Thomas the Tank Engine & Friends

[repeated line]

Thomas:
Well, bust my buffers!

Troublesome Trucks:
[chasing Duck down Gordon's Hill] Chase 'im! Bump 'im! Throw 'im off the rails!

Percy:
[shivering as Thomas complains about the cold] Let's talk about something else.

Thomas:
Yes. Like how silly we'll look when our funnels turn into icicles.

Narrator:
Duck still wonders about the lands beyond the horizon, but I think he knows that sometimes the best travels are those you can only dream about. Don't you?

Thomas:
Time's time. Why should I keep my passengers waiting, while Henry and James dwadle about all day on viaducts?

Henry:
Don't blame me. If we hurried across the viaduct, it might collapse, and then you'd have no passengers at all. What would you do then?

Thomas:
Run my trains on time, for one thing!

Bertie:
Late again? We may be friends, but I thought you could go fast, Thomas. It's time we had another race. I reckon I could beat you now.

Donald:
It's tae leave ye behind, I'd be wanting!

Break Van:
You can't; I'm essential!

Donald:
Och! Are you? You're nothing but a screechin' and a noise when all said and done! Spite Dougie, would ye? Take that!

[Bumps Van]

Break Van:
Oh - oh, oh!

Narrator:
The van behaved better after that.

James:
Anyone would think that Donald had his accident on purpose. I heard tell about an engine and some tar-wagons.

James:
Shut up! It's not funny!

Douglas:
Well, Well, Well! Surely, it wasnae you, James? Ye didnae say!

[Bulgy the double decker bus is Wedged underneath the bridge Duck has to cross]

Bulgy:
Stop, it might fall on me!

Duck:
That would serve you right for telling lies.

Oliver:
He's a mean scarlet deciever!

Boco:
[laughing] I remember the first time I met those two. They nearly made my eyes pop out. Edward soon put a stop to their games.

Duck:
[chuckling] Edward is the only one who can keep Bill and Ben in order. I sometimes call them "The Bees."

Boco:
A good name. They're terrors when they start buzzing around.

James:
[comes over] What's that, Duck? Are you afraid of bees? They're only insects after all, so don't let that buzzbox diesel tell you different.

Duck:
His name is Boco, and he didn't; we...

James:
I wouldn't care if hundreds were swarming around. I'd just blow smoke and make them buzz off.

Duck:
Buzz, buzz, buzz.

[Duck is carrying freight cars onto a siding to let Gordon by with the Express, but George the Steamroller blocks his way with Duck's last truck in the way of the Express]

Duck:
Let me through!

George:
I'm too busy. You'll just have to wait!

Duck:
There's no time to wait. I must clear my trucks from the main line to let Gordon through!

George:
Pah! Then he'll have to wait too!

George:
I want to get rolling again, but I've got to wait a whole week till I do.

Thomas:
And then you'll be just as rude as ever, eh, George?

[Daisy is refusing to carry a milk van and blows a fuse. Now she is concocting a story why she won't pull the milk van]

Daisy:
It's fitter's orders.

Driver:
What is?

Daisy:
My fitter's a very nice man. He comes every week and examines me carefully. "Daisy," he says, "Never never pull. You're highly sprung and pulling is bad for your swerves." So that's how it is!

Station Master:
Stuff and nonsense!

Shunter:
I can't understand. Whatever made the Fat Controller send such a feeble...

Daisy:
Feeble? FEEBLE? LET ME?

Fat Controller:
[Duck and Percy are refusing to leave the shed because of Diesel] [on the phone] So there's trouble in the harbour yard? I'll be there right away. [arrives there to find Duck and Percy sulking, with massive confusion and delay with everyone complaining] What's all this?

Percy:
Uh, we're on strike, sir.

Duck:
Yes. Beg pardon, sir, but we won't work with Diesel, sir. [quietly, hurt] You said you'd sent him packing, sir.

Fat Controller:
I have to give Diesel a second chance. I am trying to help you by bringing Diesel here. Now *you* must help *me*; he was the only engine available! [Duck and Percy break the strike]

Diesel:
[in the sliest voice imaginable] Good morning.

