The Topeka Terror

Ben Jode:
President Cleveland's proclamation will be issued any day now and the claims will be filed through the Red Dust land office just like I figured.

Henchman Clyde Flint:
That's what Parker's been telling me.

Ben Jode:
Who's Parker?

Henchman Clyde Flint:
The land agent here.

Ben Jode:
Can we get to him?

Henchman Clyde Flint:
I already got to him. He likes to play roulette. He owes me $6500.

Ben Jode:
So he's been buckin' that crooked wheel of yours, huh?

Henchman Clyde Flint:
[hurt] Oh, Ben. Let's say out of balance... It sounds much nicer.

Trent Parker:
Why that's wholesale claim jumping!

Ben Jode:
Let's dispense with that term, Parker. I prefer to call it land promotion.

Joe Green:
I tell you, Parker, I filed my claim according to regulation. This Matt Johnson's a claim jumper!

Trent Parker:
You say you filed a claim, but I have no record of it in my book, Mr. Green. There it is in black and white. The lot you say is yours is recorded by Mr. Matt Johnson.

Joe Green:
Then this record book don't tell the truth.

Trent Parker:
Are you accusing me of being crooked?

Don Quixote 'Ipso-Fact' Martindale:
Ah, let me handle this matter, my friend - I am a lawyer. Yes sir, I will get out a writ of habeus corpuscles. I will nully contender that man Johnson.

Don Quixote 'Ipso-Fact' Martindale:
Maybe we're not as half as bad off as we think we are.

Mrs. Green:
We couldn't be any worse off. Why the menfolks haven't even got a vote.

Don Quixote 'Ipso-Fact' Martindale:
If we can prove our cases against those claim jumpers, then they will be the illegal residents.

Chad Stevens:
In the meantime, Flint will be running the new county as Sheriff.

William Hardy:
If there were only some way these folks could establish legal residence.

Don Quixote 'Ipso-Fact' Martindale:
Oh, yes, but there isn't. I just wrecked, or at least I wracked my brains to think of something. I even read one of my own lawbooks.

William Hardy:
You seem to know a lot about your land laws.

Chad Stevens:
A wandering cowboy picks up a lot of information... most of it's worthless.

Don Quixote 'Ipso-Fact' Martindale:
I tell you, I will take this case to the Supreme Court. Even higher!