The Rockford Files: If the Frame Fits...

Police Capt. Doug Chapman:
False arrest, huh? You know something, you're full of it. You never commit any crimes but you always end up at the booking desk. What is that? Coincidence or what?

Jim Rockford:
More like sloppy police work.

Police Capt. Doug Chapman:
You know something? You're 90% mouth!

Cmdr. Diehl:
Look! Let's just do this and get the hell out of here! When I get rousted out of bed at the middle of the night, it tends to put me in a really lousy mood.

Jim Rockford:
Well, you can imagine the mood I'm in; I not only got rousted, I got patted down. Try that at three in the morning.

Jim Rockford:
Oh, what a shame. I slept in 'til three. [with sarcasm to Becker after Becker complained of being woken up early]

Jim Rockford:
He attacked me.

Police Capt. Doug Chapman:
That's not what I heard.

Jim Rockford:
Well, you heard it wrong, Chapman, you always do. I would say it's your big failing but you have so many.

Jim Rockford:
Oh, yeah, I hate paper work. But every once in a while, well, I was playing catch up.

Jim Rockford:
[on the phone to a bill collector] Oh, Bobby. Bobby! Oh, no, I'm not ducking you. No, Hey, hey, yeah, Bobby, yeah I know what I said. Yeah. Yeah, hey, look - Bobby, I can't give you what I don't have; I'm tapped out. Well, yes, I know it's been three and-a-half weeks, but if it makes you feel any better I got at least half a dozen other people who've waiting for payment for over two months.

Police Capt. Doug Chapman:
You expect us to believe that?

Jim Rockford:
Of course not, it's the truth.

Lt. Dennis Becker:
In the cookie jar, sir!

Lt. Dennis Becker:
Knock it off - there's nothin' for me to feel guilty about, so don't even try.

Jim Rockford:
You told him I carry a .38.

Lt. Dennis Becker:
Like that information's not in the computer.

Jim Rockford:
My cookie jar isn't in the computer. At least it wasn't!

Lt. Dennis Becker:
Your .38 wasn't there, so they decided not to charge you, at least not yet; too circumstantial without the weapon.

Jim Rockford:
What do you mean it wasn't there?

Lt. Dennis Becker:
They looked in the cookie jar, they found Oreo's.

Jim Rockford:
Did they look under the Oreos?

Lt. Dennis Becker:
These are trained police officers; of course they looked under the Oreos.