Transformers

Ron Witwicky:
I've got a little surprise for you, son. [drives towards a Porsche dealer] Yep, a little surprise.

Sam Witwicky:
[sees father driving them to Porsche dealership] No, no, no, NO!! Dad! Oh, you've got to be kidding me!

Ron:
Yeah, I am. [drives past dealership] You're not getting a Porsche!

Sam:
[offended look] You think that's funny?

Ron:
Yeah, I think it's funny.

Sam:
What's wrong with you?!

Ron:
What, did you really think I'd get you a Porsche? For your first car?

Sam:
I don't wanna talk to you for the rest of the day. [Ron chuckles]

[Captain Lennox is trying to call the Pentagon while his men fight Scorponok]

Capt. Lennox:
NO, I DON'T HAVE A CREDIT CARD!!

International Operator:
[bored] Sir, the attitude isn't going to speed things up any bit at all. I'm going to ask you to speak into the mouthpiece very clearly.

Capt. Lennox:
I'm in the middle of a war! This is friggin' ridiculous!! [Runs over to Epps] I need a credit card! Epps, where's your wallet?

Tech Sgt. Epps:
Pocket!!

Lennox:
Which pocket?!

Epps:
MY BACK POCKET!!!

Lennox:
You've got ten back pockets!!!

Epps:
LEFT CHEEK!!! LEFT CHEEK!!! LEFT CHEEK!!!

Lennox:
[picks up card and continues talking] Okay, it's a Visa.

International Operator:
Also, sir, have you heard about our Premium Plus full-service call package?

Lennox:
NO, I DON'T WANT A PREMIUM PACKAGE!!! Epps, Pentagon!

[Sam is picking up Mikaela after she dumps Trent]

Sam Witwicky:
I hope I didn't get you stranded or anything. You sure? So listen, I was wondering if I could ride you home. I mean, give you a ride home in my car, to your house. [Mikaela enters the car]

Mikaela Banes:
[to herself]...I can't believe that I'm here right now.

Sam:
You can duck down if you want. I mean, it won't hurt my feelings.

Mikaela:
No, no, I don't mean here with you, just here, in this situation. Same situation I'm always in, and I don't know...I just have a weakness for hot guys with tight abs and really big arms.

Sam:
[confused] Big arms? [swallows] Well, there's a couple of new additions to the car. Like, I just put that light there. [points to back seat] And that disco ball. [tries to point light by flexing muscles] And so the light reflects from the disco ball.

[The Autobots meet Sam and Mikaela in an alley]

Optimus Prime:
Are you Samuel James Witwicky, descendant of Archibald Witwicky?

Mikaela Banes:
[stunned] They know your name!

Sam Witwicky:
Yeah.

Optimus:
My name is Optimus Prime. We are Autonomous Robotic Organisms from the planet Cybertron.

Ratchet:
But you can call us "Autobots" for short.

Sam:
Autobots.

Jazz:
What's crackin', lil' b*tches? [does a somersault]

Optimus:
My first lieutenant. Designation: Jazz.

Jazz:
This looks like a cool place to kick it! [jumps onto a car behind him as if it were a chair]

Sam:
What is that? How did he learn to talk like that?

Optimus:
We've learned Earth's languages through the World Wide Web (a system of interlinked hypertext documents accessed via the Internet). [points to Ironhide] My weapons specialist, Ironhide.

Ironhide:
[brandishing his weapons] You feeling lucky, punk?

Optimus:
Easy, Ironhide.

Ironhide:
Just kidding, I just wanted to show him my cannons.

Optimus:
Our medical officer, Ratchet.

Ratchet:
[sniffing] The boy's pheromone levels suggest he wants to mate with the female.

[Mikaela scratches her head in embarrassment - Sam whistles]

Optimus:
You already know your guardian, Bumblebee.

Bumblebee:
[assumes fighting stance] Check to the rep/Yep, second to none

Sam:
Bumblebee, right? You're my guardian, huh? [Bumblebee nods]

Ratchet:
His vocal processors were damaged in battle. I'm still working on them.

Mikaela:
Why are you here?

