The Ren & Stimpy Show

[on a weird, alien planet]

Female Chihuahua:
Can you spare a cup of protoplasm?

Ren:
They all think I'm crazy, but I know better. It is not I who are crazy. It is I who am *mad*! Can't you hear them? Didn't you see the crowd?

[the guys are applying for jobs as firehouse dogs. Ren paints them both with "Dalmatian Paint"]

Ren:
Now, what do you see, Stimpy?

Stimpy:
Ugly black spots.

Ren:
RIGHT. Now shut up and look stupid.

[Ren & Stimpy are camped out in a tent on a weird planet. A knock is heard]

Ren:
Hey, Stimpy, go answer de flap.

Pixie Stimpy:
Hey Ren, you ready for another day of back-breaking labor, kissing dew drops?

Pixie Ren:
Dew drop dead.

Stimpy:
Ahem. Presenting the Cheese-A-Phone. Now we can communicate with various cheeses, regardless of their foreign tongue. Go ahead, Ren, say something in Limburger.

Narrator:
How can he possibly resist the maddening urge to erradicate history at the mere push of a single button? The beautiful, shiny button? The jolly, candy-like button? Will he hold out, folks? Can he hold out?

Stimpy:
No I can't! Yeagh! [Pushes button]

George Liquor:
Hey! Whose trash is that?

Ren:
Stimpy, move your butt! It's a higher mammal! [They leave]

George Liquor:
Keep out of my trash! I'm telling you for the last time! A man works hard for his filth just to have vagrants come and steal it. It's a crying shame.

Ren:
Teeth to the left of me! Gums to the right of me! I tell you I can't stand it! I'm going *mad*!

Ren:
Oh, my beloved ice-cream bar. How I love to lick your creamy center. [eats bar of soap] And your oh, so nutty chocolate covering. You're not like the others. You like the same things I do: Wax paper. Boiled football leather. Dog breath. We're not hitchhiking anymore. We're riding!

Stimpy:
I know how you can be important. I know how you can be really important.

Ren:
Really? How?

Stimpy:
You can be the president... of my fan club!

Ren:
President? Wow! President. [Ren imagines he's the President of the United States]

Ren:
[Screaming on the phone] What do you mean you don't agree with me? Do you know who you're dealing with? [Pushes "The Button"; A loud explosion blows up a chunk of the world; Ren laughs maniacally]

Ren:
[Back to reality] I'll do it!

Ren:
You! You and your fan mail, Mr. Fan Club. Everyone love you, don't they? Well, guess what the mailman brought for you today? *Nothing!* This letter's for me! You, they have forgotten! Now it is me they love. It is I who am most loved! It is I who shall rule! You see? This is the proof that you are finished! [Opens letter] Listen! Listen to what it says. "Dear Ren: - That's me, that's me! - You are my favorite TV star." Are you getting this? [Rubs the letter on Stimpy's face] It's me they love! I am *king*! "When I grow up, I want to be just like you." How about that? [Elbows Stimpy in the stomach; Stimpy doubles over with pain] A man with some ambition! "You are my favorite person in the whole world. Love - He says love - Your friend... Stimpy"?

Mailman:
Hello, Mr Cat. You're looking healthy today.

Ren:
[Wearing a Stimpy disguise] Shut up! Duh! I don't want any more of your flithy letters. Your services are no longer welcomed here, and - Duh! - tell those stupid kids to stop writing fan letters for me, Stimpson J. Cat. Duh!

Mailman:
Whatever you say, Mr. Cat. Actually, I only have one letter today. It's for Mr. Hoek. I guess I'll have to throw it out.

Ren:
Give me that! [Takes letter and closes door] Letter for me! Letter for me! Nothing for Stimpy!

[Ren is sitting at the foot of the bed, shaking and sweating]

Ren:
I... I was nice today. Nice to those insipid little monkeys, answering their stupid letters. My hands... DIRTY! THE DIRT WON'T COME OFF!

[He screams]

Ren:
President... Ha! What a joke. President. President of what? *His* fan club! How they love him! Look at him, lying asleeeeep. The idol of millions. He's a fool! A sad, silly little fool. How easily I could end the farce... with these hands! These DIRTY hands! AND WITH THESE HANDS I HOLD THE FATE OF MILLIONS! They think he's a god, but he's as mortal as we. I know! Just one squeeze... then it's over.

[Ren moves toward Stimpy menacingly]

Ren:
Just... one... squeeze... AAAAH! It's happening again! MY BRAIN! MY HOT... STINGING... BRAIN!

