The Thief Who Came to Dinner

Webster:
[to Jackie] In a world full of thieves, I wanted to be an honest one.

Webster:
[meeting Laura for the first time] Maybe I've been nominated as a reformer.

Laura:
No... only the women want to reform me. The men like me just as I am.

Webster:
[Laura is jealous about Jackie] Goddamnit! I love you! I live with you! And you know enough about me to put me away for three hundred years! What must I do to prove myself?

Laura:
[pause, then] Everything.

Webster:
Don't forget, you walked out on me!

Jackie:
I walked out on a computerized man, not a chess burglar!

Webster:
[last lines; Dave has finally caught Webster doing a robbery] Did you bring your gun with you?

Dave:
What do you think?

Webster:
Because that's the only way you're going to bring me in. Jail does not suit my lifestyle. So if you want to bring me in, you're going to have to shoot me.

Dave:
[pause, then] Maybe I'll just have to do that.

Webster:
If you feel about me the way I've grown to feel about you... then I don't envy you. [Dave stares at Webster, but says and does nothing. The sound of police sirens is heard. Webster turns and starts to run; Dave just stands there and watches him escape]

Webster:
[to a dog pound attendant] I'm looking for a large dog in heat.

Webster:
[to the female dog he's brought along to distract guard dogs] Wendy, tonight you're going to be the belle of the ball.

Jackie:
I thought you were honest.

Webster:
Only when I'm stealing.

Webster:
Hello, my name is Webster McGee. I broke into your safe last week while you were away in Europe. Have a nice trip, Gene?

Webster:
I'm well educated, Gene. And I've recently come into a great deal of money. Some of it is yours.