Duck:
[shocked that Diesel has returned] What are *you* doing here?

Diesel:
Your worthy fat... uh, Sir Topham Hatt sent me. I hope you are pleased to see me; I am to shunt some *dreadfully* tiresome trucks.

Percy:
[suspicious] Shunt where?

Diesel:
Where? Why, from here to there, and then from there to here. Easy isn't it? [bumps some trucks and sends them screaming] Gurrrrr!

Fat Controller:
[Diesel has shunted some trucks full of china clay into the sea and the clay couldn't be retrieved] [extremely angry] Things worked much better here before you arrived. I shall *not* be inviting you back!

Gordon:
Disgraceful!

James:
Disgusting!

Henry:
Despicable!

Gordon, James, and Henry:
[Gordon, James, and Henry are blocking the entrance to the shed] Keep out!

Duck:
Stop fooling! I'm tired.

Gordon, James, and Henry:
So are we. We're tired of you. We like Diesel. We don't like you. You tell tales about us to the trucks.

Duck:
I don't!

Gordon, James, and Henry:
You do!

Duck:
I don't!

Gordon, James, and Henry:
You do!

Gordon:
Duck called me a galloping sausage!

James:
"Rusty red scrap-iron"!

Henry:
I'm Old Square-Wheels!

The Fat Controller:
Well, Duck?

Duck:
I only wish, sir, that I'd thought of those names myself. If the dome fits...

Gordon, James, and Henry:
[Sir Topham Hatt coughs] He made cars laugh at us!

Narrator:
The Fat Controller recovered - he'd been trying not to laugh himself.

Duck:
You don't understand, Donald, how much the Fat Controller relies on me.

Donald:
[tiredly] Och, aye.

Duck:
I'm Great Western, and I...

Donald:
Quack, quack, quack!

Duck:
What?

Donald:
Ye heard. "Quack, quack", ye go.Sounds like you're an egg laid. Now whisht, and let an engine sleep!

Thomas:
Can you smell a smell?

Annie:
I can't smell a smell.

Duncan:
Haunted bridge? Rubbish! It's as tame as a pet rabbit.

Fat Controller:
[angrily to Peter Sam, who lost his trucks on a hill] You will shunt trucks in the yards til I can trust you again!

Duncan:
[delighted] Fancy no' securing your trucks on a hill! They'll come back to spook you and your special funnel. [makes ghostly noises]

Rusty:
And who's to say that *you're* not afraid of ghosts?

Duncan:
Pah! Ghosts! Things that go bump in the night are rubbish!

Rusty:
Well, I'll tell you a story that'll make your funnel quiver!

Troublesome Trucks:
Duck should play with other ducks ‘cause he's no good at pulling trucks! Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack! Hold back! Hold back!

Henry:
Did you see him straining?

James:
Posiaively painful.

Gordon:
Just pathetic. He should give up and be preserved before it's too late.

Duck:
Shut up! You're all jealous. Edward's better than any of you.

Boco:
You're right, Duck. Edward's old, but he'll surprise us all.

Gordon:
But Sir, I am Gordon and I pull the express!

The Fat Controller:
I know who you are, Gordon!

Thomas:
Balloons coming through!

Thomas:
Express coming through!

Dowager Hatt:
Fiddlesticks and fenders! Hold onto your hats!

Coaches:
[the coaches are giving Sir Handel trouble because they don't trust him and even worse, there's sheep on the line and he has to stop] [angry] He's bumped us! Let's pay him out! [shove him off the rails and he is forced to limp to the shed]

Driver:
[sighs] No more work for *you* today. What are we gonna do without an engine?

Skarloey:
What about me, sir?

Driver:
Skarloey? Can you do it?

Skarloey:
I'll try. [goes to the platform with the coaches waiting] [speaking angrily to the coaches] I'm ashamed of you! You might have hurt your passengers!

Coaches:
[frightened and regretting what they did] We're sorry, Skarloey.

Driver:
[One of Skarloey's springs has failed] We'll need a bus now for our passengers.

