The Vice Guide to Travel

Trace Crutchfield:
[at the Favela's Balie Funk] The drug-dealers are throwing a party! It's UNBELIEVABLE!

David Cross:
I just ate a f***ing dog!

Pakistani Guide:
[pointing gun at camera] If anybody come to my side, I will definitely kill him.

Derrick Beckles:
So I'm going to Paraguy to hang out with Nazis.

Black Marget dealer:
[explaing the dirty bomb he sold] This shell, I showed to them and finally, he told me that this is credible.

Suroosh Alvi:
I've been watching the mainstream news in America, and every few months they say the war in Afghanistan is over. Whenever I hear that I think to myself, 'How could that be? I've been there. I've seen kids making guns with their bare hands in caves.' I just don't buy it. The war's not over.

Suroosh Alvi:
[entering a private pass in Pakistan] The Aryans came through. The Mongals came through. The British Army came through and got destroyed. It's a special place.

Naeem Afridi:
Special place... for special peoples.

Suroosh Alvi:
Aww, thanks, buddy.

Trace Crutchfield:
[after hearing multiple gunfire] That was a bad street, I was thinking already - let's get outta' hear.

Rio Guide:
Let's go through.

Trace Crutchfield:
Can't we go the other way?

Trace Crutchfield:
Pow pow pow pow pow! Five gunshots I think. All I heard was 'Run.' I turned around, I left the whole team. I was long gone. I just remembered what my Pa told me; 'Just don't be the last one.'

Gavin McInnes:
[buying a ciggarette lighter] How much for this?

Chinese salesman:
It's... uh... sixty.

Gavin McInnes:
Sixty?

Chinese salesman:
Yeah.

Gavin McInnes:
Hmm. That's a lot. Maybe less. Maybe, like, ten.

Chinese salesman:
Ten?

Gavin McInnes:
You know what? I feel like I'm gonna have to come back, because I feel like because I'm a westerner you're making it more expensive - because I'm American.

Gavin McInnes:
You know, the story is that they'd have barber shops and the barber shops started competing, so then they'd have massages at barber shops. Then the massages lead to prostitution, and then people didn't really care about a hair-cut anymore. They still have, I don't know why, all the barber chairs sitting there.

David Cross:
I think it's a really good business plan, and I wish more businesses would adopt it - like libraries, banks, convenience marts...