Tomorrow Never Dies

Elliot Carver:
Good morning, my golden retrievers. What kind of havoc shall the Carver Media Group create in the world today? News?

Newsman:
Floods in Pakistan, riots in Paris, and a plane crash in California.

Elliot Carver:
Excellent.

Elliot Carver:
Mr. Wallace, call the President. Tell him if he doesn't sign the bill lowering the cable rates, we will release the video of him with the cheerleader in the Chicago motel room.

Mr. Wallace:
Inspired, sir.

Elliot Carver:
And after he signs the bill, release the tape anyway.

Mr. Wallace:
Consider him slimed.

Elliot Carver:
The distance between insanity and genius is measured only by success.

Paris Carver:
I used to look in the papers every day for your obituary.

James Bond:
Sorry to disappoint.

Admiral Roebuck:
With all due respect, M, I think you don't have the balls for this job.

M:
Maybe. But the advantage is, I don't have to think with them all the time.

James Bond:
I always enjoyed learning a new tongue.

Elliot Carver:
Mr. Jones, are we ready to release our new software?

Jones:
Yes, sir. As requested, it's full of bugs, which means people will be forced to upgrade for years.

Elliot Carver:
Outstanding.

Moneypenny:
You always were a cunning linguist, James.

Moneypenny:
Don't ask.

M:
Don't tell.

Q:
It's the insurance damage waiver for your beautiful new car. Will you need collision coverage?

James Bond:
Yes

Q:
Fire?

James Bond:
Probably

Q:
Personal Injury?

James Bond:
I hope not, but accidents do happen.

Q:
They frequently do with you.

James Bond:
Is there any other protection I need?

Q:
Only from me 007, unless you bring that car back in pristine order.

James Bond:
Was it something I said?

Paris Carver:
How about the words, "I'll be right back"?

James Bond:
You forgot the first rule of mass media, Elliot: give the people what they want.

James Bond:
It won't look like a suicide if you shoot me from over there.

Dr. Kaufman:
I am a professor of forensic medicine. Believe me, Mr. Bond, I could shoot you from Stuttgart und still create ze proper effect.

Jack Wade:
You know that, officially, Uncle Sam is completely neutral in this turkey shoot.

James Bond:
And unofficially?

Jack Wade:
We have no interest in seeing World War III - unless we start it.

James Bond:
Another Carver building. If I didn't know better, I'd say he developed an edifice complex.

James Bond:
You were pretty good with that hook.

Wai-Lin:
Thanks. It comes from growing up in a rough neighborhood. You were pretty good on the bike.

James Bond:
Thank you. It comes from not growing up at all.

Wai-Lin:
They're looking for us, James.

James Bond:
Let's stay under cover.

Paris Carver:
This job of yours... it's murder on relationships.

Mr. Stamper:
I owe you an unpleasant death, Mr. Bond.

Paris Carver:
Tell me, James: do you still sleep with a gun under your pillow?

Dr. Kaufman:
This is very embarrassing. It seems there is a red box they need in your car, only they can't get it open. They want me to get you to tell how to open it. I feel like an idiot, I don't know what to say.

Dr. Kaufman:
I am to torture you if you don't do it.

James Bond:
Do you have a doctorate in that as well?

Dr. Kaufman:
No, no this is more like a hobby... but I am very gifted.

James Bond:
Oh, I believe you.

Gupta:
I call it "Gupta's Law of Convienient Anomlies" - if it looks too god to be true, it probably is.

Elliot Carver:
According to Eastern philosophy, the body has twelve different chakra points. Energy centers, the heart, genitals, et cetera. The purpose of these implements is to probe those organs, inflicting the maximum amount of pain while keeping the victim alive for as long as possible.

Mr. Stamper:
Dr. Kaufman's record was fifty-two hours. I'm hoping to break it.

James Bond:
I would have thought watching your TV shows was torture enough.

Elliot Carver:
There's no news like bad news.

Elliot Carver:
Soon I'll have reached out to and influenced more people than anybody in the history of this planet, save God himself. And the best he ever managed was the Sermon on the Mount.

Elliot Carver:
Don't you realise how absurd your position is?

James Bond:
No more absurd than starting a war for ratings.

James Bond:
Are you sure you can do this on your own?

Wai-Lin:
It depends whether your mission is peace or revenge.

James Bond:
This is about stopping a war.

M:
I wonder what will upset them more, that the CIA lost it, or that we found it.

Q:
Here's your cell phone. Talk here, listen here.

James Bond:
So that's what I've been doing wrong for all these years?