[He holds his pulsing brain, screaming in agony]

Stimpy:
[Stimpy rapidly pokes at Ren's shoulder while he sleeps] Ren? Ren?

Ren:
What EEZ IT, man?

Ren:
At last I have control of your TV set. Are you receiving me? Welcome to our secret headquarters.

Stimpy:
Thousands of miles beneath the earth's crust.

Ren:
Shut up you fool! How do we know we can trust them?

Stimpy:
We could make them take the oath!

Ren:
Perfect! The oath! Put your hand on the TV screen and repeat after me. I do hereby promise only to watch the Ren and Stimpy show. To make underleg noises during the good scenes. To wear unwashed Lederhosen every single day of the rest of my life! That's it, you're in our secret club! Alright Stimpy, they're OK. Show them the stuff.

Stimpy:
Congratulations...

Ren:
Shut up and show them.

Stimpy:
I'm showing them, I'm showing them. OK kids, its time for a secret cartoon!

[repeated line]

Ren:
YOU SICK LITTLE MONKEY!

[Ren is asleep atop of Stimpy]

Ren:
Oh my darling, my little cucaracha. I kiss your sleep encrusted eyes. I caress your large bulbous nose... ooh, let us join lips een one final sweet exchange of saliva.

[kisses Stimpy, then wakes up]

Ren:
AHHHH! I've been poisoned! I must wash myself.

[drinks out of toilet]

Ren:
What's de matter with you man? Have you no sense of hygiene?

Ren:
Hey, Jasper. Where's Phil?

Jasper the Pup:
I told you, they put him to sleep.

Ren:
So wake him up.

Jasper the Pup:
You don't wake up from the *big* sleep.

Ren:
The big sleep... THE BIG SLEEP? THE BIG SLEEP! THE BIG SLEEP!

Stimpy:
What's the big sleep, Ren?

Ren:
...he's DEAD! DEAD YOU EEDIOT! YOU KNOW WHAT DEAD IS? JUST LIKE WE'LL BE IF WE DON'T GET OUT OF 'ERE!

Ren:
At last I have control of your T.V. set. Is you're mother there? No? Good! Welcome to our secret headquarters.

Stimpy:
Deep inside the lower intestine of a sperm whale!

Sperm Whale:
[At vet's office, clutching stomah] OH GOD! GOD! I CAN'T STAND IT! MAKE THE PAIN STOP!

Ren:
Belay that nose-picking, Cadet!

Stimpy:
[praying] And please bless Grandma and Grandpa...

Ren:
And please give me a million dollars, and a fridge with a padlock and, oh yeah, huge pectoral muscles.

Stimpy:
[singing to the tune of "God Save the Queen"] Our country reeks of trees, our yaks are really large, and they smell like rotting beef carcasses. And we have to clean up after them, and our saddle sores are the best. We proudly wear women's clothing and searing sand blows up our skirts. And the buzzards they soar overhead, and poisonous snakes will devour us whole, and our bones will bleach in the sun. And we will probably go to...

[bleep]

Stimpy:
...and that is our great reward for being the Royal Canadian Kilted Yaksmen!

Stimpy:
Hey, Ren, this horse reminds me of your Uncle Eddie.

Ren:
Why is that?

Stimpy:
Because he's big and stinky.

Ren:
Hey, you shouldn't say mean things like that! Didn't you ever consider that this horse might have feelings?

[Stimpy puts the Happy Helmut on Ren]

Ren:
[panicky] 'ey! What iz this? Get it off me!

Stimpy:
It's the Happy Helmut, Ren. Now you'll always be happy! And this is the remote control, and I use this button to control how happy you are.

Ren:
YOU, SICK LITTLE MONKEY!

Powdered Toast Man:
Quick, man! Cling tenaciously to my buttocks!

The Pope:
Both of them?

Powdered Toast Man:
[being sworn in as President] I, Powdered Toast Man, do solemnly swear to relieve the American citizens of their basic human rights.

Ren:
I'm all out of powdered toast!

Man-Eating Village Idiot:
Thou doth possess a great wealth of ignorance.

Ren:
Don't listen to him, he's a good guy but not quite right in the head

Fire Chief:
I've known fellas like that

Salve Salesman:
How do you think Gerorge Washington fit into his party dress? *Salve*!

Stimpy:
Happy-happy, joy-joy.

Ren:
[afflicted with Space Madness and holding a bar of soap he's been chewing] Oh, no! I know what you want! You coveteth my ice cream bar!

