Two Seconds

The Warden:
All set?

Executioner:
Yes, sir.

The Warden:
Then we'll start the parade.

College Boy at Execution:
Look, Doctor, when that current's turned on, how long will it take before it's all over?

The Prison Doctor:
You mean before I'll pronounce him dead?

College Boy at Execution:
No, before he actually is dead. Will he pass out as soon as the current hits him?

The Prison Doctor:
No.

Reporter:
He won't? I thought it was all over just like that! [He snaps his finger]

The Prison Doctor:
Not with a powerful fellow like John Allen. His body will be paralyzed but his brain will continue to function for... maybe two seconds.

College Boy at Execution:
Gee, those'll be the longest two seconds he ever lived!

The Prison Doctor:
Long enough for him to relive his whole life!

Shirley Day:
[Getting ready to leave for the dance hall in a tight-fitting dress] Well, Big Boy, what do I look like now?

John Allen:
[Contemptuously] Just like what you are!

Shirley Day:
[Condescendingly to John] Here's a buck in case you run out of cigarettes or something.

Bud Clark:
There's only one thing we got think about: when we get our arms around a dame, how far can we go?

John Allen:
[Referring to Bud's racetrack winnings] Say, you ain't gonna blow him the whole 38?

Bud Clark:
Well, I sure am! You don't spend easy money fast, no more will ever come to you.

John Allen:
[to Bud] Yeah, now look here, anytime I take a dame out, she knows what it is to be out. I satisfy!