To Boldly Flee

Luke Mochrie:
You really think our time is at its end?

Cinema Snob:
The world is changing, kid. The internet is changing. Even if we survive this witch hunt, we can't chase the Zeitgeist forever.

Christopher Clod:
Have you ever heard of a director called Uwe Boll? He figured that all you truly needed was the will to create, to tax-dodge schemes and direct-to-video releases, he figured he could turn any video game franchise into his own personal playground. How ironic that the very things you critics rail against have made him a cult sensation. No matter what your friends say, people love him precisely because they hate him.

Oancitizen:
Bad art is a distraction. Great art changes people.

Oancitizen:
Remember, the plot can be what you make of it.

Mechakara:
To be.

General Zod:
Or not.

Turrell:
[over-acting] To BE.

[repeated line]

JesuOtaku:
I shall now demonstrate on... Paw-Paw! [Paw gets hurt cartoonishly]

Linkara:
What do I review, Paw?

Paw:
[looks around him] Lamps?

The Last Angry Geek:
The needs... of many... outweigh...

The Nostalgia Critic:
The needs of the few...

The Last Angry Geek:
Shut up, I'm talking.

The Nostalgia Critic:
[exasperated] Sorry!

The Spoony One:
[possessed by Ma-Ti] Search for my body. Find the Hole.

The Nostalgia Critic:
Okay, there is no way I am reaching for your hole.

The Spoony One:
The Hole! It's coming!

The Nostalgia Critic:
Please say no more about your coming hole...

Turrell:
It's Terl! T-U-double R-E-double-L, Terl! Do you know what that spells?

The Nostalgia Critic:
Tigger?

The Nostalgia Critic:
Oh come on, when have I ever lied to any of you guys?

JesuOtaku:
[runs in excitedly] Oh my god you guys, I won a car! [beat] I don't check my mail that often.

The Nostalgia Critic:
Cinema Snob, fill her in.

Cinema Snob:
Alright, you're gonna LOVE this...

The Nostalgia Critic:
Now, I know I've never asked anything of you guys before.

Todd in the Shadows:
Did he seriously just say that?"

The Nostalgia Critic:
By god, with a ship in my command and a crew to dispose of...

MarzGurl:
Don't you mean at your disposal?

The Nostalgia Critic:
Sure. Nothing can stop us!

General Zod:
Y-your name is... Ferdinand? I am totally tweeting that!

The Nostalgia Critic:
I don't recall a sexy dance party.

8-Bit Mickey:
Are you saying we don't need a sexy dance party?

The Nostalgia Critic:
Well, I didn't say that.

Sad Panda:
Film Brain, you look like you heard two people having sex.

Film Brain:
How would you know?

Sad Panda:
I'm French. We know.

Turrell:
Oh, that just blew up Venus. F***! They're gonna miss that.

The Nostalgia Critic:
Cinema Snob, can we fire back?

Cinema Snob:
Um... according to this little red light that means "no"... uh... no.

The Nostalgia Critic:
What do you think, doc?

Sad Panda:
Juno is overrated.

The Nostalgia Critic:
I mean about Spoony.

Sad Panda:
Spoony would agree with me.

The Nostalgia Critic:
I mean about his treatment.

Sad Panda:
Stop watching Juno.

The Nostalgia Critic:
Will you forget about Juno?

Sad Panda:
I am trying. But Best Screenwriter? Really?

C.R.:
So this is a Dream Amplifier.

The Nostalgia Critic:
So what does it do?

C.R.:
Amplifies dreams.

The Nostalgia Critic:
Yeah, I got that, Captain Obvious!

JesuOtaku:
[Hugs CR] Yay! You've been promoted!

The Nostalgia Critic:
I never did trust Linkara. What kind of freak reviews lamps?

The Nostalgia Chick:
Todd... I really don't think this is going to work out.

Todd in the Shadows:
I know.

The Nostalgia Chick:
You know, you're really a nice guy.

Todd in the Shadows:
I know.

The Nostalgia Chick:
And it's not you, it's me.

Todd in the Shadows:
I know!

The Nostalgia Critic:
Linkara, whaddya say?

Mechakara:
...Risk assessment analysis indicates the probability of your success to be minimal, ensuring your failure and my victory. [a pause; everyone cheers]

Dr. Insano:
[realizing he's been robbed while his back was turned] Son of a b*tch! This is why I need mad scientist insurance!

Paw:
Wait wait wait! We're going into space, I need proper attire. [swaps out a pair of headphones with Spock ears]

The Nostalgia Critic:
You're such a geek.

Paw:
I find that... illogical.

The Nostalgia Critic:
That's why you're undateable.

Obscurus Lupa:
Uh, no offense... actually, a lot of offense. Why the hell should we trust you?

The Nostalgia Critic:
Oh, come on! When have I ever lied to any of you guys?

JesuOtaku:
[comes running in, holding a piece of paper] Oh my god, you guys, I won a car!

[everyone glares at her]

JesuOtaku:
[shrugs] I don't check my mail that often.

The Nostalgia Critic:
Okay... I lied a few times. And I know I've mad some mistakes in the past.

8-Bit Mickey:
Thousands.

The Nostalgia Critic:
And some times, I've led you into danger.

Phelous:
Always.

The Nostalgia Critic:
But, at least I had the best intentions in mind.

JewWario:
Yours.