Skarloey:
No! I'll get them to the station or burst! [limps to the station where James is waiting] I'll do it, I'll do it... I've done it. [James collects the passengers and puffs off without a word] [sadly] Old engines can't pull trains like the young ones can.

Driver:
They can if they're mended, Old Faithful, and that's what's going to happen to you. You deserve it!

Thomas:
Listen. Can you hear a strange whistling sound?

Toby:
It's the wind blowing outside our shed. But I've never heard it like this before.

James:
Do you know, if Gordon wasn't here now, I'd say it was him thundering by with the Express.

Gordon:
Goodbye, little James. See you tomorrow.

James:
[James goes to work and later sees him weakly entering into teh station] Hello, Gordon. Is it tomorrow?

Gordon:
[James goes to work and later sees him weakly entering into teh station]

Thomas, Dowager Hatt:
Shake shake make me quake! Make me quake until I shake!

Henry:
[the other engines hear all about Oliver's tale of escaping scrap] Amazing!

James:
Oliver has resource.

Gordon:
And sagacity.

Percy:
What does that mean?

Thomas:
I think it's about being clever and wise.

Gordon:
He is an example to us all!

Duck:
[misquoting "sagacious"] Hello, Oliver. Are you being a good-gracious engine? Beg pardon of course, but we really don't like this sort of disturbance. Donald and Douglas will miss their turntable until it is mended.

Duck:
[to Oliver] The branch-line won't be the same without you. Come back soon.

Sir Topham Hatt:
No passengers means no polish.

Duncan:
[to himself] No polish means no passengers!

[That night, the shed was silent. James and Percy felt very sorry for themselves. At last, Thomas spoke]

Thomas:
You know,

[he said to no engine in particular]

Thomas:
there's more than one way to get *jammed.* We all learned that today.

[Still there was silence]

Thomas:
What's more, we also learned that sometimes when engines help each other out of a... *jam*, things can still go wrong.

["So?" said a voice]

Thomas:
So, that means we learned a lot today! And therefore...

[Then came a chorus:
]

James and Pecy:
We're really useful engines, after all!

Diesel:
Your worthy Fat...

Duck:
Sir Topham Hatt to you!

Diesel:
Your worthy Sir Topham Hatt thinks I need to learn. He is mistaken. We diesels don't need to learn; we know everything. We come to a yard and improve it. We are revolutionary.

Duck:
Oh? If you're revo-thing-amie, perhaps you would collect my trucks while I collect Gordon's coaches.

Duck:
[Diesel shunts the wrong trucks for Duck] Thank you for arranging these, Diesel. I must go now.

Diesel:
Don't you want this lot?

Duck:
No, thank you.

Diesel:
[Gulps] And I've taken all this trouble. Why didn't you tell me?

Duck:
You never asked me. Besides, you were having such fun being rev- whatever it was you said. Goodbye!

[Leaves]

Diesel:
Ruugh! Gruugh! Ruugh!

Troublesome Trucks:
[to "Pop Goes the Weasel"] Trucks are waiting in the yard, / Tackling them with easel, / "Show the world what I can do" / Gaily boasts the diesel. / In and out he creeps about, / Like a big black weasel. / When he pulls the wrong trucks out, / Pop goes the diesel!

[Duck and Percy have left Thomas at the smelters and are idling at the station before going to watch the fireworks]

Duck:
It was wrong of Thomas to tease you, Percy.

Percy:
It's okay. He was only playing. I hope he hurries up. I wouldn't want him to be late for the fireworks.

[Thomas, after having been spooked, rockets by the two engines and out of sight]

Thomas:
He's after meeeeee!

Duck:
[to Percy] I don't think he'll be late.

Toad:
Just an observation, Mr. Oliver, but snow is magical.

Toad:
[after Oliver crsahes through a snowdrift and intot eh snowman even while answering "yes, there is" a problem] That could've been a little smoother.

George:
I don't move for imitation steamrollers!

The Fat Controller:
Stephney, it appears saving you from scrap has become a habit. Please stop it.

