The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles

The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles

The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles is an American television series that aired on ABC from March 4, 1992, to July 24, 1993. Filming took place in various locations around the world, with "Old Indy" bookend segments filmed in Wilmington, North Carolina and on the campus of the University of North Carolina at Wilmington. The series was an Amblin Television/Lucasfilm production in association with Paramount Network Television. The series explores the childhood and youth of the fictional character Indiana Jones and primarily stars Sean Patrick Flanery and Corey Carrier as the title character, with George Hall playing an elderly version of Jones for the bookends of most episodes, though Harrison Ford bookended one episode. The show was created and executive produced by George Lucas, who also created, co-wrote, and executive produced the Indiana Jones feature films. Due to its enormous budget and relatively low ratings, the series was canceled in 1993. However, following the series' cancellation, four made-for-television films were produced from 1994 to 1996 in an attempt to continue the series. In 1999, the series was re-edited into 22 television films under the title The Adventures of Young Indiana Jones.

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Year:
1992
1,271 Views

Man:
You boys look like you crawled through hell on your bellies.

Indiana Jones:
We didn't crawl.

Pablo Picasso:
I love this town!

[Indy is dangling from the basket of a hot air balloon while flying over an African camp full of angry German soldiers]

Frederick Selous:
[calling up to him] You were supposed to meet us back at the wagon!

Indiana Jones:
I GOT SIDETRACKED!

[repeated line]

Remy:
My poor Suzette! She will never see me again!

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
And that's how we got the emperor's letter out of Austia. Sadly though, the Kaiser got wind of what the emperor was up to. He called the kid in on the carpet, gave 'em a real dressing down. I don't know what pressure he applied, or what force he used, but he forced emperor Karl to go back on his promise. So, the war dragged on for another year. A few more million lives were lost. Karl's prediction came true: the thousand year monarchy crumbled. He was the last emperor of Austria.

Postal Woman:
What a drag!

Postal Woman:
[old Indy is grabbing around in a US mail box] Once you dropped something in that box, it becomes the property of the U.S. government until delivery.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
Oh, dear me. I haven't had so much trouble delivering a package since the incident in Viena back when I was a spy.

Postal Woman:
Spy? You mean like James Bond?

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
I mean a real spy in the war!

Postal Woman:
What war?

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
World War One. Of course we didn't number it back at the time, because we had no idea there was gonna be a sequel.

Prince Sixtus of Bourbon-Parma:
That's the trick cyclist we passed on the way in. We thought he was an errant boy.

Indiana Jones:
That's captain errant boy to you, second lieutenant. And unless you're dressed for a masquerade I fully expect to be saluted.

Indiana Jones:
How will I find this Schultz?

Major Delon:
Schultz will find you.

Indiana Jones:
German spies don't concern me so much. All they do is shoot us. Its the Austrian secret police that worries me more.

Prince Sixtus of Bourbon-Parma:
And what would they do?

Indiana Jones:
Poke our eyes out, strip our flesh, feed us our innerts, for starters.

Prince Sixtus of Bourbon-Parma:
Now what?

Indiana Jones:
Now we make contact with Schultz. Or rather, he makes contact with us.

Xavier:
I wonder what this Schultz looks like?

Indiana Jones:
I can't tell. I'm sure he's a master of disguise.

Schultz:
I'm Schultz.

Prince Sixtus of Bourbon-Parma:
[recognizing the plump lady from the train] You're right, he is a master of disguise.

Schultz:
This is no time for jokes. There is danger. Follow me.

Prince Sixtus of Bourbon-Parma:
Well, Lieutenant. Unless you're dressed for a masquerade, we fully expect to be saluted.

Indiana Jones:
Don't press your royal luck.

Indiana Jones:
I've got a bad feeling about this.

Count Ottokar Graf Czerin:
These... demands are somewhat problematic.

Emperor Karl I of Austria:
But not altogether unjustified.

Count Ottokar Graf Czerin:
The Kaiser can be a powerful enemy. As England and France have already learned.

Emperor Karl I of Austria:
I'm not merely being noble. It's not just the men in the trenches I want to save. I don't want to go down in history as the last emperor of Austria. The one who let a thousand year monarchy crumble through his fingers like dust.

Emperor Karl I of Austria:
Shame really. I would have enjoyed a quiet, uneventful life.

Prince Sixtus of Bourbon-Parma:
Shakespeare said: first thing we should do let's kill all the lawyers. He was wrong. We should start with the bloody diplomats!

Emperor Karl I of Austria:
[slipping a letter into Indy's coat] Our brothers are precious. I know you'll look after them.

Prince Sixtus of Bourbon-Parma:
The sewer was a really wonderful idea. [Indy throws a towel in Sixtus' face] What an incredible new smell you've discovered.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
[to female postal worker] You know, I've always had a thing for ladies in uniform. [she laughs]

German 2nd:
Well Count, The old bull ring I understand is traditional in these encounters?

Count of Toledo:
You are well informed. The sand you see, soaks up the blood.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
This reminds me of the time that I was a spy in Spain during the first world war.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
[narrating] I was stationed in the ancient seaport of Barcelona. You know, there's that lovely boulevard that leads down to the harbor, romantic cafes, you know, hidden behind shady vines. Amazing buildings by mad Spanish architects. What a place for a young man. And what a place for a spy. I tell you, Spain in World War One was every spy's dream. The entire anti German alliance worked as a team. There was Marcello, the Italian. He'd seen everything. There was Charles, a Frenchman, who used to be a tax inspector. There was Cunningham, the Englishman. In peace time, he wrote thrillers and in war time he acted them out. And there was me, the new boy on the block.

Pablo Picasso:
[Indy is getting reacquainted with Pablo Picasso] Don't tell me you're...

Indiana Jones:
Yup!

Pablo Picasso:
Norman! How's the painting coming along, huh? [gives Indy a hug]

Indiana Jones:
No, Norman Rockwell was another kid, I'm Indiana Jones.

Pablo Picasso:
Ah, well, we can't all be talented.

Indiana Jones:
Well, I just wondered if you wanted any help with...

Pablo Picasso:
[grabs Indy by the lapels] Picasso wants help in painting? You think any pagan just walks in off the street to paint like Picasso paints?

Diaghilev:
I need someone who knows how to stand still. Drop your trousers.

Indiana Jones:
Now listen...

Diaghilev:
I wish to look at your legs.

Diaghilev:
Very well, I will make you a eunuch.

Indiana Jones:
My name is Indiana Jones, Mr. Diaghilev.

Diaghilev:
[chuckles] Don't be silly! That's not a Russian name.

Indiana Jones:
Neither am I...

Diaghilev:
Everybody in my ballet company is Russian, Igor.

Balet Dancer:
He has English Russians...

Balet Dancer # 2:
Italian Russians...

Balet Dancer # 3:
And French Russians.

Diaghilev:
You think I can afford to bring Russian Russians all the way from Russia?

Cunningham:
So, you've successfully infiltrated the old tutu brigade, eh?

Marcello:
And the Count is, how you say in Englese? Eh, a semi-pshychotic paranoid introvert.

Charles:
An exceptionally jealous blighter.

Chauffeur:
Sorry to be a moment or two late, your honor, I had to rescue a priest from a mob of anarchists.

Count of Toledo:
That's no excuse for poor time keeping, Julio.

Cunningham:
I say. Look at Igor. He's flashing his codpiece.

Marcello:
And it's in Morse code!

Cunningham:
Madame, we owe you and Colonel Schmit an apology.

Nadia:
You'll have to deliver his to the cemetery, you toffee-nosed bozo!

Spanish 2nd #1:
[the count has just shot the top of two statues] I think I know why no one has ever attempted to have an affair with the countess before now...

Count of Toledo:
Very well gentlemen, shall we go and should ourselves... a German?

Nadia:
Military intelligence! It's a contradiction in terms!

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
You may think we're right back where we started, but the crucial thing is: it was a jolly good effort!

Theatre Caretaker:
Ah there you are, Professor Jones.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
That's me.

Theatre Caretaker:
You're audience is waiting across the hall in lecture room 103.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
My audience?

Theatre Caretaker:
Yes, the Pennsylvania History Society? This is the American Congress of Neurology.

Professor Henry Jones, Sr.:
No one makes coffee like you, Louise.

Louise:
Aw!

Patron at Diner:
She's a legend.

Professor Henry Jones, Sr.:
I'll tell you what someone said to me. The most extraordinary person I ever met. I was eleven years old. My father was giving a lecture tour around the world. We went to India. A place more strange and exotic than I had ever seen.

Professor Henry Jones, Sr.:
[narrating] Well, we saw everything: the Taj Mahal and all the other palaces. We ended up in Benares, the city on the sacred river Ganges. Benares is the holiest city in India. A place where all the religions in the world come together in harmony. A place of spirits and mystery. We were invited to stay at the Hindu National College. [chuckles] I was supposed to be studying geometry, but I decided to take a look around.

Jiddu Krishnamurthi:
Would you like to play?

Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
Sure. Wait a minute. I'm supposed to be studying.

Jiddu Krishnamurthi:
So am I.

Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
Great!

Jiddu Krishnamurthi:
What is your name?

Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
Well, my parents call me Henry, but you can call me Indy.

Jiddu Krishnamurthi:
Jiddu Krishnamurthi. This is my brother, Jiddu Nitya.

Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
You have the same first names? [an Indian boy laughs]

Jiddu Krishnamurthi:
Where are you from?

Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
New Jersey. I'm American.

Jiddu Krishnamurthi:
Here we say the last names first.

Miss Seymour:
You learned how to play cricket?

Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
The pitcher's called a bowler and a curve balls' called a googly

Miss Seymour:
Well, you did learn some cricket. Perhaps the afternoon wasn't a waste after all.

Professor Henry Jones, Sr.:
Miss Seymour is a member of the Royal Society of Literature. And the Royal Victorian order. There are many Oxford students in her debt. Myself included.

Charles Leadbeater:
You have become less than friendly, madame.

Miss Seymour:
No. Merely inquisitive.

Charles Leadbeater:
That was a rather dirty trick, trying to expose my ignorance of Greek.

Miss Seymour:
Do I have an aura?

Charles Leadbeater:
Yes in fact you do.

Miss Seymour:
[holds up her arm] It's funny, I can't see it.

Charles Leadbeater:
I can.

