The Unusuals

Sergeant Harvey Brown:
What is that?

Detective Henry Cole:
It's an onion.

Sergeant Harvey Brown:
I know it's an onion. What is it doing on your desk?

Detective Leo Banks:
It's part of the job, Eric. Paperwork.

Detective Eric Delahoy:
It's a little creepy though, don't you think? I mean, all these files, you know. Names, addresses, pictures. You know who did a lot of paperwork?

Detective Leo Banks:
Who's that?

Detective Eric Delahoy:
Nazis.

Sergeant Harvey Brown:
Some city councilman's daughter was attacked. First thing tomorrow morning, I'm going to need you to go there and take a statement.

Detective Leo Banks:
With all due respect, Sarge, we'd rather work Kowalski.

Sergeant Harvey Brown:
And I'd rather my son didn't wear his mother's underpants.

Detective Allison Beaumont:
Here's what you need to know about the Second: Alvarez talks about himself in the third person, Banks sleeps in a bulletproof vest, and yesterday Delahoy named his mustache.

Detective Casey Shraeger:
What about Walsh?

Detective Allison Beaumont:
On the plus side, he doesn't stare at your b*obs when he's talking to you.

Detective Casey Shraeger:
The down side?

Detective Allison Beaumont:
I've got great b*obs. Why isn't he looking?

Vera Moran:
[answering the door in her bra and panties] You're not the pizza guy.

Detective Jason Walsh:
[holding up his badge] Yeah, and this isn't a porn film.

Detective Jason Walsh:
[Puts plate on counter in front of customer] Here you go. Pork Chops.

Customer:
I'm a vegetarian. That's why ordered a salad.

Detective Jason Walsh:
No, eat it. You'll like it.

Customer:
What's the red stuff?

Detective Jason Walsh:
It's a Skittles reduction. We're out of fruit.

[last lines]

Detective Jason Walsh:
This is how it works: We pass the badge down 'til it kills you... and then we hang it on the wall. So let's raise a glass. Because a cop is dead, and he most certainly will not be forgotten. Here here.

Squad Members:
Here here!

[first lines]

Dispatch:
Second Squad this is Dispatch. Be on the lookout for a man in a hot dog costume, last seen running west on Hauser Street. Suspect may, or may not, be wielding a Samurai sword.

Sergeant Harvey Brown:
It's the NYPD, Detective. If you're not a little confused, you're not paying attention.

Dispatch:
Second Squad, this is Dispatch. Be on the lookout for a Puerto Rican male wearing in a cape and no pants.

Vera Moran:
He was a good guy.

Detective Jason Walsh:
No, he was a cop. You don't kill a cop in New York.

Detective Eric Delahoy:
[goading cat killer in a squeaky voice] Why did you kill me, Harold? I have a wife and kittens. Is it because I lick my butt? I know it's disgusting, but I can't help it.

Detective Jason Walsh:
You think people shouldn't keep secrets. I think that we *are* our secrets.

Detective Casey Shraeger:
I have secrets.

Detective Jason Walsh:
A vibrator in your bedside table is not a secret.

Detective Jason Walsh:
You know what a cop is to most people? A garbage man. We go through people's trash, look for clues, cleanup their mess. That's the job, right?

Detective Henry Cole:
[after shootout] Jesus!

Detective Eric Delahoy:
No, I'm okay.

Detective Henry Cole:
No, Jesus! [image on the wall]

Detective Jason Walsh:
It's a Skittles reduction, we are out of fruit. [Serving dinner to a dubious customer at in his cafe]