Stimpy:
Easy now...

Ren:
[shouts] No you don't! You can't take it from me now!

[starts to cry]

Ren:
I've had this ice cream bar since I was a child. People... always trying to take it from me... why... won't they leave me... *alone*!

[grabs a toothbrush]

Ren:
[shouts] Don't make me use this! One step closer, I'm warning you! Don't make me use it! [Stimpy takes one more step] Now you've done it! You forced me to use it! [Brushes his teeth]

Ren:
Boy, Stimpy... we sure had fun today, didn't we? So long, kids! Come on, Stimpy, say goodbye.

Stimpy:
Duh, where are we going?

Ren:
[to Stimpy] The show's over. [to Audience] See you next time!

Stimpy:
Next time? When's that?

Ren:
Pretty soon. Don't worry.

Stimpy:
Pretty soon? [getting choked up] How long is that?

Ren:
In a little while, man!

Stimpy:
[crying] A little while? What'll we do 'til then?

Ren:
Why, you could shave your yak... or eat olive loaf!

Stimpy:
Blecch! [resumes crying]

Ren:
I know! You can keep yourself busy with this! [gives Stimpy a bag of Gritty Kitty Litter]

Stimpy:
Oh, joy! [takes the bag and runs off-screen] [bag-tearing and litter-crunching noises are heard]

Ren:
[getting pelted with clumps of litter] Eh... goodbye, folks!

Stimpy:
Duh, goodbye, folks!

Ren:
Now listen, Cadet. I've got a job for you. See this button?

[Stimpy reaches for the button; Ren slaps his hand away]

Ren:
Don't touch it! It's the History Eraser button, you fool!

Stimpy:
So what'll happen?

Ren:
That's just it. We don't know. Maybe something bad, maybe something good. I guess we'll never know, 'cause you're going to guard it. You won't touch it, will you?

Ren:
I'm so hungry I can't stand it. What are we having?

Stimpy:
Ta-da!

Ren:
A can! Wait a minute. What are you having?

Stimpy:
The usual. I'm having a sock.

Ren:
You're giving *me* the can? Are you sure?

Stimpy:
Go ahead. It's yours.

Ren:
You're one of the good ones, man.

Ren:
All right, Stimpy. He's got us. Give him back the five bucks.

Stimpy:
[crying] I can't! I've been bad, Ren. You'll smack me.

Ren:
When have I ever? Now go ahead. Tell me what's wrong?

Stimpy:
All this talk about eating made me hungry. I ate the five bucks.

Ren:
[Slaps Stimpy] You stupid idiot! You filthy worm! You bloated sack!

Stimpy:
[singing like Sinatra] When I eat too much, I regurgitate / Some hits the table, but most hits the plate / I like to eat, then re-eat what I ate / That's why my stomach -That's why my stomach, Jack! - that's why my stomach gets a cramp.

[Stimpy's nose returns after striking out on it's own]

Stimpy:
Nosey, Nosey, Nosey! We saw you on TV.

Ren:
So we burned it!

Stimpy:
That was the union, Local 6-7/8s, and we're on a walkout.

[Takes out his Sidekicks Union card]

Ren:
Organized ignorance, eh?

Ren:
[Stimpy is on strike, so Ren calls for replacements] Hello, Scab Union? I need another replacement. No, send them all over. I'll pick my own scabs from now on.

[Repeated line]

Mr Horse:
No sir, I didn't/don't like it.

Anthony Raspanti:
[goes to the bathroom, only to discover Ren is on the toilet while Stimpy is taking a bath] WHAT? NO, What are you doing? Cartoon characters can't do that!

Ren:
Wait a minute... I'm not stupid. I've seen cartoons like this before. If I set foot in that yard, I'll probably get ripped to shreds by some enormous dog! Go look again and see if there's a dog.

Stimpy:
Yes sir! [Checks yard through fence] Hm... nope, no dog!

Ren:
Oh, boy! [Runs into yard] [Sounds of Ren getting beaten up]

Stimpy:
[Peeks over fence] There's no dog... but there's a baboon!

Mr. Noggin:
You don't understand! Nobody understands! And so, I became a recluse, forever hidden and lonely. Spare the world my grotesqueness! Oh Lord! I put my pants on one leg at a time, too! Have you no heart?

Ren H?ek:
You're right. I will mend my evil ways. Starting tomorrow!

Stimpy:
Ren. You're... you're angry?