Miss Seymour:
Oh you can see it? Because you're a psychic, right? You have telepathic powers. So tell me, what am I thinking now?

Charles Leadbeater:
Miss Seymour, psychic power is not something to be joked about. Your skeptisism is merely a reflection of a rather limited western education and upbringing.

Jiddu Krishnamurthi:
I want you to think of something you want more than anything else in the world.

Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
I want... I want to live forever! [they sit down under a tree]

Jiddu Krishnamurthi:
But everybody has to die. You cannot live forever. How does that make you feel, Indy?

Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
I feel sad, I guess.

Jiddu Krishnamurthi:
That is the answer to your question. You see, people want things they cannot have and that makes them sad and they suffer.

Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
[looking at a statue of Shiva] Why is he called the destroyer?

Jiddu Krishnamurthi:
He sounds mean, doesn't he? But really, Shiva is a compasionate god, because in Hinduism, the destroyer of life is also the bringer of life. So what Shiva destroys, he renews and restores.

Charles Leadbeater:
For a proper English woman, you subscribe to a strange set of manners, Miss Seymour.

Jiddu Krishnamurthi:
No person can lead another to God. Each must search for God alone.

Jiddu Krishnamurthi:
God is not a Buddhist or a Hindu or a Muslim or a Christian or a Jew. God is in every person and in every living thing. There is one thing that every religions say: that God is compassion. God is love.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
[narrating] Annie Besant continued to claim that Krishnamurti was the new world teacher. [cut back to old Indy at the truck stop] But, in 1929 in front of three thousand members of the society, Krishnamurti renounced his membership. For the next 50 years, he gave talks all over the world telling people that God is in all of us and that above all else, we should be kind to one another. Just something to think about. [gets up to leave] See you later!

Trucker:
[baffled] Yeah, see you later.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
This was a land I'd read about in adventure books, but what I saw was different. I didn't know it then, but I was looking at the Garden of Eden, before the fall of man.

Norma:
I'm sure that if the people here would just donate their designer underwear, the trust would meet it's target and we could all go home.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
I remember that there was a time when to shoot an animal was an act of conservation.

Professor Henry Jones, Sr.:
[greeting his old school chum] Medlicot. [starts doing silly hand gestures] The genius of the restoration.

Medlicot:
[doing similarly silly gestures] Aides our own resuscitation!

Miss Seymour:
Henry, Henry, will you slow down. This wilderness has been here for millions of years, it's not going to disappear whilst you unpack.

Medlicot:
We have an excelent cooks here, you know. Some of President Roosevelt's favorite dishes are elephant trunk soup, ostrich liver, giraffe heart. You'll love it! Hmm!

Miss Seymour:
[having heard a lion roar] Well, at least we're in safe company.

Frederick Selous:
No hunter is safe, Miss Seymour.

Teddy Roosevelt:
[to Indy] I can see you're going to be quite a marksman. Always remember: guns should only be used in order to survive.

Teddy Roosevelt:
Beasts such as these belong in a museum, for everyone to share.

Frederick Selous:
Besides, it's wonderful sport. [raises his glass]

Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
I hate snakes!

Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
I'm sorry!

Professor Henry Jones, Sr.:
So you should be. You are going straight to bed. And no supper for you, my lad.

Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
You see, all the plants and animals, they're, they're connected. When something happens to one animal, it causes something different to happen to all the other animals.

Teddy Roosevelt:
Bully for you!

Meto:
[watching the caravan of hunters leave] Bye Indy.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
You know, some years later they named that place Champagne Ridge. Oh, not in memory of Roosevelt, but in memory of the thousands who followed after him.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
That little girl with the gunshot wound, will she make it?

Paramedic #2:
Well, it's been touch and go. We've done all we can for her. We'll just have to wait and see if the vital signs stabilize. What seems to be the problem?

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
Rather trivial compared to that. My foot's swollen. I was stung on the toe by a bee.

Paramedic #2:
I feel like that little Dutch boy trying to plug holes with my fingers while the whole dam collapses around me.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
I met a Dutch boy like you once, German actually. He was in Africa during the first World War.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
[narrating] Through a stroke of good luck I was made a captain in the Belgian army. Then, through a stroke of bad luck I was send on an impossible mission across the heart of Africa.

Remy:
Damn the French. Don't they know we are fighting on the same side?

Indiana Jones:
We'll make do without them.

Remy:
I've gone through hell and mutiny on your side and now you're going to pull rank on me?

Zachariah Sloat:
Listen to me, sonny, if you think you're gonna rig my boat with them explosives, you're as crazy as a rat in a tin can.

Indiana Jones:
You're German.

Albert Schweitzer:
You're perceptive.

Indiana Jones:
Then I'm your prisoner?

Albert Schweitzer:
I'm sorry, I can't accept your surrender. We simply haven't the facilities.

Albert Schweitzer:
[Indy is threatening to blow up the boat and it's cargo] And kindly blow yourself up away from my dock, I need it in one piece.

Indiana Jones:
Why didn't you say something when you boarded the boat?

Joseph:
You seemed in no mood to listen. Besides, I had more immediate concerns. Like not being blown into small bloody fragments of my former self. I do apologize for punching your face so profoundly. I am dazed with regret.

Indiana Jones:
It's alright. I forgive you.

Joseph:
[smiles] I am greatly relieved.

Indiana Jones:
It figures I'd find you in bed. What's this slacking off?

Remy:
The doctor told you I lost two toes? [Indy nods] That leaves eight. More than enough to kick your butt up around your ears.

Indiana Jones:
But... what can you possibly hope to accomplish? This whole continent is festering with disease. What you're doing, is like trying to hold back a tidal wave.

Albert Schweitzer:
I see it more as, ehm, gathering pebbles from a beach. I couldn't carry them all, of course, but I can certainly carry a handful each day. And each pebble I save has value. Well, I saved you, nicht wahr?

Albert Schweitzer:
Reference is a state of mind, not a set of rules. All it requires is everything be done in deep awareness. Good is whatever promotes life. Evil is whatever destroys it. From there you make your own decisions.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
[narrating] Sometimes our light goes out, but it's blown again into flame by an encounter with another human being. Each of us owes the deepest thanks to those who have rekindled this inner light. Albert Schweitzer said that. As I stood on the dock, watching Sweitzer and his wife be taken back to Europe as prisoners of war, I reflected on the very deep truth of what Remy had said. He'd been right all along: it was a fools errant.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
[cut back to the present day Indy in the hospital] The hospital was reclaimed by the jungle. It vanished entirely as if it had never existed. But after the war, Schweitser came back to Africa and started again. He built another hospital, bigger and better than the last. He never stopped gathering those pebbles.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
[narrating] My father was on a world lecture tour. He took the family and my tutor to Florence. Florence, Italy, the most romantic city where everyone was in love with someone, or maybe just in love with love.

Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
All objects attract because of gravity.

Giacomo Puccini:
Miss Seymour... [starts to refill her glass]

Miss Seymour:
Oh, no, really, one glass is enough for me.

Giacomo Puccini:
Miss Seymour, in Italy, enough is barely legal. You are in my country, you must let me show you the way.

Giacomo Puccini:
Italians are innovators because we are dreamers. And we take the time to dream of the impossible.

Giacomo Puccini:
Art is elusive. It is not like the beauty of a woman.

Anna Jones:
Music is a very special language. It can make you feel happy or sad or lonely. Just by the way the notes follow one another.

Giacomo Puccini:
Anna, my life has been renewed from the moment I saw you.

Anna Jones:
I cannot listen to this.

Giacomo Puccini:
Forgive me, I could not stay away.

Anna Jones:
You're making me very unhappy.

Anna Jones:
My head is all turned around, I cannot think, you must leave me alone.

Giacomo Puccini:
Never, I will not turn away from that which feeds my soul.

Giacomo Puccini:
[to Anna] The train leaves at midnight. From that moment on we will be together forever. I know that you love me. I know it. Don't break my heart.

Miss Seymour:
[to Anna] Henry looks more like his father every day.

Mimi:
[moved to tears by Indy's story] Did she ever see him again?

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
No, I don't think so.

Mimi:
Did he write any more music?

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
Oh, yes. 'La Fanciulla Del West'. An opera about an American woman of the old west who gives up her home and friends for the man she loves.

Major Boucher:
You're in command now, It's up to you to get the guns through.

Indiana Jones:
I won't let you down, sir.

Major Boucher:
Course you will. Your soft, undisciplined. No fit to command men.

Dutchman:
You boys look like you crawled through hell on your bellies.

Indiana Jones:
We didn't crawl.

Mike:
I'm sorry I ever met you.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
I have that effect on people.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
Now Listen to me you little snot, You never know how people are going to turn out or what, what changes the'll make in the world. I know. I remember. I was in the first world war.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
[narrating] My friend Remy and I, we has spend five months in the European trenches and we thought anything would be an improvement. So we transferred to Africa where we both received commissions as lieutenants.

Indiana Jones:
Just think of it as a little hike.

Remy:
A hike he says. I'd rather go back in the trenches than go back in that jungle.

Remy:
Two promotions in a day. First captain, now a god. You amaze me!

Major Boucher:
Next time you disobey my commands, I'll skin you alive and feed you to the hyena's. Clear?

Indiana Jones:
As a bell, sir.

Major Boucher:
You have the devil's luck. I hope it holds. We could all use some of it on this trip.

Major Boucher:
Odd... I don't see a soul.

Dutchman:
Germans you think?

Major Boucher:
Not this far west. Deserters perhaps. Seperatist scum.

Sgt. Barthelmy:
Barthemy think you would not leave this child if this was a white child.

Remy:
[leading Indy into Barthelemy's tent] Congratulations, it's a boy.

Indiana Jones:
Oh my God, he brought the kid.

Major Boucher:
Leave the boy. Tie him to a tree if you have to.

Sgt. Barthelmy:
Captain Indy, you're a very good man. A kind man. But not a very smart man. Belgians are not here for my people's future. Belgians are here for white people's future. When this war is over, will the Belgians go home, leave Africa to my people? No! The Belgians want to own African soil, just like the Germans. No diference.

Indiana Jones:
[holding a gun to his commanding officer's head] You're being irrational. Emotions are clouding your judgement. You're endangering the men and putting our mission at risk.

Major Boucher:
This is mutiny, Captain.

Indiana Jones:
I disagree. Now drop your weapon. It's not a request.

Major Boucher:
I'll have you before a firing squad. All of you.

