Under Wraps

Gilbert:
My mom collects antique dolls. That's perfectly normal. A lot of people collect dolls.

Amy:
Yeah, a lot of insane people.

Gilbert:
My mom's not insame.

Amy:
She takes her dolls to the movies.

Gilbert:
So? There's nothing wrong with that.

Amy:
She buys them popcorn.

Gilbert:
Once! She did that once!

Gilbert:
What does "celibate" mean?

Amy:
No chicks.

Gilbert:
Oh. I could never handle that.

Amy:
You'll get used to it.

Movie Molly:
Watch out there might be monsters in the living room.

Movie Ben:
Shut up Molly.

Amy:
Clogging? What is this, "Hee-Haw"?

Marshall:
Hey, it worked, didn't it?

Amy:
Yeah, but next time, think of an idea that makes you look like a dork.

Amy:
Get out of the way, Leonard. And take your blanket with you.

Leonard:
It's not a blanket, it's a rag! I carry it around in case I have to wipe up something.

Amy:
Oh, yeah, right, and I'm not wearing a bra, I'm wearing a bulletproof vest.

Gilbert:
You're wearing a bra?

Amy:
Oh, shut up.

Gilbert:
What should we call him?

Amy:
How about 'Mummy'?

Marshall:
How about Harold?

Amy:
Harold?

Marshall:
I don't know; he looks like my Uncle Harold.

Amy:
Geez, your aunt must be ready to open a vein!

Marshall:
Have you ever SEEN a dead person?

Amy:
Oh, yeah, I've got 'em lying around my basement in huge stacks. You know, you should come over some time; we use 'em to build big forts.

Amy:
Mrs. Anderson?

Gilbert's Mom:
Call me Esmerelda.

Amy:
Her name's not Esmerelda.

Gilbert:
She's role-playing; go with it.

Amy:
'Kay. Esmerelda?

Gilbert's Mom:
Yes?

Amy:
Marsh and I are going to get some ice cream. Can Gilbert come with us?

Gilbert's Mom:
Sure, just be back by 8:30.

Marshall:
[breaking into Kubat's basement] Geek.

Amy:
Loser. [light flashes] Car! [both duck down as a car passes]

Gilbert:
Wait a minute! If your mom's got the key, then how come we had to break into the basement?

Amy:
What fun is it to use a key?

Marshall:
Exactly.

Marshall:
He likes your hair.

Amy:
Must be my new conditioner. It attracts dead guys.

Todd:
Hey, Amy.

Amy:
I'm busy, Todd.

Todd:
Well, I know, but I was just.

Amy:
Uh Todd.

Todd:
Well I only. I was just wonder.

Amy:
Don't make me hurt you, Todd!

Todd:
Oh. OK. Sorry.

Amy:
He's got a big crush on me, but it's definitely not going to happen.

Marshall:
Why not?

Amy:
He saw that Olsen twins movie twice. I mean, how can you respect a guy like thtat?

Marshall:
I see your point.

Marshall:
I'm going to keep him.

Amy:
You can't keep him.

Marshall:
Well, we can't turn him in. They'll take him somewhere and experiment on him.

Gilbert:
What do you mean, experiment?

Marshall:
Cut him open, dissect him, pack him in formaldehyde.

Gilbert:
They will?

Marshall:
Of course, didn't you see "E.T."?

Amy:
So what movie are we going to see?

Marshall:
Warthead!

Gilbert:
You're crazy!

Amy:
You've seen it three times.

Marshall:
Four. And, you know, I learn more about the character every time.

Amy:
What's to learn? He's a monster. He eats people.

Marshall:
That is such a cultural stereotype.

Marshall:
Gilbert, it's a horror movie; what do you think happens? Horrible things!

Gilbert:
All right, I guess I juust don't like horror movies, I like nice happy movies, like "The Sound of Music".

Marshall:
You have got to be kidding.

Gilbert:
No it's great, there's singing and dancing, and Nazis. Well, the Nazis don't sing and dance, which would be great if they did. Anyway, Liesel, she's the oldest daughter... what a babe! Even when she's wearing those play clothes made from the curtains...

Gilbert:
Gilbert, you're starting to sound weird now!

Marshall:
Oh. OK.

Amy:
What did you see?

Gilbert:
A coffin, a big scary coffin!

Amy:
Oh, wow.

Marshall:
Cool!

Gilbert:
Yeah, REAL cool, especially when there's a hand sticking out of it!

Amy:
Oh, man!

Marshall:
Mr. Kubat must've killed somebody.

Marshall:
[to Harold] Most of my friends' parents are either divorced or they hate each other.

Amy:
He's dead.

Marshall:
Who?

Amy:
Mr. Kubat.

Marshall:
We just saw him last Saturday!

Amy:
You want your peaches?

Marshall:
When did he die?

Amy:
A couple days ago. The meter man was reading his water meter and saw him through the window, sprawled out on the floor, covered in pancake batter.

Gilbert:
Poor guy, killed by pancake batter.

Amy:
Hello? He had a heart attack moron, he just happened to be making pancakes at the time.

Gilbert:
Still, what a way to go. One minute you're making yourself a hearty, nutritious breakfast and then bingo, lights out.

Amy:
Hey, he was old, organs fail, these things happen. What about you? Are you eating your peaches?

Marshall:
Here, eat all the peaches! I don't know how you can stand these things anyway, they're as hard as bricks.

Amy:
You just suck on them a while and they're okay.

Amy:
[sarcastically] I don't wear pajamas, I sleep in the nude.

Gilbert:
[the kids hear the Mummy urinating in the next room] Wow, he had to go!