The Private Life of Don Juan

The Impostor:
Is it true he had eight hundred and fifty-seven affairs in three years?

Leporello:
To be exact, nine hundred and three.

Don Juan:
All girls are different. All wives are alike.

Don Juan:
Marriage is like a beleaguered city. Those that are out want to get in; those that are in want to get out.

Don Juan:
Lovely little girl!

Leporello:
She'd look awful by daylight.

Don Juan:
Well, who wants to see her by daylight?

Pepita, Another Dancer of Equal Temperament:
You stupid goose! You bloodless cow!

Pepita, Another Dancer of Equal Temperament:
My eyes closed. My heart stopped. My, my everything stopped. What a kiss! What a kiss. What a kiss.

Don Juan:
Lovely? When did you tell her that she was lovely? When did you send her a basket of flowers? When did you whisper words that sent shivers up-and-down her spine? Not for years. Because, you were married. You just owned her. Like a monkey, a fiddle! So that a miserable bungler could come and take her away from you. Why should a lovely wife be faithful to you? Clown! Yokel! Boob! Husband!

Don Juan:
What divine hair. And those two lovely stars. Just a little frightened, gazing at me. You baffle me. Once again I'm just a frightened child. Oh, I could kill you for being so attractive.

Antonita, a Dancer of Passionate Temperament:
What a fool I was! What a fool!

Don Juan:
Why?

Antonita, a Dancer of Passionate Temperament:
I thought I could resist you.

Don Juan:
Can you?

Antonita, a Dancer of Passionate Temperament:
No woman could.

Antonita, a Dancer of Passionate Temperament:
Full?

Manager of The Black Cat:
No, empty. They've all gone over to the Golden Pheasant to see Pepita.

Antonita, a Dancer of Passionate Temperament:
Pepita? That old apple horse!

Manager of The Black Cat:
Old?

Antonita, a Dancer of Passionate Temperament:
Twenty-six, at least. I'm nineteen! And I can dance. She can't.

Pepita, Another Dancer of Equal Temperament:
And who are you to give orders here?

Antonita, a Dancer of Passionate Temperament:
Who am I? Don Juan said I was the girl who's kisses he'd been seeking on a thousand women's lips. I was the only one! He'd never loved anybody else, in his life, but me.

Pepita, Another Dancer of Equal Temperament:
Ha! He loved you so much he went straight from you to another woman?

Antonita, a Dancer of Passionate Temperament:
Oh, that was a previous engagement!

Pepita, Another Dancer of Equal Temperament:
But, that's why they killed him.

Antonita, a Dancer of Passionate Temperament:
That's why they killed him? Because he loved me! He said, Good Night Antonita. I'll tell her, if I have to die for it. He loved me. And loathed on women like you!

Pepita, Another Dancer of Equal Temperament:
Cat!

Antonita, a Dancer of Passionate Temperament:
Cow!

Pepita, Another Dancer of Equal Temperament:
Pig!

Antonita, a Dancer of Passionate Temperament:
Beast!

Pepita, Another Dancer of Equal Temperament:
Stone!

Antonita, a Dancer of Passionate Temperament:
Weasel!

Pepita, Another Dancer of Equal Temperament:
Worm!

Dona Dolores, a Lady of Mystery:
Tell me, has Don Juan been very tired lately?

Leporello:
How did you know?

Dona Dolores, a Lady of Mystery:
Ha-ha-ha. No great lover has any secrets from a woman after a year.

Leporello:
Dona Dolores, you're bound to win.

Dona Dolores, a Lady of Mystery:
I might. But, now I must wait. He'll soon be tired of being tired.

Dona Dolores, a Lady of Mystery:
What does he got to say to me?

Don Juan:
What a fool he was to forget all this. The divine hair. And those two lovely stars. Just a little frightened.

Dona Dolores, a Lady of Mystery:
No-no-no, darling. You told me all that six years ago. Tell me some of the wonderful things that made women dazed and intoxicated.

Don Juan:
Well, that was it. That's what I always told them.

Dona Dolores, a Lady of Mystery:
Well, then, tell me something you never told any woman before.

Don Juan:
I love you, darling. I don't want to be anything but your husband.

Dona Dolores, a Lady of Mystery:
Ha-ha-ha. Won't you ever learn anything about women? Every woman wants something more than just a husband. Every woman wants Don Juan; but, all to herself.