Indiana Jones:
[narrating] As we cross this country, we leave a trail of corpes in our wake like Hansel and Gretel leaving a trail of breadcrumbs.

Major Boucher:
That little bastard saved our skins.

Indiana Jones:
[to Barthelemy] Sergeant, under no circumstances are you given leave to die. That's an order. One I expect you to obey for a change.

White Nun:
Was he the boy's father?

Indiana Jones:
He was his friend. Now the boy has nobody. You speak Ubangi?

Black Nun:
Yes I do.

Indiana Jones:
Tell him that his friend loved him and he must never forget what his friend said: don't be afraid to grow strong and wise. Make your people proud. Will you tell him that, sister?

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
When he was old enough, I wrote to him about our sargeant and his dreams for the future.

Mike:
So what's the point?

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
What?

Mike:
You make me sit through this whole, long story and there's no point? But the missionary's raised him, he got an education, he became the first president of the Central African republic, the father of his country. Barthelemy Boganda. You can read about him in the history books

Charles De Gaulle:
There you are, Yuri, all the way from St Petersburg. [hands him a parcel]

Yuri:
Ts! But remember: save your string!

French Officer:
What are you doing with all this string?

Leonid:
Russian supersticion: put the string from your gift in your pocket and you will get many more.

Yuri:
Da.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
You can't keep me here.

Policeman #1:
Yeah?

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
There's no prison made that can hold me. I knew Houdini! You wait 'till my lawyer gets back from lunch.

Policeman #2:
Good luck, old man.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
[addressing his cellmates] Alright boys, who's got an escape plan. No plan?

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
I've busted out of prisons designed by the most creative minds...

Greasy Inmate:
What are you in for, old timer? Boring someone to death?

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
Oh, heh, you don't believe me huh? This cracker box ain't nothing. The Germans. Now they built prisons. When I was serving in the Belgian army during the Great War, I was captured just North of the Somme. After a very terrible battle. Many of my friends were dead and some of them missing. I was lucky. But I didn't know how long it would last...

Indiana Jones:
[Emile and Indy have aquired the uniforms of two dead officers] I'm Lieutenant Piere Blanc from Paris.

Emile:
Captain Francois Toussaint from Lyon. At last I outrank you. Maybe I wil have you shine my boots, yes?

Indiana Jones:
Don't count on it.

Emile:
Maybe this will be the war that does not end. Maybe it will just go on, forever.

Captain Heinz:
You look uncomfortable, Benet.

Benet:
Me?

Captain Heinz:
Why are you uncomfortable, hm?

Benet:
It must be that smell, Captain Heinz, the smell of Germany, the armpit of Europe. [Heinz smacks him across the face with his cane]

Commandant:
Lieutenant Blanc. A man who does not waste time. You arrived here at four p.m., twelve hours later you are climbing out of a tunnel. Remarkable. I have taken measures to limit your career as an escape artist.

Charles De Gaulle:
I am lecturing on medieval military tactics.

Indiana Jones:
Why medieval tactics?

Charles De Gaulle:
I beg your pardon?

Indiana Jones:
Well, if French and English generals would have studied the American civil war, we would've beaten the Germans by know.

Charles De Gaulle:
A bold statement lieutenant.

Indiana Jones:
Do you hate the Germans?

Charles De Gaulle:
They are the natural enemy of France. We fought them in 1817, we fight them now, and this I guarantee you, corporal, before this century is over we will fight them again.

Charles De Gaulle:
Mark my words, corporal, the next great war, will not be won with superior men, it will be won with superior machines. Tanks and airplanes.

Richter:
Dunsterstadt was chosen to hold you not because of it's aestatitcs. Not because of it's geographic location. But because it cannot be escaped from!

Indiana Jones:
Now what should we do?

Charles De Gaulle:
What we always do: keep trying.

Indiana Jones:
The only way out of here is in a coffin.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
So, I ran across the German countryside as though the devil himself were on my tail. At last I spotted this lovely farm house among the hills...

Inmate #2:
[banging on the door] Officer! Get this old guy out of here.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
Told you boys I'd be out in an hour!

Charles De Gaulle:
So tell me, Lieutenant: Where are you from in France?

Indiana Jones:
Paris.

Charles De Gaulle:
So am I. Name the three roads leading from Paris to Versailles.

Indiana Jones:
[hesitantly] The Rue de Napoleon... the...

Benet:
Traitor, spy! [moves in on Indy]

Charles De Gaulle:
Wait! He's not German. Who won the World Series in 1912?

Indiana Jones:
What?

Charles De Gaulle:
Just answer the question.

Indiana Jones:
The Boston Red Sox.

Charles De Gaulle:
He's not German, he's American! Is your rank also fake, Lieutenant?

Indiana Jones:
Okay, I enlisted in the Belgian army. They were the only ones who would take me without asking questions about my age... I'm a corporal.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
[about his favorite soap opera] I've got to find out if Ralph is Maud's lover, or her twin brother in disguise...

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
Now there are times when life is just like theater. You know where I learned that?

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
[she shakes her head] In Ireland.

Indy's daughter:
Oh, dad, we've got to go.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
No, no, no wait, I'm just getting started.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
Now, I was on my way to London with my friend Remy. We were gonna join the Belgian army, you see. Now a boat took us to Queenstown and we landed there. It was April, just a little before Easter, 1916.

Indiana Jones:
[taking in the Irish countryside] This is certainly more colorful than Mexico.

Remy:
That's for sure!

Maggie Lemass:
How many countries have you visited?

Indiana Jones:
Well, most of Europe, then Africa, India, China...

Nuala:
Isn't that where all the little boys wear pigtails?

Indiana Jones:
Well, not just the boys, the men too.

Maggie Lemass:
[the girls giggle] Holy Mary!

Sean O'Casey:
Political! Legendary! Hairy fairy old bollocks!

Indiana Jones:
He said he like your play.

Sean O'Casey:
He did not! He said it was challenging. Challenging! That's only one step up from interesting. The last bloody thing any writer wants to hear.

Sean O'Casey:
When a play is good it changes ya. Changes the way you look at things, changes the way you think.

Sean Lemass:
Stay away from my sister, or you'll get a poke in the eye!

Remy:
How can they hope to win?

Sean O'Casey:
They're not looking to win. What they are looking for is a glorious defeat.

Remy:
Then they are insane.

Sean O'Casey:
Are they? Ireland's always needed their martyrs. A blood sacrifice, that's what they're after.

Sean O'Casey:
It's a bosses war you're fighting. You're going to be killed in the name of capitalist gain.

Indiana Jones:
We'll try not to.

Sean O'Casey:
Ah, the hell with ye! Good luck.

Sean O'Casey:
Will you be comin' back?

Indiana Jones:
I hope so.

Sean O'Casey:
Better take a good look then. Because you'll never recognize her. The old Ireland's changed.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
He was right. Old Ireland was never the same again. But Sean Lemass was not shot, no sir, he survived and went on to become prime minister of Ireland.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
Well, what about my show?

Indy's daughter:
It finished ages ago.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
Finished? Oh, damnation, why didn't you stop me?

Indy's daughter:
No one's ever been able to do that, dad.

Maggie Lemass:
The cream cakes here are just grand.

Indiana Jones:
Have you ever known me to lose a bet?

Stefan:
Ankara. But you would never admit it.

Mustafa Kemal:
A German officer said to me the other day at the palace: Turkish soldiers always run away. I said Turkish soldiers never run away unless their officers run away first. And in this case, their officers are mostly German. [pause] Write it down, print it.

Stefan:
Henry, be careful.

Indiana Jones:
Aren't I always?

Stefan:
No. I would say... not always. [Indy opens the door, only to catch their assistant eavesdropping]

Mustafa Kemal:
Mr. Anderson, if that is your name, which I doubt. You may have been led to believe that all Turks can be bribed, but I can assure you, that is not true.

Indiana Jones:
[posing as journalist Nils Anderson] Sir, I'm sure that there is room for negotiation. If, if you were to make a seperate peace, it would at least save lives...

Mustafa Kemal:
These people are not interested in that, they're like vultures. Feeding on the dying carcas of the Otoman Empire. The Empire is dying, but this nation is not. It will not die as long as I live.

Molly:
Did you tell me anything that was true?

Indiana Jones:
Yes Molly. Molly, I told you that I loved you! You know that's true!

Molly:
Do I? You think you can just take the disguise off and say: look, I know you loved Nils Anderson, but I'm, I'm someone quite different. I'm me, love me instead?

Indiana Jones:
When I was fighting in the trenches I saw thousands of people killed for nothing. A lot of them were my friends. If I succeeded in shortening this war, even by a day, I save thousands of lives. I thought I could do that without hurting you.

Molly:
I came to say: I don't care about what happened. I just wanna spend the rest of my life with... you...

Bob Traynor:
[whispering] I know this isn't your favorite subject, but when the IRS starts making threats, we have to take them seriously. What they find hard to believe that you can still manage at your age to clock up the same standard of expenses which they had trouble accepting when you were in your prime. It might help if you were to occasionally produce a receipt.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
That voice reminds me of the time I was in London in 1916. [narrating as the scene dissolves] I arrived with my friend Remy. We first met in Mexico but he was Belgian. And he'd come to join the Belgian Army, so he could fight the Germans who had invaded his country two years earlier.

Recruiting Sergeant:
[browsing the form Indy has just filled in] Henri Defence. Name of father, Henri Defence also... name of mother Anna Jones. Your parents are not married?

Indiana Jones:
Oui, non, oui, oui, oui.

Lady Lavinia:
Typical of these suffragettes. Always abusing and bullyragging anyone who disagrees with them. Even a war widow.

Indiana Jones:
Sorry. I wish there was something I could do.

Lady Lavinia:
How kind you are. One feels so lost and lonely

Indiana Jones:
You're so beautiful I wouldn't think you'd ever be lonely...

Indiana Jones:
Is that a zeppelin? [bombs start exploding as they hit the streets of London]

Vicky Prentiss:
No, it's a time traveler form the 21st century coming to see if we're alright. Come on, move!

Indiana Jones:
Are you alright?

Vicky Prentiss:
Yes of course. If we give up every time a bomb falls anywere near us, we're never gonna win.

Indiana Jones:
So, do you always give your passengers such an exciting ride?

Vicky Prentiss:
Oh no, they don't all insult lady passengers and end up on the floor of the bus.

