The Real McCoys

[last lines]

Grandpa Amos McCoy:
Kate, you're a real McCoy.

[Grampa kisses Kate's cheek and walks away]

Grandpa Amos McCoy:
Jed's place was a rickety... sort of a house.

Kate McCoy:
Well, it's possible he had it painted.

Grandpa Amos McCoy:
Jed? Why, he can't afford to have a sore throat painted!

Grandpa Amos McCoy:
Little Luke, there's a dish of soap in the kitchen. Why don't you go have it for lunch?

Grandpa Amos McCoy:
I hate to admit it, but it's still a punishin' sound.

Luke McCoy:
Grandpa, I could make prettier music just snappin' my suspenders. Of all the things that Little Luke can't do, he can't do trumpet playin' best of all.

Luke McCoy:
[meeting Pepino for the first time] We're the McCoys. I'm - I'm Luke, and that there's my wife, Kate.

Kate McCoy:
We just got married before leaving home.

Pepino:
Just married. [begins speaking quickly in Spanish]

Grandpa Amos McCoy:
[looking to Luke] I say he's Russian.

Luke McCoy:
He says he's Mexican.

Grandpa Amos McCoy:
It's just his word ag'in mine.

Hassie:
My name's Hassie.

Luke McCoy:
She's my sister, and that there's my little brother - that's Luke.

Pepino:
Pardon me for asking, Se?or, but how does it happen that two brothers both have the same name?

Luke McCoy:
Well, you see, in the excitement of having him, ma and pa plum forgot they already had me.

Pepino:
[to himself] I've got to remember not to ask so many questions.

Luke McCoy:
And this here - this here is Grampa Amos. That's the oldest livin' real McCoy.

Luke McCoy:
I thinks it's music.

Grandpa Amos McCoy:
You're joshin'.

Luke McCoy:
No, I'm almost sure it's music. It sounds like one of them new rollin' rock records.

[last lines]

Luke McCoy:
[breaking the 4th wall] You know, sometimes I just don't dig Grampa.

Luke McCoy:
Why, Grandpa, a woman like that? Why, there's 15 years difference in your ages!

Grandpa Amos McCoy:
She don't know that, and I ain't about to show her my driver's license!

Grandpa Amos McCoy:
[talking to himself] Sometimes I wish I wasn't cursed with the McCoy charm.

Grandpa Amos McCoy:
[to Luke] If Henry Devereaux had a little less money, why, he'd almost make a real McCoy.

Luke McCoy:
Grampa, tell me this. Why is it that fellas, when they get married, they keep their figures real good, you know, but women, right away, they start gettin' kinda fat and dumpy?

Grandpa Amos McCoy:
Well, it's nature occurred, that's all, Luke. You see, after they get the fella hooked, they don't care no more how the bait looks!

[first lines]

[Little Luke is inside the barn trying to get his dog to perform tricks in front of Grampa and Luke]

Little Luke:
Come on, Mac! Up, boy, up! Here's some candy, Mac! Come on, Mac!

[Mac ignores Little Luke's commands, and Grampa and Luke begin to walk away]

Little Luke:
Wait! Watch Mac do this trick. Go get the ball, Mac!

[Little Luke tosses a ball, and Mac continues to ignore him]

Grandpa Amos McCoy:
Maybe he's part setter, and just wants to set.

Grandpa Amos McCoy:
Now, Luke, you know full well there never was a McCoy who worked indoors. Why, you're a farmer - you're born to the soil.

[takes Luke's hand]

Grandpa Amos McCoy:
Look at them hands - strong and powerful! Them hands is for tillin' the soil, not for coddlin' women's toes!

[Grampa refuses to see the new doctor about his cold]

Luke McCoy:
When it comes to seein' a doctor, Grampa is tougher than a bride's first meatloaf!

Luke McCoy:
Ma'am, trying to sell me a swimming pool is like trying to sell a fur coat to a skunk!

Luke McCoy:
[to Louise] How'd you like to come in for some coffee? I made a fresh pot yesterday.

[last lines]

Grandpa Amos McCoy:
Pepino Garcia, you're a real McCoy!

Uncle Lopez:
Well, if the groom were willing to dispense with a few formalities - say, the trifling details of a dowry, the happy event could take place next week.

Luke McCoy:
Oh, uh, what's this here dowry?

Grandpa Amos McCoy:
Yeah, I never heared of that one!

Uncle Lopez:
It is nothing - it is just an old custom!

Kate McCoy:
Oh, that's the money and the goods and things that the bride brings when she's going to marry a man.

Grandpa Amos McCoy:
Well, what do you know? That's like buying a saddle and gettin' the horse throwed in, ain't it?

Hassie McCoy:
[begins crying] Oh, Grandpa

Grandpa Amos McCoy:
Hush!