Ren:
You darn tootin' I'm angry. I've never been so angry in my entire life. Wait a minute. I feel GREAT. I love being angry. Thank you, Stimpy.

Stimpy:
[a little scared] Happy to be of service?

[Ren is trying out Stimpy's Stay-Put Socks]

Ren:
Say, these are great. How do they work?

Stimpy:
They're filled with glue.

[glue oozes out of the top of the socks]

Stimpy:
Stay right there. I'll get the Stay-Put hat and raincoat.

Ren:
[shouts] You filthy swine. I will kill you!

[From the Happy Happy Joy Joy song]

Stinky Weaselteats:
I told you I'd shoot! But you didn't believe me! Why didn't you believe me?

Stimpy:
[Ren strangles him] Ren you're angry?

Ren:
You're darn tootin' I'm angry, I've never been this angry in my entirely life! [shakes Stimpy while he twitches like a fish on dry land] [suddenly happy] Hey I feel great, I love being angry! [puts Stimpy down] Thank you Stimpy!

Stimpy:
Happy to be of service? [Ren laughs manically]

Fire Captain:
I've had it up to here with the likes o'you people! Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were circus midgets.

[Ren's personified emotions, who are really just rocks, are heckling him]

Ren H?ek:
STOP! Who... who are you? You're not my friends! You're just pretending to be! So you can STEAL all my STUFF! Well I'm on to you!

[He rushes over to a mummified body & tears its arm off, pointing the hand at the mummy's head like a gun]

Ren H?ek:
Staaand back! One false move... and the mummy gets it! I know all about your PLOT... you're all in this together... each and every one of you... sleepin on my gravel bed! Eatin all my SAAANNNDD... well here's something you can REALLY have!

[Ren starts clubbing the rocks with the mummy body, smashing it to pieces]

Ren:
[to Stimpy after many nights of not getting any sleep] Pss, hey Guido. Its all so clear to me now. I'm the keeper of the cheese... and you're the lemon merchant, you get it? And he KNOWS it. That's why he's gonna KILL US. So we got to beat it... ya... before he lets loose the marmosets on us! Don't worry little missy... I'LL SAVE YOU!

Wilbur J. Cobb:
Now back in the old days, a producer was king! Don't get me wrong; I've worked with the best actors in showbiz, ha ha ha! Clark Gable, dumb ears, I said, "That's no good! Get a moustache, you got no lip! You keep spittin' on the other actors!", and Jimmy Cagney, a dwarf, "Put a box under him", I said, and... and, and, uh, Mae West, heck of a nice guy, I tell ya. I don't remember one from another, but I had 'em all.

Stimpson J. Cat:
This looks a great place to kill twelve minutes.

Stimpson J. Cat:
[about Kowalski] Come on Ren be nice to the product of your loins

Ren H?ek:
Yeah my fake loins!

Ren H?ek:
[Catching Kowalski smoking] What do you think you're doing!, you're seven years old don't you know that smoking can kill you!, now I really ought to spank you!

Fly:
[the smell from Ren's mouth chases away several flies from Stimpy's cat pan] Hey, we're trying to eat here! And you stand here, airing out your stinky old gumhole. What are you trying to do, make us puke?

[Ren and Stimpy are in a foxhole in the midst of a war]

Stimpy:
Uh... R-ren?

Ren:
Whaaaaat?

Stimpy:
I... I gotta go wee-wee!

Ren:
Oooooh no you don't! Not in MY foxhole! You go over THERE!

[Ren points to an obvious port-a-potty trap surrounded by enemy soldiers]

[after being sent back to life from Purgatory, Ren heads to a fire with a box of his things]

Stimpy:
No, Ren! You can't! You mustn't! Have you taken leave of your senses, man?

Ren:
Shhhh. Stay thy tongue, my son. I hereby rid myself of my most valued worldly goods. My collection of... celebrity toupees!

[Ren pulls the toupees out of the box & begins tossing them into the fire]

Ren:
William Shallert...

[He tosses it into the fire]

Ren:
Burt...

[Into the fire]

Ren:
And Bazoo the Clone!

[He tosses a clown wig into the fire, setting it ablaze]

Ren:
Do you have to keep tapping like that, you bloated sack of protoplasm?

Ren:
Do you have to keep stumping like that? You bloated sack of protoplasm!

Ren:
Look at you, man! You're a full-grown cat still watching cartoons! Why, you're three-years-old! Do you know what that is in human years?

Ren:
Oh, listen to me, man. I'm your friend. Don't you know cartoons will ruin your mind? Look what it's done to your brain!