Rough Man:
[heckling a suffragette on stage] If you was my wife, you'd be lucky to get a penny.

Indiana Jones:
[stands up] Hey, if you were her husband, she'd need all the luck she could get!

Indiana Jones:
Do you come to many of these meetings?

Vicky Prentiss:
When I can, why? Don't you approve?

Indiana Jones:
I like people who stand up for their rights. I've fought for the peasants in Mexico.

Vicky Prentiss:
Really? What a busy life you've led.

Sylvia Pankhurst:
Mr. Jones, you have struck a better blow for freedom, than if you'd spent a whole year in the trenches.

Indiana Jones:
What language is that?

Vicky Prentiss:
You mean your name is Jones, yet you don't speak Welsh?

Vicky Prentiss:
Thank heaven you thought of calling it a loan.

Indiana Jones:
My mother taught me when we were in China that it is very important for people to save face, even if they are starving.

Indiana Jones:
[about Miss Seymour] She's... It's kind of hard to explain. She's almost family. Since my mother died, she knows me better than anyone else.

Miss Seymour:
My dear young lady...

Vicky Prentiss:
Please don't call me that. I am not a dear young lady, yours or anybody else's. I am a woman. And as an intelligent woman I have a right to vote. If you don't believe that, then you have no business teaching anyone history, literature or even how to boil an egg.

Miss Seymour:
[Vicky walks off] That's a very spirited young woman.

Vicky Prentiss:
What kind of a democracy is it now when half the population are not allowed to vote, simply because they are women?

Winston Churchill:
[after a long pause] I fear you are the using the privilege of charming women everywere and changing the subject.

Miss Seymour:
Henry was a remarkable boy and shows every sign of growing up to be a remarkable man.

Vicky Prentiss:
Don't you see, it wouldn't be fair to either of us to make promises now that we wouldn't be able to keep.

Miss Seymour:
How long will you be in La Havre?

Indiana Jones:
Not long I guess. They keep the training short these days.

Miss Seymour:
And mind you write to me. And to your father.

Indiana Jones:
I will.

Miss Seymour:
And please, Henry, don't take any stupid risks just to show off.

Indiana Jones:
I'll try not to.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
[about Vicky] I never saw her again. I still have the ticket to that bus ride.

[shows it to Bob Traynor]

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
Yeah, She was right. If we had met after the war, we would have been two different people.

Older Vicky:
Come along dears, deeds, not words.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
Vicky?

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
Now gentlemen, gentlemen, calm down, calm down. You're both so busy fighting each other, that you forgot what you were fighting about. That's why you both lost out. [chuckles] This remind me of the time when I was in Italy...

Giulietta:
Your, eh, mission, was it dangerous?

Indiana Jones:
A little. But I don't think of danger.

Giulietta:
No?

Indiana Jones:
All I think of, is... is you.

Ernest Hemingway:
Hey, love is like war, Indy. To the victor go the spoils, huh? Hey you got to try some of this local drappa. [pours them both a drink] It'll knock the enamel off your teeth. To love and war!

Indiana Jones:
To love and war.

Indiana Jones:
[quite tipsy] Spain is great. You're gonna love it. The wine is strong, the women are beautiful, and in Pamplone at fiesta time, they run the bulls right through the street. [they laugh]

Ernest Hemingway:
Yeah, I gotta go there someday.

Indiana Jones:
[trying out all his charm on Giulietta] My darling, in this big crazy world for two people like us, there's so little time...

Ernest Hemingway:
Hm, ah! I got it!

Indiana Jones:
What?

Ernest Hemingway:
You write her a letter. I mean you write the greatest darn love letter that was ever written.

Indiana Jones:
No, I can't write letters like that.

Ernest Hemingway:
Come on, the heck you can!

Indiana Jones:
No, the last letter I wrote was to Arabia. And it was to a guy.

Ernest Hemingway:
[about Giulietta] Who ever she chooses gets her.

Indiana Jones:
Yeah, and the loser butts out.

Ernest Hemingway:
Oh, start booking your ticket, cream puffs!

Indiana Jones:
Yeah, start packing your bags, you big ape!

Ernest Hemingway:
[shouting after Indy] I hope your intestines rot in vinegar, huh! I hope ya dry up and schrivel apart, you hear me? I hope you roast in Hell!

Indiana Jones:
How are your legs?

Ernest Hemingway:
Oh heh... well, apart from 227 holes and a ton of Austrian scrapnell, I'm dandy. At least so the doc says.

Indiana Jones:
Well you got your medal.

Ernest Hemingway:
Yeah.

Indiana Jones:
First American to be wounded in Italy.

Ernest Hemingway:
Yeah, I guess that's something

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
That day, they shipped me out to Rome. Which I guess in the circumstances is just as well. So you see, it doesn't pay to fight over something when you lose sight of what it is you're fighting for. It's like life, gentlemen, don't be in such an all fired hurry that you don't take time to smell the flowers along the way.

Indiana Jones:
[Maya takes off her veil] You are so beautiful.

Maya:
I know.

Schiller:
Eat lead, Schwein!

T.E. Lawrence:
Water. An army in the desert travels on it. Men need it, horses need it. In al things, water is the difference between life and death. And there's not a drop between here and Beersheba. I've looked.

Indiana Jones:
It's good to see you, Ned.

T.E. Lawrence:
You too. Though I'm shocked to find you so grown up. In my mind's eye you're still the little boy that I used to terrify with tales of mummies stalking the night.

Indiana Jones:
They still scare me thanks to you.

T.E. Lawrence:
Then I've done some good in the world.

Indiana Jones:
Stay alive, Ned.

T.E. Lawrence:
You too, Indy.

Maya:
Do you intend to infuriate me this entire trip?

Indiana Jones:
It's not my idea. Standard procedure.

Schiller:
[to Rashid] Tell the Colonel what you told me.

Indiana Jones:
Damn it, keep your mouth shut!

Schiller:
[turns to Indy] It's too late, spy! You're little charade is now truly exposed [slaps Rashid across the face]

Schiller:
There's the truth of it, Colonel. The ploy behind the ploy. You are under attack by a skilfull illusion. A few artillery pieces lobbing shells, men on horses kicking up dust. A trick! [stabs Indy's knife into the colonel's desk with force]

Indiana Jones:
Where have you been?

Rashid:
Don't ask. Next time, you play the dead man!

Schiller:
Have you gone mad?

Colonel Ismel Bey:
An old proverb came to mind: A skillful liar will tell his enemy the truth, then convince him it's a lie.

Schiller:
What are you babbling about...?

[Bey throws him against the wall and "stabs" him with Indy's knife, revealing it's a fake]

Colonel Ismel Bey:
Your little "illusion" has come to Beersheeba, fifty thousand strong... idiot. [shouts] Blow up the wells!

Jack Anders:
We lost Dex coming in. His horse made it first to the trenches. [pause] He would have like that.

Jack Anders:
Well Henry, you kept your promise.

Indiana Jones:
Yes. I guess we'll be in Jerusalem by Christmas.

Jack Anders:
Can't think of a better place I'd rather be at that time.

Indiana Jones:
Come on fellas, let's drink this place dry.

Brockdorff:
That you demand of us that we say, we, and we alone are guilty of having caused this war... such a confession from my mouth would be a lie.

Arnold Toynbee:
Isn't victory beastly?

T.E. Lawrence:
Henry, don't forget me.

Indiana Jones:
I won't.

T.E. Lawrence:
Will you write?

Indiana Jones:
I will.

T.E. Lawrence:
We gave the old men victory and they threw it away, we offered them a new world and they made the old one over again. Still, it might have been worse.

Indiana Jones:
What?

T.E. Lawrence:
I said, might have been worse!

Percy McCallum:
The war to end all wars is over. After four years of hideous slaughter, Germany and her satellites have collapsed. This is Percy McCallum from the British Radio Corporation broadcasting live from the great palace of Versailles. There is jubilation across Europe as the deadly guns of battle fall silent. Defeated German troops struggle home across the shattered countryside to find their once all-powerful Kaiser has abdicated, and fled his homeland. Every one of the enemy monarchs has fallen before the powers of the great democracies...

Gertrude Bell:
You're going to be a diplomat?

Indiana Jones:
Maybe.

T.E. Lawrence:
Oh Henry, beware. The snares and delusions of diplomacy are not to be embraced lightly.

Arnold Toynbee:
The world has changed. Everything's connected. What has happened will happen again. For better or worse. History now moves in a spiral. These men are trying to force Germany down. But it cannot be done without terrible tragedy. Push Germany down and you'll pay a price. And one day it will once more rise to the top. But this lot are behaving like men with no memories. Those that forget the lessons of history are doomed to repeat it.

Arnold Toynbee:
Yes... this idea of a commission?

T.E. Lawrence:
Oh, who cares about a tuppenny ha'penny commission?

Indiana Jones:
The President does.

T.E. Lawrence:
Arnold, Henry, have you heard? The German delegation is arriving

Arnold Toynbee:
Well what in the worlds taken them so long?

T.E. Lawrence:
A classic piece of French diplomacy. They stopped them at the border, then they took them on a long slow train journey through the worst parts of the battlefields. The ruin, destruction they made them look at all of them.

Indiana Jones:
This war had to be fought. Above all it had to be won. The alternative was unthinkable.

T.E. Lawrence:
Hm. Who said that?

Indiana Jones:
You did.

T.E. Lawrence:
I did?

Indiana Jones:
In a letter you once wrote to me.

T.E. Lawrence:
Oh yes, it's a long time ago.

George Clemenceau:
You have asked for peace, we are... disposed to give it to you.

Brockdorff:
Gentlemen, we shall study this... document. And when we have determined our position...

George Clemenceau:
[interrupting] There is nothing to determine. The position is clear.

Brockdorff:
I mean when negotiations begin...

George Clemenceau:
Negotiations? There will be no negotiations. We have give you terms, and you will sign.

Brockdorff:
Are we not even to be allowed to response to these demands?

Arnold Toynbee:
Mr. Jones, the war you've just fought in, which your friends died in, in ten in twenty years we will fight over again.

Brockdorff:
President Wilson, Germany laid down her arms according to the principles of your 14 points. This treaty here breaks every one of those points. May I remind you sir, that the German armies marched home undefeated?

