The Survivors

[Confessing to his wife that he's a hitman]

Jack:
So you see, I'm not out there committing adultery. I'm out there committing murder.

Betty:
Oh, thank God!

[Donald and Jack in a shoot-out to the death]

Donald:
Jaaaack?

Jack:
Yeah?

Donald:
Time out, OK?

Jack:
Time out?

Donald:
Time out.

Jack:
What do you mean, 'time out?'

Donald:
You're not gonna believe this. I was in a hurry when I left the cabin this morning, and, well, silly me, I got the wrong bullets.

Donald:
You shot my gun god damn it! You're not supposed to shoot a person's gun! Oh, now that pisses me off! You know how much one of these cost?

Donald Quinelle:
What kind of man gives cigarettes to trees?

Sonny Paluso:
You think Wes is God, don't you.

Donald Quinelle:
No, not God, Just an ordinary man. Maybe a little ahead of his time, but just an ordinary man.

Sonny Paluso:
Wes is an a**hole.

Donald Quinelle:
Blasphemy! Oh, you'll smoke a turd in hell for that!

Donald Quinelle:
OK, Mr. Honky Mo-Fo... take your best shot!

Jack:
I was raised a strict Southern Baptist. I place a high value on human life... $20,000 minimum.

Donald Quinelle:
I'm sorry I'm gonna have to blow a large hole in your skivvy heart.

Donald:
[dressed in a face-obscuring, hooded, fur-lined parka] I feel like a gynecologist for a grizzly bear.

Donald:
Well, I was nervous.

Jack:
What about me?

Donald:
Oh, come off it, man. You're so cool, you piss ice cubes.

Jack:
It's a hereditary thing in my family, y'know. Uhh, nerves, colitis, y'know.

Donald:
Colitis? Y'know, that must be horrible being a professional killer with colitis.

Jack:
Yeah, that's what...

Donald:
They hear you coming, don't they?

Candice Paluso:
Listen, this is gonna sound like a really stupid question, but, uh, aren't you guys gonna get really bored out here if society doesn't collapse?

Donald Quinelle:
I wouldn't worry about that. Wes says society is heading for the big "flush". And we're going to be the ones who are clinging to the rim while everything else goes down.

Candice Paluso:
Eeew!

Sonny Paluso:
What're you going to do if things get better?

Donald Quinelle:
Is the air getting better?

Candice Paluso:
That's true.

Donald Quinelle:
The economy? The Middle East? Arts, literature, television, US Presidents improving?

Sonny Paluso:
Anyone can nitpick.

Donald Quinelle:
Sonny, name one thing that's gotten better in the last ten years.

Sonny Paluso:
[Sonny is stumped]

Donald Quinelle:
See?

Candice Paluso:
Video games.

Sonny Paluso:
Video games! There you are.

Donald Quinelle:
Alright, I acknowledge that.

[first lines]

Betty:
Mr. Quinelle!

Donald Quinelle:
Morning, Betty!

Betty:
Mr. Stoddard would like you to step into the board room.

Donald Quinelle:
He wants to see me?

Betty:
You can go right in.

[last lines]

Donald Quinelle:
Tell me things are gonna work out, Sonny.

Sonny Paluso:
Everything's gonna work out.

Donald Quinelle:
Yeah, yeah. Boy, it's been a strange winter, hasn't it?

Sonny Paluso:
Not really.

Donald Quinelle:
No.