Hassie McCoy:
I won't hush! Everything's happening so fast! You've got me so confused, I don't know what I'm doing!

Grandpa Amos McCoy:
You're gettin' married - that's what you're doin'!

Hassie McCoy:
That's just it - I don't want to get married!

Grandpa Amos McCoy:
What? What about you, Jerry?

Jerry:
I'm kinda confused myself!

Hassie McCoy:
After all, I'm only sixteen - I'm not ready yet! There's so much to do - I haven't even finished high school!

Jerry:
And I probably won't get my football letter!

Grandpa Amos McCoy:
Well, that's a fine state of affairs! Best forget the whole thing!

Luke McCoy:
Sugar babe! What happened to the dress you was gonna make?

Kate McCoy:
Well, I made this one, instead.

Grandpa Amos McCoy:
Why, that ain't no dress - that's just a high skirt! I seen hoochie-koochie dancers with more'n that on!

[last lines]

Grandpa Amos McCoy:
You know, if you was twenty years younger, you could get your picture on the cover of a Sears catalogue!

Flora MacMichael:
Oh, Amos!

Clifford:
Hey, that's good, Kate. Now, if you'll just lengthen your backswing a bit, you'll get more speed.

Luke McCoy:
[interrupts impatiently] Ju-Ju-Just a minute, there - if anybody's gonna lengthen my wife's backswing, it's gonna be me!

Vern:
You're scared!

Little Luke:
Who's scared? My Grandpa says us McCoys aren't ascared of anything.

Lennie:
Then why are your knees shaking?

Little Luke:
I don't know. I'll ask my Grandpa!

Kate McCoy:
Luke!

Luke McCoy:
What's the matter? Why... why are you all...?

[glances at handkerchief and realizes lipstick is on it]

Luke McCoy:
Oh, well, I can explain that. I... I know this must look funny to you.

Grandpa Amos McCoy:
I don't think so, Luke.

[glances at Kate's stern visage]

Grandpa Amos McCoy:
She ain't laughin' none!

Luke McCoy:
Look, Eddie happens to be a very nice boy and he's smart as a whip, too. Do you know he made that car out there with his own hands?

Grandpa Amos McCoy:
Well, the Comanche Indians made their poison arrows with their own hands, too!

Luke McCoy:
Doctor, I'd just like to say one thing. I want Grandpa to have the best care no matter what it costs 'cause, you see, we got an insurance policy, so we don't have to worry about the money. I don't care if it costs a hundred dollars, or two hundred, or even three hundred.

Grandpa Amos McCoy:
Luke, for a kid that couldn't say "Mama" until he was four years old, you sure turned into a gol' durn flapjaw!

Pepino:
[referring to Sam Hartunian being deported] He's a wetback?

[first lines]

Ralph Wilson:
Hi'ya, Pop! Whadda ya know?

Grandpa Amos McCoy:
Well, I know one thing for sure - I ain't your Pop!

Hassie:
Mrs. Slade, did you used to live on a farm, too, like your husband?

Gladys Slade:
Well no, hon. But my brother did. He was on an Honor Farm!

Mrs. Cooperton:
...your granddaughter - is it Hassie?

Grandpa Amos McCoy:
That's right. It's short for Tallahassee. We had a cousin, one time, come through there, and he sent us a postcard, and we kinda liked the name.

Mrs. Cooperton:
[while being chewed out by her husband] Harry, how could you talk to me this way!

Mr. Cooperton:
Well, it was easy, once I got started.

[last lines]

Luke McCoy:
Grampa, why don't 26-year-olds listen to 66-year-olds when they know they're right?

Grandpa Amos McCoy:
Oh, I don't know, Luke. I guess it's just that young'uns don't want to be cheated out of the golden opportunity to suffer! It's all part of growin' up!

Luke McCoy:
Maybe they was trying to trap you into one of them charge accounts. You know, so you'll buy things you don't need just to show you can!

Grandpa Amos McCoy:
[to Fay Wray] More power to ya!

[last lines]

Hassie:
[to Grampa, Luke, and Kate] You're the most wonderful, lovable, kind, and - and...

Grandpa Amos McCoy:
Sneaky?

Hassie:
...sneaky family.

Mr. Bailey:
Looks like there are a lot of rocks up there.

Grandpa Amos McCoy:
Oh sure, sure. That's what makes the land valuable. Why, they're just beggin' for rocks in the city for stepping stones and fireplaces and things like that. Rocks are the backbone of this country, y'know. You take away the rocks and what've you got left? Just dirt!

[Grampa has been acting much younger than his age]

Luke McCoy:
I don't know how he does it. It must be some kind of a weird miracle.

Kate McCoy:
You know what they say: "You're only as old as you feel".

"Don't sing to me now little lady...I'm too old to go with you now"

Little Luke, Hassie, Pepino, Out in the barn dag nabit!