Mata Hari:
War isn't everywhere, there is still beauty in this world.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
Till the end, she thought that one of her Prince Charming's would come to rescue her. I'll always be sorry it couldn't have been me.

Remy:
Who is she? What is she like?

Indiana Jones:
She's incredible.

Remy:
They all are, what else?

Indiana Jones:
Incredible is enough, for the moment.

Genevieve:
Too bad that moment doesn't last.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
In my years I have found that sometimes truth is more fantastic than what you read here. Why, I remember when I was in France during the Great War. I was on leave from the front and as a young man I felt I had to to try to squeeze as much life as I possibly could into those few precious days away from battlefields and death. What I was looking for, was a sweeter, softer kinder of adventure.

Prof. Levi:
[reading a letter from Indy's father] You may inform him that I greatly encourage him to renew his educational pursuits at the university of his choice. He need no longer concern himself about my view in this matter.

Indiana Jones:
I don't have to go to Princeton?

Mrs. Annabelle Levi:
That my dear Henri, is the infamous Mata Hari. She is a scandalous so called 'performer'.

Prof. Levi:
She is an artistic dancer, my love.

Mrs. Annabelle Levi:
Dancer my eye! She prances around taking off her clothes. I hardly call that artistic.

Indiana Jones:
[to Mata Hari] I've seen the palace dancers of Raj and Punjaab and... they don't compare to your extraordinary gift.

Mata Hari:
Your youth is so intoxicating.

Indiana Jones:
You're making fun of me.

Mata Hari:
A smart boy like you should transfer to Africa. I hear that the war is much safer there.

Indiana Jones:
I hear it's much safer right here in your bed.

Mata Hari:
Only for you, I think.

Remy:
Have you fallen in love again?

Indiana Jones:
No, not exactly. I mean it's not like it was with Vicky. I'm not really in love...

Genevieve:
He's in heat! [they all burst out laughing]

Mata Hari:
You're cute when you're angry.

Indiana Jones:
Don't say that, puppy's are cute.

Indiana Jones:
I never understood why people change their names.

Mata Hari:
Is Henri Defence your real name?

Indiana Jones:
Not exactly.

Mata Hari:
When I lived in Java they called me Mata Hari, I means eye of the day and in my mind it suited me more than 'Margarite'.

Policeman #1:
Corporal Defence. That's a strange name. You're American, are you not?

Indiana Jones:
Yes sir, I am.

Policeman #1:
You also go by the name of Henry Jones Jr.

Indiana Jones:
Yes I do.

Policeman #2:
Je suis ques le nomme de 'Indiana Jones'.

Policeman #1:
And also Indiana Jones?

Indiana Jones:
Yes sir.

Policeman #1:
That's a very odd name. Why aren't you using your real name? What are you hiding?

Indiana Jones:
Nothing!

Policeman #1:
It says here that you're a Belgian. Did you lie about that?

Indiana Jones:
I can't believe you kissed that old goat.

Mata Hari:
I will not be judged by a jealous little child!

Mata Hari:
Life is a little bit easier if we don't always look at the hard truth.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
As I crossed the street I knew that I would probably never see her again. Little did I know that in less than a year, she'd be blowing a kiss to the firing squad.

Supermarket Woman:
Was she really a spy?

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
I don't know. No one knew for sure. I don't think she even knew.

Pablo Picasso:
[During a bar brawl] I love this town!

Auction Woman:
Isn't she just perfect?

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
It certainly is. I remember the day it was painted. This little masterpiece means a whole world to me. The truth is, it gave me a whole new understanding of art.

Auction Woman:
Did you say you were there when he painted it?

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
Yes, I was.

Auction Woman:
[sighs] That's really neat.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
See the date?

Auction Woman:
Yeah.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
1908. I was on a world lecture tour with mom and dad. My tutor Helen Seymour was in charge of me in Paris. That's what I let her think, anyway [the woman laughs] Back home Taft was elected president, and Jack Johnson was the first black boxing heavyweight champion. It was the beginning of a new century. The modern age was upon us. Paris was the city of art. And Miss Seymour was determined that I would see all of it.

Edgar Degas:
[to Picasso] You are bringing art not just to an end, but to a dead end.

Pablo Picasso:
[referring to Degas] Once he was the master. Now his mind has grown old, stale and closed. I can paint him into the ground!

Pablo Picasso:
Now for the final stage. [throws away the canvas and puts a fresh one on the easle]

Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
Final stage?

Pablo Picasso:
To get Degas right, you must do it as he does: from memory.

Pablo Picasso:
See, I can do a Degas, but he can't do one of mine.

Police Inspector:
[having claimed to speak perfect English] We will not pour water on top of oil. I promise you, I am an expert kidnapper of small children.

Pablo Picasso:
[addressing two ladies of the street] Come with us!

Prostitute:
Non, non, we are working.

Pablo Picasso:
But you must eat! Come, it will be fun!

Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
When did you decide to become a painter?

Pablo Picasso:
Most men, they have a choice. Become a banker, a lawyer, a tailor, a mechanic. Me, I have no choice. No true artist has choice. I must create in order to feel alive.

Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
But when you paint a wild horse, what does it look like?

Pablo Picasso:
You might not see the horse, but you will certainly see the wildness.

Miss Seymour:
You will not leave this room until you finish 'Les Miserables'.

Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
Great title...

Pablo Picasso:
Don't move! [aims his pistol at Miss Seymour]

Miss Seymour:
You can't frighten me.

Pablo Picasso:
If you don't keep quiet, the drawing will frighten both of us.

Miss Seymour:
[Picasso has drawn a portrait of Miss Seymour] Good Lord.

Pablo Picasso:
It is not a religious drawing.

Miss Seymour:
No, I know, but you really can draw.

Pablo Picasso:
Better than anyone alive.

Miss Seymour:
Don't boast.

Pablo Picasso:
Why not, it's true.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
I'm not sure if Picasso ever knew, but Degas was almost blind at the time. But Degas was a sly old fox, and I think he knew what was going on. So in the end, the joke was on Picasso.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
[to his great-grandson Harry] You want to know something about cranberry sauce? When I was a little boy, I was in China.

Annie Jones:
You were in China when you were a little boy?

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
Sure. I was just a little bit older than you are now.

Annie Jones:
That must have been a long time ago.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
[the family laughs politely] Yes, it was.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
Well, long, long ago, in a far away land known as the Middle Kingdom, my father, your great great grandfather, was going to work in the great city of Peking, with the famous Chinese scholar and translator Yen Fu. My mother and my tutor, Miss Seymour were determined to see the sights of China. They thought I should see them too. I didn't mind that.

Professor Henry Jones, Sr.:
Anna, I'm still not happy about you going off on this joint by yourself. You know you're not fully recovered.

Anna Jones:
Oh nonsense. I was over the fever a week ago. I would have you know that American ladies are renowned for the strength of their constitution.

Li:
[about the Great Wall of China] They say that in some places, a man died for every yard of the wall.

Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
Wow. Must be the longest graveyard in the world.

Miss Seymour, Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
Henry, have you learned the chronology of the dynasties yet?

Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
No... you know, Miss Seymour. I think it's more important to learn the language of a country than it is the history.

Miss Seymour:
You mean you haven't learned them.

Li:
A man does not act without thinking. Everything in nature depends upon balance. Action must be controlled by knowledge.

Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
Mr. Li, what's the Chinese word for mother?

Li:
Ma.

Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
Hey, ma!

Anna Jones:
Oh Henry, you know how much I dislike it when you call me that.

Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
It's Chinese.

Li:
No, not quite. I'm afraid you called your gracious mother a horse.

Miss Seymour:
Make a pot of tea. Tea always helps.

Anna Jones:
Mr. Li, what are they doing?

Li:
They are praying for your son to have a save journey.

Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
Mom, am I gonna die like Suzy?

Anna Jones:
Why Henry, of course not, your sister was very ill. And she was never very strong.

Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
Now she's in heaven with grandpa.

Anna Jones:
Hm-hm.

Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
Am I gonna die and go to heaven?

Anna Jones:
One day. But not yet.

Li:
[translating for Dr. When Ch-iu] Yin and Yang are the two opposites which control the universe and thus the human body.

Li:
[Dr. When Ch-iu continues in Chinese] Yin is moist, weak, feminine, Yang is strong, dry, masculine.

Li:
[Dr. When Ch-iu continues in Chinese] These two must be in harmony for how can their be spring without autumn or summer without winter?

Anna Jones:
I am Mrs. Henry Jones. This is a fine gentleman. And his wife is a great lady. [Mr. Li translates her words]

Anna Jones:
I owe them a debt of many thousands of dollars. And never once have they reminded me of that debt. Huang Feng, do not let me leave your house without allowing me to give you just a small token of what I owe you.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
[narrating] My mother was quite a lady. After she send the landlord packing, she bought chickens for Huang Feng, and we had a grand dinner. I best believe that was the best Thanksgiving feast I ever attended.

Annie Jones:
What's that got to do with cranberry sauce?

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
Not a lot. Here, Harry, why don't you try some. You'll probably find, like me, that you hate it.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
[pointing at a historical picture in a museum] See that kid holding the banner there? When this picture was made, that kid had exactly 30 seconds to live.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
[narrating] I was there at the time, working for French Intelligence. You know what my job was? Making sure Lenin didn't come to power. Because if anybody wanted to stop Lenin, it was the French.

Brossard:
You think so much of yourself, Defense. Why should he send you out in the field instead of me?

Indiana Jones:
Because I'm a natural field agent, Brossard, and you're a natural... desk clerk.

Brossard:
The only way you'd be any use in the field would be if they made you into a scarecrow.

Rosa:
Indy, there's a Mozart recital on at the conservatory this evening. They're playing the concerto number for clarinet number...

Indiana Jones:
A clarinet concerto? Rosa, you know the way right ot my heart!

Rosa:
A revolutionary cake: more ingenuity than raisins.

Rosa:
[to Indy] When I'm with you, I feel alive. And when you're gone it's as if someone has just shut me in a tomb.

Indiana Jones:
Rosa, I like you so much, you're smart and funny and pretty, but love is a weird thing. It's kinda like lightning. You can no more make it strike than you can stop it when it decides to hit you.

Rosa:
And you haven't been struck.

Indiana Jones:
[pleased with himself] Brossard may be totally wrong in most of his analysis, but he is right to mention Lenin. If you wanna know what's going on in this revolution, follow Lenin.

