The Undefeated

Shortgrub:
You ain't expecting trouble, are you John Henry?

Col. John Henry Thomas:
Trouble? Well, let's see... We got Maximilian on one hand and Juarez on the other, and bandits in between. And on top of that, we're Americans in Mexico taking a cavvy of horses to a very unpopular government. Why should we expect trouble?

[McCartney is dying]

Shortgrub:
McCartney.

McCartney:
Mr. McCartney. Shortgrub, I said a lot of mean things to the boys, didn't I?

Shortgrub:
Yeah, you did.

McCartney:
Tell them from me, I meant every damn word.

Col. James Langdon:
If I can find the time, I'm going to sit down and write the social history of bourbon.

Ann Langdon:
You went out there to talk, why did you have to shoot the man?

John Henry Thomas:
Conversation kinda dried up, ma'am.

D.J. Giles:
Wait a minute! I didn't do anything!

John Henry Thomas:
You should have!

[Union Captain allows last escaping wagon to cross river]

Yankee sergeant at river:
Sir, I don't mean to...

Union Capt. at river:
I know, sergeant! But if I can't have the whole dog, I don't want the tail!

Yankee sergeant at river:
Yes, sir.

Col. John Henry Thomas:
[Thomas and Langdon are talking to the Mexican bandit] Is the flap on your holster snapped or unsnapped, my Confederate friend?

Col. James Langdon:
Snapped, my Yankee friend.

Col. John Henry Thomas:
Then, I guess I'm his pigeon. [Draws and fires as the Mexican goes for his gun]

Col. James Langdon:
[on finding his men still in uniform] General Robert E. Lee surrendered, am I right?

Capt. Anderson:
Yes, sir.

Col. James Langdon:
That means that officially we no longer exist as an armed body; yet everywhere I look here today I see armed men, wearing uniforms and flying the battle flag! Get it down!

Col. John Henry Thomas:
[Thomas has just learned that the war ended several days before] Major, I've just received word that Lee surrendered to Grant three days ago.

Maj. Sanders, CSA:
Yes, sir.

Col. John Henry Thomas:
You knew it?

Maj. Sanders, CSA:
We received the news yesterday.

Col. John Henry Thomas:
I don't think you understand, Major, the war is over.

Maj. Sanders, CSA:
NO, sir.

Col. John Henry Thomas:
Are you telling me that you intend to keep fighting?

Maj. Sanders, CSA:
Haven't we just proven it, sir?

Col. John Henry Thomas:
But why?

Maj. Sanders, CSA:
Because this is our land, and you're on it.

Col. John Henry Thomas:
We're all Americans.

Maj. Sanders, CSA:
Yes, sir... that's always been the saddest part of it.

Col. John Henry Thomas:
Good day, sir.

Maj. Sanders, CSA:
Colonel, thank you for your courtesy.

[during a tryst with Charlotte, she tells him she's sixteen]

Blue Boy:
I like that you're so young. It gives us more time to be together.

[kisses her]

Station-keeper:
See'd your dust all day. What you drivin'? Buffalo?

Col. John Henry Thomas:
Stage arrived yet?

Station-keeper:
It's overdue. I ain't askin' cause I don't care, but if your name's Thomas there's a couple of poppinjays waitin' inside ta see ya. They been here for two days now. I give 'em water the first day and they've took'n root.

Col. John Henry Thomas:
Government agents?

Station-keeper:
I ain't asked. They ain't said.

Col. John Henry Thomas:
Windage and elevation, Mrs. Langdon; windage and elevation.

Shortgrub:
Where to, John Henry?

Col. John Henry Thomas:
Shortgrub, I've been tryin' for three years to get you to call me Colonel. Now it's too late.

Shortgrub:
Where to, John Henry?

Cpl. Little George:
Oh, no. Not again.

Col. John Henry Thomas:
[after seeing Cpl. Little George for the first time] You sure you wanna go through with this?

Bobby Joe:
Biggest Reb I ever saw...

Col. John Henry Thomas:
That's the biggest *anything* I ever saw. [takes Bobby Joe's hat] Here... I'll write your folks.

Bobby Joe:
Huh? Oh... yeah.

Col. James Langdon:
[takes the bottle of whiskey from the Sargent] Let's just say we haven't seen the end yet.

Col. John Henry Thomas:
[takes the bottle from Col. Langdon] You will if you keep drinkin' this stuff.

Col. James Langdon:
Y'all come back now... y'hear?

Shortgrub:
[after being served a scoop of beans, picking at something with spoon] Hey... McCartney!

McCartney:
*Mister* McCartney!

Shortgrub:
There's somethin' crawlin' in these beans!

McCartney:
Well, you can speak to it but don't play with it... or else the others'll want one in their beans too!