Optimus:
We are here looking for the AllSpark, and we must find it before Megatron.

Sam:
Mega-what?

Optimus:
[produces a hologram of Cybertron for Sam and Mikaela to see] Our planet was once a powerful empire, peaceful and just, until we were betrayed by Megatron, leader of the Decepticons. All who defied them were destroyed. Our war finally consumed the planet, and the AllSpark was lost to the stars. Megatron followed it to Earth, where Captain Witwicky found him.

Sam:
My grandfather...?

Optimus:
It was an accident that intertwined our fates. [flashes back to Archibald's discovery of Megatron in the ice] Megatron crash-landed before he could retrieve the Cube. He accidentally activated his navigation system. The coordinates to the Cube's location on Earth were inprinted on his glasses.

Sam:
How did you know about his glasses?

Optimus:
eBay.

Sam:
eBay...

Ratchet:
If the Decepticons find the AllSpark, they'll use its power to transform Earth's machines, and build a new army.

Optimus:
And the human race will be extinguished. Sam Witwicky, you hold the key to Earth's survival.

Mikaela:
[to Sam] Please tell me you have those glasses.

[The Autobots discuss their next move atop the Griffith Observatory]

Optimus Prime:
[holding Archibald's glasses] Please...let this work.

Jazz:
Fire it up, Optimus.

Optimus Prime:
[creates a hologram of the Earth from the glasses] The code...the code on these glasses indicates the AllSpark is 230 miles from here.

Ratchet:
I sense the Decepticons are getting ready to mobilize.

Ironhide:
They must know it's here as well...

Jazz:
What about Bumblebee? We can't just leave him to die! Or become some human experiment!

Optimus:
He'll die in vain if we don't accomplish our mission. Bumblebee is a brave soldier - this is what he would want.

Ironhide:
Why are we fighting to save the humans? They're a primitive and violent race.

Optimus:
Were we so different? They are a young species - they have much to learn... but I've seen goodness in them. Freedom is the right of all sentient beings. You all know there is only one way to end this war: we must destroy the Cube; if all else fails... [opens his chest compartment] ...I will unite it with the spark in my chest.

Ratchet:
That's suicide - the Cube is raw power - it could destroy you both!

Optimus:
A necessary sacrifice to bring peace to this planet - we cannot let the humans pay for our mistakes - it's been an honor serving with you all. Autobots, roll out!

Jazz:
We're rolling!

Starscream:
I live to serve you, Lord Megatron!

Megatron:
Where is the Cube?

Starscream:
The humans have taken it!

Megatron:
[growls] You failed me yet again, Starscream. GET THEM!

Jazz:
You want a piece of me?! YOU WANT A PIECE?!!

Megatron:
No! [killing Jazz, breaking him in two pieces] I want...TWO!!

Captain Lennox:
Sam, where's the Cube?

Sam Witwicky:
[pointing to the ground] Right there!

Lennox:
Epps, get those Blackhawks down here! That building...okay!

Sam:
What?

Lennox:
All right, I can't leave my guys back here, so here, take this flare. Okay, there's a tall white building with statues on top. Go to the rooftop, set the flare. Signal the chopper, and set the flare...

Sam:
What? No, no, I can't do this-

Lennox:
[grabs him] Listen to me, you're a soldier now! All right? I need you take this Cube. Get it into military hands while we hold them off, or a lot of people are gonna die. [to Mikaela] You got to go, you got to go.

Mikaela:
No, I'm not leaving.

Lennox:
You need to go.

Mikaela:
No, I'm not leaving till I get Bumblebee out of here, okay?

Tech Sgt. Epps:
[into radio] Army Black Hawk, requesting immediate evac for civilian boy with precious cargo, headed to rooftop marked by flare.

Ironhide:
Sam, we will protect you.

Sam:
[breathing heavily] Okay...

Lennox:
Epps, where are those planes?

Mikaela:
Sam, no matter what happens...I'm really glad I got in that car with you.

Jazz:
Brawl incoming! Formations!!

Ironhide:
Sam, get to the building!

Ratchet:
Move!

Megatron:
DECEPTICONS ATTACK!!!

