Independance Day Ball) Hi, um... hello. I'm Mia. Um, it's stopped raining! I'm really no good at speech-making. Normally I get so nervous that I faint or run away, or sometimes I even get sick. But you really didn't need to know that... But I'm not so afraid anymore. See, my father helped me. Earlier this evening had every intention of giving up my claim to the throne. And my mother helped me, by telling me it was ok, and by supporting me like she has for my entire life. But then I wondered how I'd feel after abdicating my role as Princess of Genovia. Would I feel relieved, or would I feel sad? And then I realized how many stupid times a day I use the word 'I.' And probably all I ever do is think about myself. And how lame is that when there's like seven billion other people out there on the planet, and... sorry, I'm going too fast. But then I thought, if I cared about the other seven billion out there, instead of just me, that's probably a much better use of my time. See, if I were Princess of Genovia, then my thoughts and the thoughts of people smarter than me would be much better heard, and just maybe those thoughts could be turned into actions. So this morning when I woke up, I was Mia Thermopolis. But now I choose to be forevermore, Amelia Mignonette Thermopolis Renaldi, Princess of Genovia.

Joe:
No matter how many times you push that button, it will still go up and down the same way.

Joe:
The flags mean I can park anywhere I want. We keep the flags.

Joe:
I have never worn pantyhose but it sounds very dangerous.

Joe:
[last lines] Princess, look out the window... And welcome to Genovia.

Lily Moscovitz:
[to Joe] You know you look like Shaft?

Lily Moscovitz:
Is your mom dating an undertaker?

Lily Moscovitz:
I'm taking your charm off of my charm bracelet AND IT'S GOING IN THE DIRT!!

Lily Moscovitz:
[to Michael and Mia] WAIT UP YOU GUYS! WAIT FOR ME! [two other students stop for her] Not you, I don't even know you!

PA Annoucements:
Will the Feng Shui club please stop rearranging the tables on the lawn?

PA Annoucements:
Remember, virtual homework may not be submitted for actual credit.

Vice Principal Gupta:
[on the phone] Gupta... mmhh... mmhh... mmhh. [hangs up] The Queen is coming - to Grove High School.

Vice Principal Gupta:
[the cheerleaders freak out when a baseball bounces their way] Oh, come on, girls! It's a ball, not a snake. Back in formation!

Nelson Davenport:
Mia Thermopolis is the daughter of local eclectic artist, Helen Thermopolis. They currently live in a refurbished firehouse south of Market Street. Mia is also the only grandchild of Queen Clarisse Renaldi, whose husband, King Rupert, passed away last year. This is Nelson Davenport, KRLH.

Nelson Davenport:
No longer does Mia stand for missing in action, Genovia has a new princess!

Mia:
Good morning, Mrs. Gupta.

Mrs. Gupta:
(Looks at Lily) Morning, Lily. (Looks at Mia) ...Lily's friend.

Queen Clarisse:
(upon first seeing Mia) You look so... young.

Mia:
Uh, thank you. And you look so... (Clarisse raises her eyebrows) clean.

Mia:
Now, what did you want to tell me?

Queen Clarisse Renaldi:
Something that, I think, will have a very big impact upon your life.

Mia:
I already had braces.

Queen Clarisse Renaldi:
No, it's bigger than orthodontia.

Queen Clarisse Renaldi:
Helen, if Amelia refuses to accept the throne, then Genovia will cease to exist as we know it.

Helen Thermopolis:
So the future of your country is in the hands my 15-year-old?

Helen Thermopolis:
Mia, the-the three of us have to talk.

Mia:
[bitterly] Oh, OK. Um, is there maybe something else about me and my life that just maybe I might want to know about? Um-oh no, are you two waiting to take me on a talk show somewhere and to let me know I have a twin sister who's a duchess?

Queen Clarisse Renaldi:
You have a cousin who's a contessa. Fondly known as Bartholomew. Actually, we call him Pookie.

Queen Clarisse:
Where is she going?

Helen:
The tower. [runs after Mia] Mia, you can't run away from everything!