James Bond:
Now I think we can understand each other.

Q:
Grow up, 007.

Elliot Carver:
I rather like the last one. It isn't even mine.

Wai Lin:
It's mostly dull routine, of course. But every now and then, you get to sail on a beautiful evening like this, and sometimes work with the decadent agent of a corrupt Western power.

James Bond:
And they say Communists don't know how to have fun... If I may say so, you've found the right decadent corrupt Western agent as a partner.

Adm. Kelly - HMS Bedford:
Now, Captain? Whatever the hell that thing is, sink it.

Dr. Kaufman:
My art is in great demand, Mr. Bond. I go all over the world. I am especially good at the celebrity overdose.

Charles Robinson:
Our man's in position on the center camera. It's like a terrorist supermarket. Chinese Long March Scud, Panther AS-565 attack helicopter, a pair of Russian mortars, and the crates look like American rifles. Chilean mines. German explosives. Fun for the whole family.

[during an argument at MI6 headquarters]

Admiral Roebuck:
That's preposterous! We know exactly where that ship was positioned! The GPS system - Global Positioning Satellites do not lie!

M:
Yes, but our Singapore station picked up a mysterious signal - on the GPS frequency at the time of the attack. It could have sent that ship off course.

Roebuck:
I have a missing British frigate-

M:
I'm aware of that!

Roebuck:
And instead of decisive action, all you want to do is-

M:
My goal is to prevent World War III, Admiral, and I don't think sending an armada into the recovery area is the best way to do it.

Defense Minister:
Where exactly did this mysterious GPS signal come from?

M:
We're still investigating.

Roebuck:
"Investigating". With all due respect, M, sometimes I don't think you have the balls for this job!

M:
Perhaps. But the advantage is, I don't have to think with them all the time.

Defense Minister:
That's enough. Now where do we stand?

Roebuck:
It was an unprovoked attack held in international waters. We send in the fleet for recovery and prepare for full retaliation!

M:
Moderation. We investigate and stop short of sending the entire British Navy within 10 minutes of the world's largest air force.

Defense Minister:
When will our ships be in position?

Roebuck:
48 hours.

Defense Minister:
Great. The press are already screaming for blood; the last thing we want to do is escalate the situation.

James Bond:
[arrives with a copy of the Tomorrow newspaper] I'm afraid it may be too late to worry about that.

Defense Minister:
[reads the paper] "Seventeen British sailors murdered"?! "According to Vietnamese officials who recovered the bodies, the victims were riddled with the same ammunition used by the Chinese Air Force."

M:
Did you leak this?

Roebuck:
NO! This is the first I've heard of it.

Defense Minister:
Well, this settles it. We send in the fleet. M, you have 48 hours to investigate.

James Bond:
There is one strange thing. When I called our contact in Saigon, he said the Vietnamese only found our sailors three hours ago.

Charles Robinson:
How did they get the paper out so fast?

James Bond:
Somebody at Tomorrow knew before the Vietnamese government did.

M:
How much do you know about Elliot Carver, 007?

James Bond:
Worldwide media baron. Able to topple governments with a single broadcast. Carver owns that newspaper, Tomorrow.

M:
I didn't want to discuss this in front of the Minister, but that mysterious signal came from one of Carver's satellites. The PM would have my head if he knew we were investigating him. [hands Bond a document containing his mission] I'm sending you to Hamburg, 007. We've arranged for you to be invited tonight to a party at Carver's media centre.

Charles Robinson:
They're celebrating the launch of a new satellite, because now he has the ability to reach every human being on Earth.

M:
Except the Chinese, who've refused broadcast rights.

Moneypenny:
[rolls down her window and displays documents] James, your ticket, cover story and rental car reservation. Sign here, please.

M:
[as Bond signs one of the documents] I believe you once had a relationship with Carver's wife, Paris?

James Bond:
That was a long time ago, M. Before she was married. I didn't realise it was public knowledge.

Moneypenny:
Queen and country, James.

M:
Your job is to find out whether it was Carver or someone in his organisation who sent that ship off course and why. Use your relationship with Mrs. Carver if necessary.

James Bond:
I doubt if she'll remember me.

M:
Remind her. Then pump her for information.

Moneypenny:
You'll just have to decide how much pumping is needed, James.

James Bond:
If only that were true of you and I, Moneypenny.

[at the launch of the CMGN satellite network]

Elliot Carver:
Anyway, there's absolutely no truth in this malicious rumour that I started running mad cow disease stories simply because Sir Angus Black, the great British beef baron, lost £10,000 to me in a game of poker and refused to pay up. Moreover, there's even less truth in the rumour I took a hundred million francs from the French to keep the stories running for another year.

