The Principal

Raymi:
Man, do you know where you are? You're at Brandel. Ain't you heard what they said about this place? Garbage NEVER leaves the dump.

Victor Duncan:
This school here is MY school. And I make the rules.

Rick Latimer:
Not anymore.

Jake Phillips:
["Screwdriver" Phillips barges into the office of a napping "Rikki-Tikki-Tavi" Latimer]... You're ever-vigilant, I see.

Rick Latimer:
Where I come from, we knock.

Jake Phillips:
Where *I* come from, we pick locks. With your permission, I'll replace your old rusty one with a new deadbolt. The kind only .357 Magnums can open up.

Rick Latimer:
Thanks, Jake; that's real encouraging. I feel much better now.

Jake Phillips:
Do you mind if I ask you a question I ask all imported principals? [without waiting for an answer]... What is a fine, white-bread boy like you doing in a place like this?

Rick Latimer:
Keeping my warm ass planted in this chair.

Jake Phillips:
[indicates the "Classified Ads" which Latimer has been going through] 'Till something better comes along, right?... I don't know why I thought it should've been any different.

Victor Duncan:
If you're trying to reach me, I'll just cut your hand off.

Rick Latimer:
I've got another one.

Rick Latimer:
[awaiting Victor Duncan] We'll give him another minute. And then we'll go home.

Jake Phillips:
[after only a few seconds] Okay, time's up.

Rick Latimer:
I'll be here tomorrow.

Jake Phillips:
I'll be here too.

Rick Latimer:
We are very stupid men.

Jake Phillips:
Yeah, I know. But what can you do?

[addressing teachers]

Rick Latimer:
Lighten up! Have some courage. Brave it through a little bit. Knives only hurt if they go through you. Urine only smells if you don't clean it up. Come on!

[Latimer has the upper-hand in a scuffle with Duncan]

Victor Duncan:
Please! No more!

Rick Latimer:
You got that right!

[Latimer throws Duncan out of the school via a double-door]

Rick Latimer:
[shouts] No more!

Rick Latimer:
[in the teachers' lounge, which is full even though classes are supposed to be in session]... I want a full-school assembly during sixth period, TODAY.

1st Teacher:
Are you MAD? Do you know what could happen?

2nd Teacher:
Why are you doing this?

Rick Latimer:
...I like the attention.

Victor Duncan:
Why don't you do yourself a favor and go back to your white-bread, suburban, cesspool land while you still have a chance?

Rick Latimer:
I can't.

Rick Latimer:
[dealing with a couple of troublemakers in his new office, both of whom keep insulting - and trying to injure - each other in front of him]... Like I said, we got all day...

Robert Darcy:
[enters nervously]... I was hoping to speak to you before this...

Rick Latimer:
This wonderful welcoming party? Why don't we start my first day off with some expulsion papers for Mr. Sh*t and Mr. F*** here? And call the police. [to Jake Phillips who has just popped in] Hi. Rick Latimer. I'm the new principal.

Jake Phillips:
No kidding. [moves on]

Robert Darcy:
[to Latimer]... Did you get a look at the neighborhood coming into this place? Brandel High isn't exactly the highest priority for the police around here.

Rick Latimer:
These guys are trying to cut each other's nuts off.

Robert Darcy:
The cops would only ask why you stopped them. As far as expulsion goes, most of the students here have already been expelled from someplace else.

Rick Latimer:
[to a student]... Linda, I want you wearing a bra to class. It's not going to change your grade.

Rick Latimer:
[in his office]... Okay, what's your name?

White Zac:
Just call me White Zac. My real last name's O'Something-Or-Other, too long to say.

Rick Latimer:
Sweet. Well, Mr. O'Something-Or-Other, can you tell me what class *this* is for? [holds up a switchblade taken from Zac]

White Zac:
Any class Victor Duncan tries to kill me in.

Kimberly Latimer:
...A minute is all it takes for you to do huge damage, Rick. I've put up with all the frat-brat, Peter-Pan bullshit I can take.

Rick Latimer:
That's your therapist talking, not you.

Kimberly Latimer:
At least SOMEBODY was talking; YOU weren't. *I* tried to make things work, Rick. *I* didn't run out and get plastered every time we had a problem. I didn't quit on us; *you* did. You let it go, the way you let EVERYTHING go. Three jobs you blew. Then your father got you in at Willoughby College, and you blew that too.

Rick Latimer:
That's not *all* my fault. *You* had to show up in that bar with your DIVORCE ATTORNEY on your arm.

Kimberly Latimer:
Rick, grow up.

Rick Latimer:
I'm trying. I'm running a high school now; I'm in charge of it. I'm the principal.

Kimberly Latimer:
I heard. At *Brandel.* That doesn't count as a school.

Rick Latimer:
Now, what is THAT supposed to mean? [she drives off without answering]

Rick Latimer:
[to a group of teachers, before leaving to meet Treena] Look urine only smells if you don't clean it up. Look prune face, knives only hurt if they go through you.

Police Officer:
[processing Latimer for attacking Kim's divorce attorney] Occupation?

Rick Latimer:
[sarcastic grin] School teacher!