Indiana Jones:
You're a good desk man, Brossard. But I need to get out in the real world.

Brossard:
Is that so, Captain?

Indiana Jones:
You see, I like doing things. Not reading about them.

Laurentine:
Captain Defense, Captain Brossard, report at once to the crisis room above the ambassador's office.

Indiana Jones:
Crisis room? I didn't even know we had a...

Laurentine:
We just opened one. The Bolshevik uprising began an hour ago.

Ambassador:
I'm beginning to like this. It has the smell of disaster about it.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
Four hundred people died that day before they realized the revolution wasn't happening. Lenin fled and the Bolshevik's were smashed. Not for long, thought. That was summer. The summer of hope. By October things were different. But, October was a long way off.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
[pointing at the picture] See that blur there, on the left? I reckon that must be me.

Shifty man:
Well?

Indiana Jones:
I hear the price of cabbage is high this year.

Shifty man:
Not as high as the price of beats. Beats, they're outrageous.

Indiana Jones:
On the other hand, carrots are a dime a dozen. I'd stock up on them if I were you.

Indiana Jones:
I've been lighting matches out here for two hours. Haven't you seen me?

Shifty man:
Of course not. I'm blind, you idiot.

Very Big Man - Ministery of Telephones:
If the removal department had removed your phone, sir, there'd be a form accordingly and as you can see [holds up an empty tray] there isn't one. [taps the tray] So we can't have removed it. Naturally therefore, we can't replace it.

Indiana Jones:
Perhaps someone removed it, but didn't fill out the form?

Very Big Man - Ministery of Telephones:
In other words, a theft.

Indiana Jones:
This is absolutely ridiculous. All I want is a new phone. I went to the ministry of phones and my form blew out the window. and then I went out onto the ledge and pidgeon knocked it into the street. and a man stepped on it. And then I had to chase after a tram and a woman hit me with her handbag and so I went to the police. They made me fill it out in German. And then they gave me the third degree and then they put me in jail.

Franz Kafka:
What you're saying is, you're upset.

Indiana Jones:
No, I'm not upset, I'm incandescent with rage!

Indiana Jones:
Mr. Kafka, I'll never forget this.

Franz Kafka:
Oh, you can even make bureaucracy interesting, if you have a little imagination.

The Prague Spy:
All I can say is: if that telephone is not installed in the apartment first thing in the morning, I will have you shot as a traitor.

Indiana Jones:
It will be.

Indiana Jones:
I guess you'll connect it up now, right?

2nd Installer:
Connect it up? To the wires you mean?

Indiana Jones:
Well yeah, the wires.

1st Installer:
Eh, we're telephone installers, eh, Mr. Shubelgruber.

2nd Installer:
We wouldn't dream of connecting them.

1st Installer:
No, that's eh...

2nd Installer:
Connections.

1st Installer:
Connections, that's right.

2nd Installer:
Naturally.

1st Installer:
Of course.

2nd Installer:
That's an entirely different department.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
Why do you need such big wheels?

Truck driver:
Truth be told, ever since I was a teenager, I wanted to drive the hottest car in town. That was my teenage dream. Wasn't it yours?

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
You're right, it was. [chuckles] Yeah, 1916 was the year. [dissolve into flashback] I was living with my father in Princeton. It was spring and I was going to take Nancy Stratemeyer to the junior prom in her father's Bugatti. [another chuckle] In those days regular high school kids simply didn't have cars, they only dreamt about them.

Indiana Jones:
Good afternoon, Mr. Stratemeyer. How's the new Tom Swift?

Edward Stratemeyer:
Troublesome. I've got Tom stuck in an Incan tomb surrounded by Rocketrangers and his stungun doesn't work. The villain is flooding the tomb with water and I don't know how to get Tom out.

Butch:
Hey, Soda-jerk, you're gonna drive that pile of junk to the prom? [referring to Mr. Stratemeyer's Bugatti]

Indiana Jones:
When we get this baby souped up it's gonna blow the doors off that tin lizzy.

Edward Stratemeyer:
I must say I am surprised this doesn't happen more often to Mr. Edison. Wherever there is true genius, there waits the unscrupulous opportunist. Waiting to reap the fruits of hardened labor.

Indiana Jones:
[shouting] Are you crazy? We're not supposed to be here!

Nancy Stratemeyer:
[whispering] I know that, so be quiet.

Indiana Jones:
[still shouting] We could be shot!

Nancy Stratemeyer:
You're such a ninny.

Indiana Jones:
I think you'd better give us those plans back, sir.

Professor Thompson:
You meddling little brats.

Frank Brady:
Good work, kids. You two ought to hitch up and do detective work like professionals.

Indiana Jones:
[having made a grand entrance at the junior prom] I love you, Nancy Stratemeyer. [they kiss]

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
[narrating] Edison never did perfect that battery. I fulfilled my teenage dream. That day I had the hottest car in town!

Truck driver:
Well, that's just about the tallest car tale I ever heard. [laughs]

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
And that's just about the tallest car I've ever seen!

Truck driver:
Wanna go for a spin?

Indiana Jones:
Were still too far away, We'll never make it!

Lieutenant Moreau:
Don't tell me what we can't do, tell me what we can!

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
[grabbing a rude donut salesman by the neck with his eaglehead cane] If you'll apologize to the nice lady right now, I'll reconsider turning your head into a sausage piza!

Tom at Donut Shop:
Hey hey, mister, don't hurt me, please don't hurt me. I've had it tougher than any of my friends, ok, this is hard work. It's tougher than you know...

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
Listen, bonzo-brain, you don't know what tough is! When I was your age, I was fighting in the Great War. In the most horrendous hell-pitt ever deviled by man or the devil!

Jacques:
It is good to kill with this. Like carving butter.

Major Bilideau:
I'm not wasting a French Lieutenant on a bunch of Belgians.

Jacques:
Watch out for stray bullets, Corporal.

Remy:
First I get clean, then I get drunk. Call me when the shooting starts!

British Sergeant:
You fight like girls. And you bet like them too. [the Belgians holler] I should kick your greasy Belgian ass for saying that, but, seeing we're allies, how bout the losers buy the beer all night? [the British cheer]

Indiana Jones:
If you're so cynical about the war, why do you keep on fighting?

Sassoon:
Because it's my duty.

Major Bilideau:
Your valor is beyond question. You must look into yourself to be the best soldier you can be. The second rate soldier lives with mediocrity and dies with regret, but the first rate soldier, he lives with honor. And when death comes, he dies with honor.

Indiana Jones:
You didn't kill Captain Cote, did you?

Jacques:
No, but that doesn't mean we are friends.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
I thought the world had ended. Great men died that day. And I saw myself spending the greater part of my youth in some rat invested gap, so don't talk to me about tough!

Policeman #1:
What's going on here?

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
I'm was only trying to tell the lad a story.

Tom at Donut Shop:
He assaulted me, man! Take him in!

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
I did not!

Policeman #1:
I'm afraid that's what it looks like.

Kid #1:
[debating wether to trick or treat at Professor Jones' house] Last year he gave us apples.

Kid #2:
I like apples!

Kid #1:
They were rotten.

Kid #2:
Well, come on, let's just try.

Kid #3:
Ok, but if he starts to tell one of his stories, make a break for it.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
You don't believe in ghosts?

Kid #1, Kid #2, Kid #3:
[shaking their heads] No.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
Well neither did I, until one day before the end of the Great War...

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
[narrating] Now I had been in the spy business for several years now, but nothing I had done previously prepared me for the disquieting challenge I was about to face.

Colonel Waters:
There is little honor amongst spies.

Indiana Jones:
Then it will be my pleasure.

Colonel Waters:
There is even less of that.

Colonel Waters:
One more thing. If General Targo is responsible for this, and he doesn't willingly submit to our... investigation, then what should we do?

Stanfill:
Then put an end to his career, Colonel.

Colonel Waters:
[password] Have you seen Mozart?

Contact # 2:
[counter password] Not in this century.

Colonel Waters:
British, French and American soldiers laughing it up with Germans and Austrians? For Christ sake, don't they know there's a war on?

Indiana Jones:
Or maybe the war ended and they forgot to tell us.

Dr. Franz Heinzer:
Impalement! It hasn't been used since...

Nicholas Hunyadi:
Vlad.

Colonel Waters:
Vlad?

Maria:
Vlad Tepes.

Nicholas Hunyadi:
Prince of Transylvania.

Maria:
[possessed by Vlad Tepes] You carry death in your pocket.

Dr. Franz Heinzer:
The electrical impulses in the body's central nervous system can literally overheat and the flesh ignites from within.

Indiana Jones:
You're kidding, right?

Dr. Franz Heinzer:
I am merely stating the scientific possibilities.

General Targo:
Good evening, Captain Jones.

Indiana Jones:
How do you know my name?

General Targo:
This is my home. I know all that goes on under it's roof.

General Targo:
[Indy is aiming his pistol at the General's forehead] So theatrical, so melodramatic, so... American.

General Targo:
It has been so long... But now the land will be safe. We will crush the intruders out and wash the earth with their blood. Their deaths will cleanse us. Their screams from the stake will lull us to sleep. For it is such a purity death has, such a perfect beauty.

Indiana Jones:
[spits out Targo's sleeping potion] I don't like to drink on an empty stomach!

General Targo:
That was... impolite.

Maria:
I also don't like to drink on an empty stomach.

Maria:
We have to kill him.

Indiana Jones:
What are you talking about, he's already dead. We have to get out of here.

Maria:
No, he will live. You must know that now.

Indiana Jones:
No one could survive that fall.

Maria:
No man could.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
Now do you believe in ghosts?

Kid #1, Kid #2, Kid #3:
No.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
[suddenly sporting fake vampire teeth and blood on his chin] I want your blood!

Businessman on Plane:
Insurance.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
What, what?

Businessman on Plane:
Seatbelts required by our insurance.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
You work for the airline?

Businessman on Plane:
No. The airline works for me.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
What is it they call you, the pirate of Wall Street?

Businessman on Plane:
I prefer 'acquisition specialist'.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
I've flown this airline for fifty years.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
You remind me of someone I met in the first world war. I enlisted in the Belgian army under an alias. They made me a courier and before I knew it, I was with the high command of the French second army. At Verdun, one of the worst battles of the war.

Henri Philippe Petain:
You are cheerful today.

Robert Nivelle:
We are at war. War raises a soldier's spirits.

