Tomb Hackers

Jack Loot:
Now it's time to show you how we do things where I come from!

Rob Moore:
But we're both from the same place.

Jack Loot:
[stuttering] I know, I mean, you know... it just sounded cool!

Langley Fuller:
[after walking into room] Jack Loot and Rob Moore! What's the matter Jack? Can't say hi to an old college friend?

Jack Loot:
Hi Fuller. And you're not a friend. You're more like a - I don't know - a guy I don't like!

Jack Loot:
Alright, whatever you do, what your step. This place could be booby trapped.

Rob Moore:
What are you talking about? I'm the one that told you about the booby traps.

Jack Loot:
I know, but it sounds better coming from me.

Rob Moore:
[after being convinced into going into the tomb by Jack] Okay, but I hope you know that if I wasn't $40,000 in debt... I wouldn't be doing this!

Rob Moore:
The last person to come out here and not know the password was found with an arrow in his forehead and burned to death. And do you know why he was found burned with an arrow in his head?

Jack Loot:
I got it! He was juggling apples, but there was this girl there and he really wanted to impress her. So he picked out some sharp arrows and started juggling those. Now, the girl was like, "Oh Honey, you're so brave, please be careful!" And he was all like, "Don't worry, I'm a trained professional, I do this all the time, baby!" But the thing is, he was also a chain smoker, so he had a cigarette hanging from his lips when he was saying all this. Next thing ya know, cigarette falls from his lips and goes under his shirt, catches fire - then while in mid-air, the arrow falls! He's so concerned about the fire in his shirt that he forgets about the arrows at first. But then he looks up and Wham! No longer is he just burning, but now he also has an arrow in his head! That's what happened, isn't it? That's the sad sick chain reaction of events that took that poor man's life, isn't it, Rob?

Rob Moore:
No, he gave an incorrect password!

Jack Loot:
Well that was my third choice.

Jack Loot:
Remember Stacy from school?

Rob Moore:
The cute blonde, right?

Jack Loot:
Yeah, she asked me for my phone number the other day.

Rob Moore:
You think she likes you?

Jack Loot:
Yeah, I think she wants me.

Jack Loot:
Aww come on, you look like something that's been left in the dryer for too long! You mean you're supposed to be able to do something to hurt me?

Jack Loot:
[Jack gets punched by the Artificial Intelligence Being and turns to Rob] Yeah... It uhh... It hurt!

Jack Loot:
Hey Listen! Now if you be good and cooperate, I'll set you up with an agent, and we'll work out a deal for you to be a spokesperson for some fabric softener!

Rob Moore:
[while being electrocuted by the Artificial Intelligence Being] Jack, this hurts really bad!

Jack Loot:
Oh it's not that bad! It just feels like a deep tissue massage, except a whole lot deeper!

Jack Loot:
[after Jack's phone rings] Ah ha! Stacy! I told you she wanted me!

1st Woman in Lobby:
[after elevator opens with Jack inside] Hello, Jack!

2nd Woman in Lobby:
Hello there, Jack.

Jack Loot:
Hello, babies... I mean ladies!

[last lines]

Jack Loot:
[while checking his pockets] I think I left all my keys locked inside the office.

Rob Moore:
Jack, we haven't even been here that long! We can't let them see us making mistakes already!

Jack Loot:
Rob, don't worry. I always have a plan. I know exactly how to get back inside.

Rob Moore:
How?

Jack Loot:
Carbon Quake?