Queen Clarisse:
[to herself] She has a tower?

Helen Thermopolis:
This is getting us nowhere! Talk to me!

Mia:
I can't talk to you right now. I'm late for a meeting with my guidance counselor.

Queen Clarisse Renaldi:
I'm late for a meeting with Spain and Portugal!

Mia:
Joe, can you drop us off a block from the school? I don't want to cause a riot with this hearse.

Joe:
This is a non-riot hearse. If it were a hearse, there would be silence in the backseat.

Mia:
I can't do this, I'm a girl!

Gym Teacher Harbula:
What am I, a duck?

Mia:
Hey, Joe?

Joe:
Mm-hmmm?

Mia:
I'm gonna turn the backseat into a dressing room so I can change into a proper outfit for Madame, OK?

Joe:
OK. And don't forget your shoes.

Mia:
Ahh, thanks.

Joe:
Strange town, San Francisco. When I purchased the pumps, they asked if I wanted them wrapped or if I was going to wear them.

[Joe is teaching Mia how to dance.]

Joe:
This is betweeen a waltz and a tango.

Mia:
It's a wango?

[During Mia's makeover, Paolo takes off her glasses]

Paolo:
Do you wear contact lenses?

Mia:
Well, I have them, but I don't like to wear them that much.

Paolo:
[breaks Mia's glasses in half] Now you do!

Mia:
[in shock] You broke my glasses!

Paolo:
You broke my brush.

Joe:
Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.

Mia:
Eleanor Roosevelt said that.

Joe:
Ah, yes. Another special lady like yourself.

Queen Clarisse Renaldi:
[after Mia, Prime Minister Motaz, and Sheila Motaz make a scene from eating the ice cream too quickly] Have you ever experienced that instant headache when you eat ice too quickly?

Emperor Sakamoto:
[briefly shakes his head] No.

[After Mia accidently runs into a trolley with her car]

Nun #1:
[on her cell phone] 911, I'd like to report an accident... They put me on hold!

Nun #2:
Oh, for the love of God!

Mia:
[on her green bathing suit] Okay I look like an asparagus.

Helen Thermopolis:
But a very, very cute asparagus!

Queen Clarisse Renaldi:
Do we have any problems?

Charlotte Kutaway:
[overenthusiastically] No, everything's perfect. Perfect. It's wonderful.

Queen Clarisse Renaldi:
You're not very good at lying, Charlotte.

Charlotte Kutaway:
No, I'm not, your Majesty.

Michael:
Why me?

Mia:
Because you saw me when I was invisible.

She rocks. She rules. She reigns.

From the director of Pretty Woman and Runaway Bride

For every girl who's never dreamed of being a princess

Cute Jeremiah but the way to a girls heart is not by treating her like a vending machine

[after giving Mia a makeover]

Paolo:
[to Queen Clarisse] Your Majesty, Paolo is exhausted. [points at two pictures of Mia] Because your majesty, only Paolo can take this and this, and give you...

Gretchen and Helga:
A princess. [they moved the pictures to reveal a pampered Mia]

Lilly Moscovitz:
Will you come on my cable show? [to Mia after hearing she's a princess]

Lilly Moscovitz:
[to Michael and Mia] Wait up you guys! Wait for me! [two other students stop for her] Not you, I don't even know you!

Helen Thermopolis:
[first lines] Time for school! Stop daydreaming, you'll be late for school.

Paolo Puttanesca:
I love your eyebrows. We'll call them Frida and Kahlo. If Brooke Shields married Groucho Marx, their child would have your eyebrows.

Suki Sanchez:
It was just last night that San Francisco's own little princess partied at the beach. But what started out as innocent fun, soon turned into allegedly, too much fun. This is Suki Sanchez for KPFW.

Philippe Renaldi (Mia's late father):
[from his letter to Mia for her 16th birthday] "Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear. The brave may not live forever, but the cautious do not live at all. From now on you'll be traveling the road between who you think you are and who you can be. The key is to allow yourself to make the journey."