Joffre:
At ease gentlemen, I've not much time. I'm expected at the ballet. Politicians, you understand.

Joffre:
Belgians? They are an inferior lot. Can you depend on them?

Indiana Jones:
So, we're fighting to protect Serbia, a tiny country no one's ever heard of. That's what this wars all about?

Indiana Jones:
[narrating] Dear Ned. Interested to hear of your struggles against the Turks and Germans in the Middle-East. I'm in a place called Verdun. This trench warfare is hell. The men either run straight into machine gun fire, or wait for the next artillery barrage to drop on them. They're like animals being led to slaughter. And I can't understand. I can't understand why.

French Sergeant:
You're Belgian, huh? It's alright, I won't hold it against you. [pats his shoulder]

French Sergeant:
Do you know anything about guns? Every healthy young man loves guns.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
Well, the orders never got there and nobody ever found out what I did. The attack was delayed and ten thousand men lived a day longer. The French finally retook Fort Beaumond. There were twenty thousand casualties. As for General Petain, he hated politicians because he thought they had no concern for human life. But after the war, Petain became a politician himself and had a hard time indeed living up to his own moral code. Neville resigned and died a bitter old man. His problem was that he couldn't understand the consequences of his actions on the little guy. So, don't end up like him, bub. [notices the Wall Street man has fallen asleep]

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
Indiana Jones in an old peoples home! It's inconceivable!

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
My children think I'm crazy, I know I'm not. So I'd appreciate your giving me a test to prove the fact.

Carol:
Is there, eh, any history of mental illness in your family?

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
[suppressing a laugh] Well, that's a matter of opinion.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
It was 1908. I was nine years old, and the world was just as insane then as it is now. And 1908 was the year of the first psycho-analytical conference, which my father decided to attend. Problems often start in places of great beauty...

Princess Sophie:
My English is nicht good.

Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
Probably better than my German.

Princess Sophie:
Yes, it is.

Miss Seymour:
Is it always this cold in Vienna?

Emilie:
Eh, at Christmas it was colder.

Professor Henry Jones, Sr.:
[to Indy] You have brought shame on us all. And your country.

Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
Who wrote this?

Miss Seymour:
Sir Thomas Wyatt, 1503 to 1542.

Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
All that time ago and that man felt just like me?

Miss Seymour:
He was in love. Literature has tried to come to terms with these emotions for many centuries, Henry.

Miss Seymour:
We all fall in love Henry. Some of us too soon, and some of us too late.

Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
Mother?

Anna Jones:
Yes?

Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
Did father ever give you a gift when you were courting?

Anna Jones:
Why yes, em, a locket. I still wear it.

Sigmund Freud:
I suppose that romantic love was invented as a brilliant means of seduction.

Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
Love was invented?

Sigmund Freud:
Yes. And that was the beginning of the end, young man.

Sigmund Freud:
All love is derived from the need for sexual gratification. Even this boy's love of his mother.

Kurt:
It was foolish of you to come here uninvited. The guards are trained marksmen able to kill great distance. The dogs are trained to kill as well.

Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
I wasn't scared.

Kurt:
You should have been.

Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
Sir, I believe your daughter to be in danger.

Franz Ferdinand:
Why?

Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
Because it is dangerous to deny our feelings of love.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
I guess she never got any of my letters, I certainly never got any from her. But then, the world turned out to be a much crueler place than either of us could have imagined at that time. I suppose I was always getting stuck up some tree trying to rescue cats. But that doesn't mean I'm crazy, does it?

Carol:
Tell me something, Mr. Jones, did you ever see her again?

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
'Course I did, but that's another story. [leaves the office]

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones Jr.:
Now I was born across the river, in New Jersey. That's right. July the first, 1899. I guess that sounds a hell of a long time ago to you, huh? But let me tell you something. To me, it deceives only the twinkling of an eye.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones Jr.:
[narrating] It took 9 days to sail across the mediterranean sea. I guess my mother and father had quite a good time on the voyage. I didn't get to see too much of it, though. Miss Seymour didn't let up on me for one bit of a minute. I'll say this for that woman: whe was one tough old bird.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones Jr.:
[narrating] From time to time I was able to explore things on my own, but... for the most part the 'Godess of Knowledge' kept my nose stuck in a book.

Miss Seymour:
I'm sorry, it's impossible. He's far too young. Your son needs a governess. I'm not a governess, I am a teacher.

Professor Henry Jones, Sr.:
You're the best there is. That's why he needs you.

Miss Seymour:
[to Indy] Now, why don't we have a real adventure, hm?

T.E Lawrence:
What happened?

Miss Seymour:
We had a slight autocation with our guide.

Henry 'Indiana' Jones Jr.:
Yeah, he ran off with the camels.

T.E Lawrence:
Yes, they do that sometimes.

Henry 'Indiana' Jones Jr.:
I'd like to be an archaeologist.

T.E Lawrence:
Maybe you'll add a new page to history. Or discover a treasure beyond price.

Henry 'Indiana' Jones Jr.:
And get rich!

T.E Lawrence:
No, Henry. the archaeologists don't get rich. Archaeology doesn't steal from the past, it opens it. So that everyone may learn from it's treasures.

Professor Henry Jones, Sr.:
[handing his son a book] Use it as a journal, or diary. Write down anything that interests or strikes you.

Henry 'Indiana' Jones Jr.:
Thank you, father!

T.E Lawrence:
Henry, where ever you go, in what ever countries you visit, learn the language. It's the key that unlocks everything, the most important thing of all.

Henry 'Indiana' Jones Jr.:
[seeing Ned's gun for the first time] Holy smokes!

T.E Lawrence:
Play up, and play the game, eh?

T.E Lawrence:
Wonderful meeting you Henry, you really are a splendid chap

Henry 'Indiana' Jones Jr.:
Don't go Ned.

T.E Lawrence:
I'll write to you. Promise. [leaves on bicycle]

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones Jr.:
[narrating] He rode like the wind. The hand of God was upon him. Don't forget me, he cried, as if I ever would. The man was a hero, even then.

First Kid:
Then what happened?

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones Jr.:
Huh?

First Kid:
Did he catch the killer?

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones Jr.:
When he got to the pier, the steam ship had gone by five minutes. And Demetrios with it.

First Kid:
So the bad guys got way?

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones Jr.:
Uh, not exactly.

First Kid:
Aw come on, mister, we gotta know what happened.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones Jr.:
Oh, would ya? [chuckles]

Second Kid:
Hey man, we've gotta. Come on, mister, please.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones Jr.:
Well, alright, but I've got to get home, soon. Got to feed my cat, Henry. Very demanding creature, Henry. Makes my life hell sometimes.

Indiana Jones:
If I don't get home, my father's gonna kill me.

Remy:
What's happening in Europe? Is the war over?

Indiana Jones:
Germany's still holding most of Belgium.

Remy:
Bastards!

Remy:
[to Indy] The minute I saw you, I knew you were a lucky kid.

Indiana Jones:
What I can't figure is, how you got here. I mean what's a Belgian doing riding with General Villa?

Remy:
I was a sailor. But I hated the sea. One day we tied up at Villa Cruz, I jumped ship. Then I met Lupe. She was very beautiful. I adored her. We had a little cantina. We were very happy. But the federalists came. They destroyed our cantina. And then they killed my Lupe. But, I joined the revolution.

Indiana Jones:
For revenge?

Remy:
For that, and for other reasons.

Indiana Jones:
[looking at a picture of T.E. 'Ned' Lawrence] I found him, Ned. I found the man who killed Rasheed. I found him at last.

George Patton:
God bless the United States of America and death to all our enemies. [pause] Including that low down greaser Pancho Villa.

Remy:
There is only one rule, Indiana: stay alive.

Remy:
What is it, Indiana? Are you sick?

Indiana Jones:
Not sick exactly, I just don't think this is my revolution.

Remy:
This is not my war. If I have to die, I'll die in my own country. Defending my own home.

Indiana Jones:
I guess I'm just seeing things clearly for the first time. This isn't my war either. Maybe the one in Europe is. That a war that has to be fought. Above all it has to be won. The alternative is... it's unthinkable.

Indiana Jones:
[confronting Demetrios] Remember me? I'm a friend of Rasheed. The man you killed in Egypt.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones Jr.:
[narrating] I nearly missed meeting up with Remy. But I made it, and we slipped away. Two weeks later, we took a bout out of Vera Cruz. I was on my way to enlist in the Great War. The war to save civilization. The war to end all wars.

First Kid:
Mr. Jones? What happened to the Jackal?

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones Jr.:
Jackal? [points his cane at the artifact displayed behind at the musuem]

Sidney Bichet:
It's like in-between sounds: the shadin', the wantin'. It's the why's the world have to be this way sounds; the dissolusionment. The difference between jazz and the blues is a state of mind.

Ernest Hemingway:
[referring to Elliot Ness] Where'd you get this cracker?

Indiana Jones:
He came with the room.

Grey Cloud:
Good driving.

Indiana Jones - age 50:
This is not my first time, you know.

GreyCloud:
[looking at the Indian pipe] This is probably the most sacred relic in my people's past.

Indiana Jones - age 50:
[having found a soprano sax] Well here's a sacred relic of my past.

Indiana Jones - age 50:
Reminds me of working my way through the University of Chicago.

Grey Cloud:
You playing that?

Indiana Jones - age 50:
No... no, I was a waiter. [narrating as the scene shifts to Chicago, 1920] But that's an art in it self. You know, you don't start at the top. You work your way up. Perfect your style. Till you are at the top, like Colosimo's Restaurant. The best food, the best service and the best jazz in Chicago. I was crazy about jazz.

Indiana Jones:
[to Sidney Bichet] You know, I heard King Oliver play in New Orleans when I was twelve. You ever get to play with him? [Sidney looks straight at Indy but does not answer]

Indiana Jones:
You're such a square.

Eliot Ness:
Why, because I need a good night's sleep?

Indiana Jones:
You're the world's youngest stuffy old fart.

Eliot Ness:
I am not.

Indiana Jones:
I'm telling you as a pal, you're a seventy year old kid. You need to loosen up. Now get your coat.

Indiana Jones:
[Eliot has been knocked down] Eliot, get up!

Eliot Ness:
I lost my beanie!

Sidney Bichet:
[to Indy] Buddy, you don't know how to stay out of trouble.

