The Trouble with Harry

Capt. Wiles:
Blessed are they who expect nothing, for they shall not be disappointed.

Miss Graveley:
How old do you think I am young man?

Sam Marlowe:
Hmm... fifty. How old do you think you are?

Miss Graveley:
Forty-two! I can show you my birth certificate.

Sam Marlowe:
I'm afraid you're going to have to show more than your birth certificate to convince a man of that.

[Upon finding the Captain dragging a body along the ground]

Miss Graveley:
What seems to be the trouble, Captain?

[the Captain and Miss Graveley have afternoon tea together]

Captain:
A real handsome man's cup.

Miss Graveley:
It's been in the family for years. My father always used it... until he died.

Captain:
I trust he died peacefully. Slipped away in the night?

Miss Graveley:
He was caught in a threshing machine.

[Referring to Harry Worp]

Jennifer Rogers:
He looked exactly the same when he was alive, only he was vertical.

Captain:
Marriage is a good way to spend the winter.

[Discussing Jennifer's recently deceased husband Harry]

Jennifer Rogers:
You can stuff him, for all I care. Stuff him and put him in a glass case, only I'd suggest frosted glass.

Sam Marlowe:
What did he do to you? Besides marry you.

Sam Marlowe:
Perharps I'll come back tomorrow.

Arnie:
When's that?

Sam Marlowe:
The day after today.

Arnie:
That's yesterday. Today's tomorrow.

Sam Marlowe:
It was.

Arnie:
When was tomorrow yesterday?

Sam Marlowe:
Today.

Arnie:
Oh, sure. Yesterday.

Miss Graveley:
[to Capt. Wiles] I'm grateful to you for burying my body.

Capt. Wiles:
[after Dr. Greenbow trips over the body] Couldn't have had more people here if I'd sold tickets.

Capt. Wiles:
[as he sees Sam Marlowe coming] Next thing you know they'll be televising the whole thing.

Sam Marlowe:
Let's get Harry and pop him in.

Capt. Wiles:
With hasty reverence.

Jennifer Rogers:
I've never been to a home-made funeral before.

Capt. Wiles:
I have... it's my third. All in one day...

Sam Marlowe:
You're not supposed to bury bodies whenever you find them. It makes people suspicious.

Jennifer Rogers:
[Sam is kissing her] Lightly, Sam. I have a very short fuse.

Capt. Wiles:
Coming home from Madagascar once we had a fireman on board who hit his head on a brick wall and died two days later.

Sam Marlowe:
Where did he find a brick wall on board a ship?

Capt. Wiles:
Mmmm... that's what we always wondered.

Sam Marlowe:
I think, Captain Wiles, we're tangled up in a murder.

Capt. Wiles:
Murder. If it's murder who dunnit?

Sam Marlowe:
Who did it?

Capt. Wiles:
That's what I say, whodunnit?

Arnie:
How do rabbits get born?

Sam Marlowe:
Same way elephants do.

Capt. Wiles:
I fired three bullets. Three! One for the hunting sign, one for the tin can...

Sam Marlowe:
...and one for the little man who's lying in the grave.

Miss Graveley:
[Arnie puts a dead rabbit on the table while the Captain and Miss Graveley are having tea] What do you call him?

Arnie:
Dead.

Capt. Wiles:
Where did you get him?

Arnie:
I found him.

Miss Graveley:
Where did you find him?

Arnie:
[Looking at the tea table] In the blueberry muffins.

Sam Marlowe:
Didn't know you had such a pretty mother, Arnie.

Arnie:
You think she's pretty, you should see my slingshot.