Dowager Hatt:
Hold onto your hats! Come along, Bertram...

Gordon:
[James is about to go on the turn table] Take care. You might stick too.

James:
No fear. I'm not as fat as you.

Boys:
[Gordon caused the turntable to stick and has to pull backwards] Look, there's a new tank engine - oh, it's only Gordon back to front!

Thomas:
Hello! Playing tank engines? Sensible engine. Take my advice; scrap your tender and have a nice bunker.

James:
[thinking] I mustn't stick.

Narrator:
He stopped on just the right place to balance the table. It could now swing easily. Gordon arrived in time to see everything. James turned *much* too easily; the wind puffed him round like a top. He couldn't stop! [James spins round far too quickly; eventually his ordeal ends]

Gordon:
Well, well, are you playing roundabouts?

Narrator:
Poor James, feeling quite giddy, rolled off to the shed without a word.

Ben:
Truck stealer!

James:
Trucks will be trucks.

Gordon:
Not with me, they won't.

Narrator:
[First Lines] Thomas is a tank engine, who lives at a big station on The Island Of Sodor, he's a cheeky little engine; with six small wheels, a short stumpy funnel, a short stumpy boiler, and a short stumpy dome.

Thomas:
Santa Claus is someone who drops presents down chimneys at Christmas time.

Percy:
[looking at his funnel] I wonder if...

Thomas:
No! Chimneys, Percy, not funnels!

Terence:
[referring to the snow] Lovely stuff!

Annie:
[of Trevor] He's very kind.

Clarabel:
He reminds me of Thomas.

Thomas:
I think something's up.

Toby:
[glancing upwards] Where?

Thomas:
[laughing] Not up there - down here.

Toby:
How can something be up when it's down?

Annie & Clarabel:
Something's wrong! Clangety-clong! Clangety-clong! Something's wrong!

Bertie:
[to Thomas, who is careening down the track with a jet engine propelling him from behind] Want a race, Thomas? [Thomas, in a flash, speeds by] Never mind.

Terrance:
I'm Terence. I'm plowing.

Thomas:
I'm Thomas. I'm pulling a train. What ugly wheels you've got.

Terrance:
There's not ugly. They're caterpillars. I can go anywhere. I don't need rails.

Thomas:
I don't want to go anywhere. I like my rails, thank you.

Troublesome Trucks:
[to "Pop Goes the Weasel"] Oliver's no use at all, / Thinks he's very clever, / Says that he can manage us. / That's the best joke ever! / When he orders us about, / With the greatest folly, / We just push him down the well, / Pop goes Old Ollie!

Cricket Team:
[after losing the ball in one of Stepney's Trucks] Our one and only ball!

Sir Handel:
[Gordon talked Sir Handel into pretending he is sick, causing Peter Sam to have an accident] I'm sorry about your accident. I always stand well back. Cars don't like me.

Peter Sam:
Why didn't you warn me?

Sir Handel:
I didn't think.

The Fat Controller:
You never do. You can start thinking now while you're doing Peter Sam's work as well as your own. That'll teach you to pretend you're ill!

Narrator:
Sir Handel did start thinking... about Gordon.

Percy:
[is covered in hay and has just found out what he looks like] Bust my buffers, no wonder they all laughed! I'm just like a woolly bear! Please clean me before Toby comes.

Percy:
[ghostly whistle] Wheeeeeeeeesh! [laughs] Don't be frightened, Thomas! It's only me!

Thomas:
[bemused] Your ugly fizz is enough to frighten *anyone*! You're like...

Percy:
Ugly, indeed! I'm...

Thomas:
[continuing]... a green caterpillar with red stripes. You crawl like one, too.

Percy:
[protesting] I don't!

Thomas:
Who's been late every afternoon this week?

Percy:
It's the hay!

Thomas:
I can't help that. Time's time, and the Fat Controller relies on me to keep it. I can't if you crawl in the hay til all hours.

Percy:
[fuming] Green caterpillar, indeed! [leaves to collect hay] Everyone says I'm handsome... or at least *nearly* everyone. Anyway, my curves are better than Thomas' corners.