Indiana Jones:
[about Sidney] How'd he get so good?

Goldie:
It's kinda like they say: the more a man has to say, the more complicated his music gets. Sidney ain't easy. He's creo. He's too colored for the whites and not colored enough for the negros. So he don't belong either place. I think he's trying to find a place in the music.

Eliot Ness:
[Indy is practicing his soprano sax] How bout you trying to play a tune?

Indiana Jones:
Eliott, this is jazz, there are no rules, it just flows.

Eliot Ness:
Well, just flow somewhere else

Harvey:
This is a respectable party, bub. There, there's girls here. We don't like brothel music.

Indiana Jones:
Sorry I wasted your time.

Piano Man:
It wasn't a waste of time, kid. A good laugh is never a waste of time.

Indiana Jones:
[about having to kill during the war] One's enough too remember. It's that split second when you're alive and because of you someone else is dead. You got lucky. They didn't. So many didn't.

Indiana Jones:
I thought the blues was jazz?

Sidney Bichet:
The blues is the blues. It's got it's own sound.

Piano Man:
I call it the wannabe sound.

Trumpet player:
I call it nobody appreciates how good I am sound.

Ernest Hemingway:
Hey, you look like a waiter.

Indiana Jones:
I am a waiter. What are you doing here?

Ernest Hemingway:
Oh, just trying to get a story, you know, put a patato on my plate. I'm at the Chicago Trib now.

Big Al Brown:
Irish' don't got no respect for life.

Ernest Hemingway:
What about you, Sherlock?

Eliot Ness:
I got a friend in my chemistry class, he works part time at the morgue. I'm sure he can help us.

Ernest Hemingway:
Hm, you two much have a lotta laughs...

Eliot Ness:
[during car chase] We're gonna run out of gas...

Ernest Hemingway:
What?

Eliot Ness:
I didn't fill her up, I was in too much of a hurry.

Mr O'Bannion:
Roses or Tulips?

Indiana Jones:
Sir?

Mr O'Bannion:
It's for a funeral. Which would you prefer, Mr Hemingway?

Ernest Hemingway:
[deviant laugh] Well I'm a sucker for daisies.

Thug:
The pipe, please, gentlemen. Than you can go back to your little weenie roast.

Thug:
[having been disarmed by Indiana] My pistol is empty, Dr. Jones. I don't like loaded weapons [takes the gun from Indiana's hand and slaps him hard across the face with it]

Indiana Jones:
Look at that sunset.

Remy:
It's beautiful. It's magnificent. It's... in the wrong place!

Donald Parks:
You don't appear to know much about trains.

Indiana Jones:
Well, actually, I know a lot about trains. I spend my summers working shoveling coal on trains but that really doesn't teach you much about time tables here in the middle of Africa.

Donald Parks:
I don't suppose you speak German?

Indiana Jones:
Ich spreche viele sprache.

Indiana Jones:
Six days?

Big Mac:
Son, the good Lord made the world in six days, what's blowing up a cannon compared to that?

Frederick Selous:
You spend your life gaining wisdom and experience, and then nobody wants it.

Indiana Jones:
I can't believe we're risking our lives for toilet paper.

Donald Parks:
Leave no outhouse unplundered.

Indiana Jones:
[expecting an explosion] What happened?

Birdy:
Nothing.

Indiana Jones:
[shouting] I know nothing happened!

Indiana Jones:
[putting on a shoveler's uniform] Ok, what do I do when I get there?

Frederick Selous:
Do you always have to have a plan?

Indiana Jones:
It helps!

Big Mac:
Let's uncouple this thing and get the hell out of Dodge!

Frederick Selous:
What are you doing?

Indiana Jones:
We're going back, aren't we? We can't let them have that gun.

Frederick Selous:
[Donald gives a thumbs up] Yes, of course. You wait for my orders next time.

Indiana Jones:
What, are you crazy? That's got to be five hundred yards. Nobody could make that shot.

Donald Parks:
Not true. I'd say there are at least... three people in the world who could.

Frederick Selous:
[taking aim] I used to be the best shot in Africa once... according to you.

Remy:
[disguised as a woman] So, you're a hero, me, I'm wearing this stupid dress.

Birdy:
You count yourself lucky, Frenchie.

Remy:
I'm not a Frenchie, I'm a Belgie!

Remy:
Mon Dieu it's a lady!

Margaret Trappe:
[glancing at Remy's disguise] That's more than I can say for you, fatso!

Frederick Selous:
Does your mother know you've become a courier for the Germans?

Margaret Trappe:
It was her idea!

Remy:
Look what you've got me into!

Indiana Jones:
Oh great, so now suddenly it's all my fault?

Remy:
It's not suddenly your fault, it's always been your fault!

Remy:
[finally catching on to Selous' plan] It's a kidnapping!

Indiana Jones:
You had this planned all along.

Frederick Selous:
Of course.

Indiana Jones:
But why drag us into it?

Frederick Selous:
I needed you. You're my good luck.

Frederick Selous:
[escaping in a stolen automobile] Watch out for those motorcycles.

Donald Parks:
They'd better watch out for me.

Remy:
[to Indy] Have I mentioned lately I'm sorry I ever met you?

Remy:
[their balloon is losing height] We are too heavy! We must loose some weight!

Gen. Jan Christian Smuts:
I suggest diet and exercise.

Gen. Jan Christian Smuts:
I suggest you patch those holes.

Indiana Jones:
We did kidnap my father. It's a nightmare!

Gen. Jan Christian Smuts:
[roasting a large termite] The secret is toasting it lightly. If it gets too close to the flame, the outside goes black and the center runs out.

Remy:
I hate when that happens.

Indiana Jones:
So why do the British want you so badly?

Colonel Paul von Lettow-Vorbeck:
I'm a military genius.

Indiana Jones:
[suppressing laughter] There's no sense of being modest.

Colonel Paul von Lettow-Vorbeck:
No.

Indiana Jones:
Nice shot.

Margaret Trappe:
I was aiming at your head.

Indiana Jones:
Well then I take it back.

Margaret Trappe:
[to Indy] I don't know what's worse - your cooking or your lying.

[Indy's attempts to feed his prisoner are rebuffed]

Margaret Trappe:
I think one bite was quite enough - as was your company. I'd like my gag back, please.

George Gershwin:
[Indiana Jones] Why can't I stop thinking about her? [Gershwin Stands up from and gestures toward piano] Tell him maestro. [Berlin approaches] It's very simple Boychick. [Removes hanky, dusts piano, tosses soiled rag to song pluggers, sits and sings] A pretty girl/is like a melody/that haunts you night and day/She will leave you/and then/come back again/A pretty girl/is just/like a pretty tune.

New York Cabbie:
Men are scum.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
All of them?

New York Cabbie:
All of 'em!

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
Perhaps you're looking for perfection.

New York Cabbie:
Perfection? Mister, I gave up on that a long time ago.

Cabbie:
[interrupting Indy and Peggy kiss] Hey bub, you want this cab? Or are you just eating lunch?

Indiana Jones:
Who are all these people?

Kate:
Writers, actors, painters, composers, anarchists, socialists. The usual village crowd. Do you know any of them?

Indiana Jones:
Me? No, no, I just snuck in for some free food. Who's party is this, anyway?

Kate:
Mine.

Mack:
As far as I'm concerned, you're an idiot. [louder] What are you?

Indiana Jones:
I'm an idiot.

Mack:
Correct. Now open your idiot ears and follow me. [they walk through a door and go backstage] You're job is to do all the idiot jobs that only an idiot wants to do. Like make the coffee, run the errants, scrape the stage.

George White:
Schwarz, you're fired.

Schwarz:
Yes Mr. White, thank you. Now about these bills...

George White:
Later, I have a show to put on.

Indiana Jones:
[about Gloria] She looks... eatable.

George Gershwin:
She should. Her old man owns the biggest meat packing plant in New Jersey.

Schwarz:
Mr. White, about these bills...

George White:
Schwarz, you're fired.

Schwarz:
Can I have that in writing?

Mack:
Excuse me, Mr. Jones, I just hate to disturb you, but your lunch date's arrived...

Indiana Jones:
But it's not even noon.

Mack:
[shouting] And her damn limo is blocking half the damn street!

Franklin Adams:
Oh Mr. Jones, Tell me, have you forgiven your parents yet?

Indiana Jones:
What for?

Franklin Adams:
For naming you after the dullest state in the union.

Indiana Jones:
Actually, I named myself, after my dog.

Dottie:
Welcome to the round table, Indiana Jones.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
Ah, the theater. Thank goodness I'm not late, eh?

New York Cabbie:
Aw, mister, come on, please, don't give me a hard time, just tell me what happened.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
How much is on the meter?

New York Cabbie:
37 dollars.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
I can't afford to tell you. [exits the cab]

New York Cabbie:
Men. [shouting] You're all the same!

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
I see you're writing your review already.

Theatre Critic:
You recognize me?

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
No, but I know a damn critic when I see one. [grabs the critic's notepad]

Theatre Critic:
Hey!

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
Now you listen to me, my friend, cause I know whereof I speak. Now. I was once involved in putting on a show. George White's Scandals. The year was 1920. When Broadway was really Broadway and shows were really shows.

Ann Penington:
It's not her fault. That song's a turkey

George Gershwin:
It's not a... [imitating her voice] turkey. It's the best song I ever wrote!

Gloria:
Oh, poo. That silly show's more trouble than it's worth.

George Gershwin:
Can't you at least give one of them up?

Indiana Jones:
But which one? Not Peggy... not Kate...

George Gershwin:
And not Gloria, her old man's backing the show!

Dottie:
All's fair in love and showbusiness, Indiana.

Beatrice Kaufman:
Haven't you ever noticed that Broadway is paved with blood?

Alexander Woollcott:
This is supposed to be a finale?

Ernest Hemingway:
Listen fatso, if you don't shut up...

Alexander Woollcott:
Sorry...

Ernest Hemingway:
Thank you.

Peggy:
You're despicable.

Kate:
You're out.

Gloria:
You're fired.

Peggy:
You're the lowest.

Kate:
You're trash.

Gloria:
You're on your own.

Theatre Critic:
You know something? I'm going to give this show a wonderful review.

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
A wonderful review? This crap? What are you, insane?

Theatre Critic:
But, but what about all the young people?

Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.:
They should be ashamed of themselves. They should quit!

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