Lennox:
HIT IT!!!

Ratchet:
Cover fire!

Megatron:
[to Sam] I'll kill you! Mine! AllSpark!

Optimus Prime:
Sam, put the Cube in my chest now! Sam! No, Sam! [sees Sam thrust the Cube into Megatron's chest, destroying him. To Megatron's destroyed corpse] You left me no choice, brother. Sam, I owe you my life. We are in your debt.

Ironhide:
[hands Jazz's corpse] Prime, we couldn't save him.

Optimus:
Oh, Jazz. [referring to the humans] We lost a great comrade, but gained new ones. Thank you, all of you. You honor us with your bravery.

Bumblebee:
[fully repaired] Permission to speak, sir?

Optimus:
Permission granted, old friend.

Sam Witwicky:
You speak now?

Bumblebee:
I wish to stay with the boy.

Optimus:
If that is his choice.

Sam:
Yes.

Optimus Prime:
Bumblebee stop lubricating the man!

[Bumblebee stops lubricating on Simmons]

Simmons:
Get that thing to stop huh?

Sam Witwicky:
[Seeing his car transform for the first time] Oh my God... [Starts video recording on phone] My name is Sam Witwicky. Whoever finds this, my car is alive, okay. [Holds up phone briefly to show Bumblebee] You see all that? If these are my last words on Earth, I just want to say that Mom, Dad, I love you and if you find Busty Beauties under my bed, it wasn't mine, I'm holding it for Miles. No, no, wait that's—Okay, that's not true. It's mine; Uncle Charles gave it to me. I'm sorry. Mojo, I love you.

Optimus Prime:
[Opening line] Before time began, there was the Cube. We know not where it comes from, only that it holds the power to create worlds and fill them with life. That is how our race was born. For a time, we lived in harmony, but like all great power, some wanted it for good, others for evil. And so began the war, a war that ravaged our planet until it was consumed by the death, and the Cube was lost to the far reaches of space. We scattered across the galaxy, hoping to find it and rebuild our home, searching every star, every world. And just when all hope seemed lost, message of a new discovery drew us to an unknown planet called Earth. But we were already too late.

Optimus Prime:
[Closing line] With the AllSpark gone, we cannot return life to our planet. But fate has yielded its reward: a new world to call home. We live among its people now, hiding in plain sight, but watching over them in secret, waiting...protecting. I have witnessed their capacity for courage, and though we are worlds apart, like us, there's more to them than meets the eye. I am Optimus Prime, and I send this message to any surviving Autobots taking refuge among the stars: We are here. We are waiting.

Mikaela Banes:
Sam... I have a record because I wouldn't turn my dad in. When have you ever had to sacrifice anything in your perfect little life?

Maggie:
[walks in the door] I'm sorry to bother you.

Glen Whitman:
But, uh-- Maggie.

Maggie:
Listen, I need your help.

Glen Whitman:
No! This is my private area, m-my place of Zen and peace.

Maggie:
Listen to me.

Glen's Grandmama:
[shouts from another room] GLEN!!!! WHO IS IT?!?!?!

Glen Whitman:
[turns to his grandmama] SHUT UP, GRANDMA!!!!!!!! [turns to Maggie] What are you doing here?!

Maggie:
Just give me a break, will you, please?

Glen Whitman:
[turns to his grandmama again] GRANDMAMA, DRINK YOUR PRUNE JUICE!!!!!!

Frenzy:
[after finding the AllSpark] AllSpark located.

Starscream:
[In fighter jet form] This is Starscream: all Decepticons, mobilize.

Barricade:
[In police car form, driving fast along city street] Barricade en-route.

Devastator:
[In tank form, flattens fence] Devastator reporting...

Bonecrusher:
[In mine sweeper form, driving through airbase] Bonecrusher rolling...

Blackout:
[In helicopter form, flying over desert] Blackout incoming... All hail Megatron!

Sam Witwicky:
[to Barricade in vehicle mode] Thank God you're here! I've had the worst day ever! I've been… I've been followed here on my mother's bike! Right? And my car's right there and it's been following me here! So get out of the car!