Usherette:
Excuse me, Mr. Carver.

Carver:
Yes.

Usherette:
This is the new banker, Mr?

James Bond:
Bond. James Bond.

Carver:
Another new banker. I seem to collect them. Tell me, Mr. Bond how's the market reacting to the crisis?

Bond:
Well, currencies are off. Your stock is soaring.

[Bond approaches Paris at the launch party]

James Bond:
I always wondered how I'd feel if I saw you again. [she turns around, looks at him, and slaps him] Now I know. Was it something I said?

Paris Carver:
How about the words "I'll be right back"?

[Carver's men have caught Bond and Wai Lin in Vietnam, and brought them to Carver's tower in Saigon]

Elliot Carver:
You may have seen the General in the hallway just now but perhaps, with all your jetting around, you've not had a chance to peruse today's headlines. [He brings up several newspaper scans on the large screens covering the wall. The first, a European English-language edition of Tomorrow, Carver's newspaper, bears the headline CRISIS GROWS. Carver changes to another European English-language edition of Tomorrow, this one's headline reading CHINA WARNS OF WAR. Carver brings up a third news headline. This one, in a different font to Tomorrow, has the caption THE EMPIRE WILL STRIKE BACK, flanked by the flags of the United Kingdom and China] I rather like the last one. It isn't even mine!

James Bond:
I never believe what I read in the press anyway.

Carver:
Ha! Therein lies your problem, Mr. Bond. You see, we're both men of action, but your era and Miss Lin's is passing. Words are the new weapons, satellites the new artillery.

Bond:
And you become the new Supreme Allied Commander?

Carver:
Exactly! Caesar had his legions, Napoleon had his armies, I have my divisions. TV, news, magazines. And by midnight I'll have reached and influenced more people than anyone in the history of this planet, [points up] save God Himself. And the best He ever managed was the Sermon on the Mount.

Bond:
You really are quite insane.

Carver:
The distance between insanity and genius is measured only by success.

Carver:
[explaining his plan] What you're about to witness, Miss Lin, is not so much a missile attack, but the launch of a new world order. In precisely five minutes, after your countrymen have attacked the British fleet, I shall retaliate for dear old England by sending this missile in to Beijing, where General Chang has called for an emergency meeting of the Chinese High Command. Unfortunately, General Chang will be 'delayed' in traffic, arriving just after the missile has killed your leaders, and too late to stop the air force from sinking the entire British fleet, but he will be just in time to take over the government, negotiate a truce and emerge as a world leader, with a Nobel Peace Prize.

Wai-Lin:
And what do you get?

Carver:
Me? Oh, nothing... just exclusive broadcasting rights in China for the next 100 years.

Gupta:
[entering a code and contacting Carver via his walkie-talkie] Ready to rock and ruin.

Carver:
[back to Lin] If you'll excuse me, I have something of a deadline to meet.

Elliot Carver:
Don't you realise how absurd your position is?!

James Bond:
No more absurd than starting a war for ratings!

Carver:
Great men have always manipulated the media to save the world. Look at William Randolph Hearst, who told his photographers "You provide the pictures, I'll provide the war". I've just taken it one step further.

Bond:
[kills a henchman sneaking up on him] Sorry, I tuned out for a moment, Elliot.

Carver:
Touché.

[Carver is gloating over a seemingly beaten Bond]

Elliot Carver:
You're too late again, Mr. Bond. It's a bad habit. There's nothing you can do. The missile is fully programmed, it can't be stopped. In a matter of minutes, my plan will succeed, and thanks largely to your efforts, the British Navy will destroy the evidence. [Bond surreptiously activates the sea-drill behind them] And I'll be out of here, in a Carver News helicopter covering the event. It's going to be a fantastic show!

James Bond:
I may have some breaking news for you, Elliot. [Carver notices the approaching drill as it breaks through a window; Bond uses the distraction to overpower him] You forgot the first rule of mass media, Elliot! Give the people what they want! [Bond leaves Carver in the drill's path]

[as HMS Bedford searches for Bond and Wai Lin]

Wai Lin:
They're looking for us, James.

James Bond:
Let's stay under cover.

James Bond:
[after ejecting an assassin in the back seat of the jet he is flying into another jet, resulting in the other jet's destruction, along with all aboard] Backseat driver.

James Bond:
[knocking a Carver henchman to his demise in a newspaper printing machine] They'll print anything these days.

The distance between insanity and genius is measured only by success.