[having heard about a contest where the winner appears on "The Muddy Mudskipper Show," Stimpy writes a poem about Gritty Kitty Litter, the show's chief sponsor]

Stimpy:
[writing] Gritty Kitty ain't so pretty, but it's really thick / It fits my cat box oh, so snug, it always does the trick / I love to pour it on my toe, and squish, and squish, and squish / It ne'er offends my tender nose like a smelly fish / Its texture is a joy to me, it's just as smooth as silk / It makes my little whiskers twitch...

Ren:
[mockingly] It stays crunchy, even in milk.

Stimpy:
[gasps excitedly then continues writing] It stays crunchy, even in milk / I may not be the President, I may not be the Pope / But as long as I have Gritty Kitty, [blinks happily] I shall never mope.

Ren:
You fat bloated idiot! You worm! You... you stupid!

Ren:
[after finishing writing a poem for the "Muddy Mudskipper Show", Stimpy walks to the mailbox to mail his letter followed by Ren] Where are you going? I tell you these contests are a scam; nobody ever wins them! Don't be a sucker.

Stimpy:
[whines] But I wanted to meet Muddy Mudskipper...

Ren:
Oh, you idiot! He's just a cartoon character. Not real. Not flesh and blood like WE! I'm telling you, cartoons aren't real. They're... they're, eh... they're... puppets!

Stimpy:
[in fright] EEEHH!

Ren:
[Ren places his pillow on the couch, the pillow deflates slightly and forms a crude effigy of Stimpy] Goodnight Stimpy. [Screams] You're haunting me!

The Pillow:
[the pillow comes to life, looks at the camera and says in an ethereal voice] He's talking to pillows kids.

Wilbur J. Cobb:
[on the phone, with his chair turned away from Ren and Stimpy] Listen, I own this town! Melted from scratch out of bale wire, and blastin' caps!

Stimpson J. Cat:
Ah-h-h-hem!

Wilbur J. Cobb:
Later, babe. I got a 12 PM, I can't do lunch. [Cobb turns around to reveal he's speaking not into a phone, but into a seashell] Thursday? Yeah, yes, I'll get right under it. [Cobb sets down the seashell, and a crab craws into his ear] Well well, girlies, what can ya do for me?

Stimpson J. Cat:
Uh, uh, here is the cartoon movie I have brought to show you. I hope you...

Wilbur J. Cobb:
Ssssh! The walls have teeth. Us Italians have to stick together, ya know. Now, what is it ya have for me? [Cobb takes off his glasses, which takes his eyes with them]

Stimpson J. Cat:
My, my film?

Wilbur J. Cobb:
The film! The film, of course, the film! Have I ever told you how we made that film? We spent hundreds of millions of hours and dollars on that film, and, and it was a lot of cra, a bunch of cra, a, a whole bunch of cra, a lot of...

Stimpson J. Cat:
Uh, "crap"?

Wilbur J. Cobb:
No! Walter Lantz! No account son of a busdriver. Hahaha. Now get this... [as Cobb stands up, his arms fall off] If you want to be a genius, it's easy: All you gotta say is, "Everything stinks." Then, you're never wrong. That's how much of a genius I am! That's how I got to where I am today! [Cobb briefly flashes a G-string] Then, we got smart. We are not, will not, be the janitor of these starry-eyed amateurs. [hacks so hard, his dentures fly out of his mouth and into Ren's mouth] World War I: There I was, up to my elbows in Nazis. Now, don't get me wrong: I'll eat just about anything, just so long as it's easy to swallow. [Ren struggles and swallows the dentures] Now, to make a moving picture, ya gotta have two things: Pushers and shovers. Oh, we made mistakes, but I don't regret it, no sir. [Cobb's right ear slides off his face and onto Stimpy] Fortunately, everybody can't be a chief. The chief is not only the right-hand man, but also the left-hand man. He is the short man, he is the tall man! From one man to another, he is no man whatsoever! Ya got that, shorty? [Ren winces at Cobb's bad breath. Cobb notices Stimpy is holding his ear; Stimpy wears it as an impromptu hat and laughs nervously] Now get this: They either got it, or they don't got it. But gosh darn it, I can hold my water! Until the masses cry, "Cheat the plate!" And I say unto them, "Let the doves free!" ["Hallelujah Chorus" plays] Any questions?

