Time Gentlemen Please

Guv:
You can say what you like about the filthy, stinking, treacherous, German hun. But you have to respect 'em.

Marcel:
No! Do not fill my French ear with such words. [Marcel spits on the floor]

Guv:
Yea, you have to respect 'em, you don't have to capitulate quite so often but you have to respect 'em. You see the thing about the Germans is it's all above board, they're perfectly clear about what they're ambition is, it's world domination! By any means possible. They're up to something, but they're telling us about it. Not like you lot, sneaking around, I mean look at the words that the French have given the English, "espionage", "sabotage", "camouflage", "fromage". [shouts] You're up to somethin'!

Guv:
Rules is rules and if we didn't have rules then where would we be?... That's right...

Everybody:
[shout] France!

Janet Wilson:
That's f***ing shocking!

Guv:
It's a pint for the fella, glass of white wine, fruit based drink for the ladies.

Guv:
Aussies, they're built for bar work, it's instinct.

Guv:
Back off Brussels!

Guv:
Oh dear, what a pity, never mind.

[Leslie stands up menacingly]

Guv:
Crisps! Crisps!

Guv:
Hold on, Terry! Aren't you barred?

Terry Brook:
Uhm, I don't think so...

Steve Crosby:
Yes!... [long explanation ending with] Gary. [the dog]

Pops:
Look at his face, it's a picture!

Terry Brook:
A mouth's a mouth!

Terry Brook:
Slowly, slowly, catchy monkey.

Terry Brook:
That's the woman I'm going to marry!

Pops:
I knew I shouldn't have given away that condom.

Guv:
I was never confused!

Greg Thompson:
I'm implying I've got a massive cock.

Uncle Barrie:
You're doing great Guv.

Guv:
Still, it's been a year!

Pops:
Remember when the Prof won two quid on that machine?

Guv:
Terry, you master of disguise!

Steve Crosby:
I'm cheeky me!

Terry Brook:
That is the woman I'm going to marry.

Guv:
Terry, YOU'RE BARRED!

Terry Brook:
I think she has the painters in. The toothless vampires fountain of youth. The white tailed mouse is in his hole getting fatter.

Guv:
was NEVER confused. Still, It's been a year.

Guv:
It's not normal.

Terry:
Oh don't worry about it Steve, time of the month, the chilli sauce is dripping out the furry kebab...

Guv:
Ms Jackson from the Brewery [cow!] , please meet Connie, our new barmaid [bloody student!] Conne [bloody student!] ,meet Ms Jackson from the Brewery [cow!]

Terry:
1974, the year of the Cod War. Course I signed up straight away, I've always hated fish.

Guv:
Who knows, maybe if I become a member, one day I shall achieve my true dream, and become King Bar Steward.

Janet Wilson:
It's got to be a joke, right?

Guv:
No, the elected head of the Bar Stewards is called the King Bar Steward.

Janet Wilson:
No way, King Bar Steward, you 'King Bar Steward.

Guv:
Theme nights? Theme nights? The only theme a pub needs is BEER!

Guv:
You're twisting my words by using the correct definitions.