The Nostalgia Critic:
And things have always turned out okay.

8-Bit Mickey, Phelous, JewWario, Luke Mochrie, Film Brain, MarzGurl, Linkara, Obscurus Lupa, Sad Panda:
NEVER!

Bennett the Sage:
The needs of the plot outweighs the needs of the logic.

The Nostalgia Critic:
[beams down to the planet dressed up as Judge Dredd; impersonates Sylvester Stallone] I AM... THE LAUUUUGH! [Starts shooting at the minions; screaming halfway through until all the minions are dead; close up on the Critic, still impersonating Stallone] Court's adjourned.

Turrell:
[When his ship attacks the Exit Strategy] Stupid humans.

Angry Joe:
[beams onboard Terl's ship during his speech] Excuse me. Which one of you is the tactical weapons officer? [Terl and Zod point to the minion on the right. Angry Joe shoots the tactical weapons officer, smiles and beams back to the Exit Strategy]

The Nostalgia Critic:
Engineering, does the transporter still work?

C.R.:
Yeah, but I'm afraid that the transporter is very badly damaged. I can only put rough coordinates in and I'm afraid I can only beam in two at a time right now.

The Nostalgia Critic:
Joe, would you like to shoot something?

Angry Joe:
Why yes, Critic. Yes I would.

The Nostalgia Critic:
Good. I have a plan. Let me get my battle armor on. Something... dreddful.

MarzGurl:
[hesitantly] You mean...

The Nostalgia Critic:
Oh, yeah. Meet me in Engineering.

JesuOtaku:
Wait, Critic! I have invented these... [shows off power-enhancing gloves] JesuOtaku: power-enhancing energy gloves. They increase your body strength by twelve hundred percent. I shall demonstrate on... Paw Paw! [pushes Paw Paw and he goes flying]

The Nostalgia Critic:
Okay, I think I like this crazy Otaku. [takes the gloves from JesuOtaku] All right, Joe. Meet me in Engineering. Everyone else, [gestures toward viewscreen] act like you're still listening to him.

Turrell:
[crew turns mute button off]... perchance to cream... [Zod stands next to Terl looking disgusted]

[the Critic's phone rings]

The Nostalgia Critic:
Hello?

Turrell:
Greetings, you pathetic pile of man-animal!

The Nostalgia Critic:
Mom?

Turrell:
Oh, you may have evaded intergalactic law, rat-brain... but you've not evaded me!

The Nostalgia Critic:
Mom, have you been drinking again?

The Nostalgia Critic:
There's got to be some way of stopping this thing. Help me!

Gort:
Well, you know what they say: If you can't beat them, join them.

[Gort teleports in and removes his helmet to reveal his true identity. The Angry Video Game Nerd]

Angry Video Game Nerd:
That's right! It was me the whole time!

The Nostalgia Critic:
[sarcastically] Oh.

Angry Video Game Nerd:
Oh? What do you mean "Oh?"

The Nostalgia Critic:
Well, I think the audience figured it out pretty early. I mean, who else could it be?

Angry Video Game Nerd:
It could've been anybody! Like, maybe... LordKat?

The Nostalgia Critic:
Oh, please, in that outfit?

Angry Video Game Nerd:
All right, smartass. Well, how do you expect to fix the situation, then?

The Nostalgia Critic:
Kay... That I don't know.

Angry Video Game Nerd:
All right, well, good luck with that.

The Nostalgia Critic:
My God... What have I done?

Angry Video Game Nerd:
What you had to do, Critic. Like you always do. Turn death... into another chance to blow sh*t up.

The Nostalgia Critic:
Well, I guess this is it. So, where *did* you get that device to communicate with JO and CR?

Angry Video Game Nerd:
Stole it from Insano.

The Nostalgia Critic:
Of course. Guess he was good for something.

Angry Video Game Nerd:
Hm. Yeah.

[they shake hands]

The Nostalgia Critic:
See you on the other side, man.

Angry Video Game Nerd:
Nice working with you, Critic.

Linkara:
just don't know, Paw. You want to take my spaceship to go investigate some beeps in space?

Paw:
It's not just beeps in space! The government's trying to cover it up! I tried calling NASA about this, but they treated me like I was crazy.

Linkara:
What'd you tell them?

Paw:
That I'm an internet reviewer who needs a spaceship

Linkara:
Sounds sane to me.

The Nostalgia Critic:
[to Turrell] You look like Coolio trick-or-treating as Jack Sparrow.

Paw:
You're the only reviewer I know who has a spaceship. Where'd you get that thing anyway?

Linkara:
Oh, it's explained in my videos... You *have* watched my videos, right Paw?

Paw:
...Course I do.

Linkara:
Then tell me, what's Mechakara?

Paw:
Jambi's magic words?

Linkara:
It's my psychotic robot double! How does my theme song go?

Paw:
Um... "I met you on a Thursday..."

Linkara:
[angry] What do I review, Paw?

Paw:
Lamps?

Linkara:
Goodbye, Paw.

The Spoony One:
Help me, Critic! Take me home!

The Nostalgia Critic:
Spoony. Spoony, we are home. My home. Get out.

The Spoony One:
Then there's still time. Search for my body. Find the hole.

The Nostalgia Critic:
OK, there is no way I am reaching for your hole.

The Spoony One:
The hole. It's coming!

The Nostalgia Critic:
Please say no more about your coming hole.