Ren H?ek:
[stammering] I... I was nice today, nice to all those insipid little monkeys!, answering all their stupid letters! [nervously looking at his hands] My hands... dirty! [starts rubbing them together] The dirt won't come off! [screams] President what a joke, president... president of what? [looks over at Stimpy] His fan club!, how they love him! [crawls onto Stimpy's stomach] Look at him lying there asleep! [stands up and stares at him] The idol of millions! He's a fool, a lying, silly little fool!, how easily I could end the farce [looks at his hands] with these hands, these dirty hands! [in a demonic voice] and with these hands I hold the fate of millions!, they think he's a god, but he's as mortal as we!, I know! [imagines saw marks on Stimpy's neck] Just one quick twist! [makes strangling and twisting motions] and it's over, just one! [reaches for Stimpy's throat] [suddenly grabbing his head in pain] No it's happening again!, my brain! [in a demonic voice] My hot stinging brain! [shrieks in terror]

Ren H?ek:
What do you MEAN you don't agree with me? Do you know who you're DEALING with?

[looks to his right and raises his fist to crush "The Button", which blows up a chunk of the earth]

Ren H?ek:
HA HA HA! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! AH HA HA HA...!

Stimpy:
Don't you know what today is, Ren? It's Tuesday the 17th, the unluckiest day of the year! You see, Ren, when the moon enters Libra, and the house of confluence shifts into retrograde, Virgo erupts, under pressure from Mercury. This causes the planets to align in a conga line of chaos and disaster!

Stimpy:
[after falling off the roof with Ren] We're getting luckier by the minute, Ren. I can feel it in my bones.

Ren:
You! The four of you! Oh, what I'm gonna do to you. I'm so angry! First, I'm gonna tear your sprinkles out. Yeah, that's what I'm gonna do. And then I'm gonna gouge your eyes out. Yeah, that's what I'm gonna do.

Stimpy:
We don't like this, Ren.

Sv?n H?ek:
Yeah, you's scary us.

Ren:
Yeah, you're scared, huh? Next, I'm gonna tear your arms out of the sockets. And you wanna know what else? I'm gonna hit ya, and you're gonna fall, and I'm gonna look down, and I'm gonna laugh. And you're gonna cry. But first, FIRST! I gotta take a whiz. Don't you go anywhere. You stay right here, right on this spot. I'll be back.

[after Sv?n closes the closet door, we hear the following dialogue... ]

Sv?n H?ek:
What shall we do now?

Stimpy:
I know! Let's play circus! [pause] Look at me, I'm a juggler!

Sv?n H?ek:
I'm a bearded lady!

Stimpy:
And I'm a sword swallower!

[a "gulp" sound is heard, followed by Sv?n giggling]

Sv?n H?ek:
[looking at Stimpy's bean-sized brain] Wow. Willikers! It's so big.

Ren:
[Opens door] Cousin Sv?n! Say something intelligent.

Sv?n H?ek:
[Standing backwards] Uh, he is Olaf, you are Sv?n. He is Olaf, you are Sv?n.

Ren:
Sv?n, come here, you old yak gelder. I want you to meet Stimpy. He's an idiot.

Stimpy:
Ah...

Ren:
Stimpy, say hello to a superior creature.

Stimpy:
Duh... Hello, stuperior creature.

Sv?n H?ek:
He is Olaf, you are Sv?n. He is Olaf, you are Sv?n.

Ren:
Is that not the face of intelligence or what? [Notices Sv?n is facing the wrong way] Turn around, you sick little monkey!

Stimpy:
Hey, Ren! Your cousin's the coolest! We're lodge brothers. We're from the Loyal Order of Stupids.

Ren:
I knew it! Cat dirt everywhere! Oh, well. At least I'm home. Now I can follow my intellectual pursuits.

[Beat]

Ren:
My opera records! Covered in bubble gum! Aaagh! My collection of rare, incurable diseases! Violated! Nooo! My dinosaur droppings! Painted like Easter eggs! Aaargh! You eediots!

Stimpy:
Ren! Don't talk like that! Remember the Anthem of the Canadian Kilted Yaksmen! [Blows a note on his whistle] Our Country reeks of trees. Our Yaks are really large. And they smell like rotting beef-carcasses. And we have to clean up after them. And our saddle sores are the best. We proudly wear women's clothing and searing sand blows up our skirts. And the buzzards they fly overhead. And poisonous snakes will devour us whole. Our bones will bleach in the sun. And we will probably go to ["Hell" is censored] and that is our great reward for being the Roy-oy-al Canadian Kilted Yaksmen! Everybody!