Underdog

Shoeshine/Underdog:
Ladies and gentlemen, this is Simon Barsinister, the wickedest man in the world. He was evil and crazy. Simon and his wacky henchmen, Cad, schemed to rule the universe. But each time, they were foiled by me, the greatest superhero who ever lived... Underdog!

Shoeshine/Underdog:
Excuse me, why do you people have pantyhose on your heads?

Shoeshine/Underdog:
Turns out, Barsinister didn't want me. He wanted my DNA. He took away my superpowers and put them in a little blue pill but that wasn't the worst of it.

Shoeshine/Underdog:
Right, talking dog will try to make things normal.

Shoeshine/Underdog:
But I doubt there was a ham tied to the capitol building.

Simon Barsinister:
It's okay. You all make mistakes. But I forgive you.That's the kind of person I am...humble.

Simon Barsinister:
Don't worry, it will only hurt a lot.

Simon Barsinister:
It should be me on the front page, not that stupid mutt. I need a sample of his DNA. How do you look in a dress?

Simon Barsinister:
Simon says: Surround the sad ex-cop. Simon says: Convince.

Simon Barsinister:
Shoeshine, isn't it? Or shall I address you by your nom de guerre, Underdog.

Simon Barsinister:
You know what the saddest part is? You thought they love you but they only love the power that I gave you.

Simon Barsinister:
I'll play your game but it'll be a stretch. Can you resist this? Simon says: Fetch.

Simon Barsinister:
I should've put strychnine in your chocolate milk months ago.

Cad:
I'll be the silent partner.

Cad:
Cad's hit. Cad's hit.

Cad:
I bought myself a thesaurus.

Jack Unger:
Shoeshine, I don't know if you can understand me right now, but forget about the past. It doesn't matter if you're Shoeshine or Underdog. Because I don't care if you can talk or fly. You brought my family back together. You're a hero to me.

Riff Raff:
Aah! Aahh! I'm naked!

Dan:
You gave my JV baseball sweater away to a superhero?!!

Simon Barsinister:
The serum.

Cad:
Doc, he's going through the door!

(Simon Barsinister closes the door but Shoeshine escapes)

Simon Barsinister:
It works.

Riff Raff:
Hey, runt, you lost? The name's Riff Raff.

Little Brown Dog:
He's Riff Raff.

Riff Raff:
I mark this territory.

Little Brown Dog:
Yeah, he marked it.

Shoeshine:
Look, I don't want any trouble.

Riff Raff:
Well, today's your lucky day, mutt. I'd rip you pieces but I don't want to get my paws dirty.

Bulldog:
Yeah, you're not worth his time, fleabag.

Little Brown Dog:
(laughing) Fleabag! Yes.

Riff Raff:
Get him!

Shoeshine:
Oh, my gosh, they're made of dog! Are you people crazy?!

Jack:
Shoeshine, come here. It's not real dog.

Shoeshine:
What is it, then?

Jack:
It's animal parts. You know, noses, hooves, intestines.

Shoeshine:
In that case, I'll take two.

Cad:
Do you think this thing will create us another superdog?

Simon Barsnister:
Why make one when I could create a plethora?

Cad:
That's a "P" word. I have it.

Simon Barsinister:
Just pick it up, you ape.

Riff Raff:
Hey, Speed Bump, you survived. Let me guess: you went to satellite instead of cable. (laughs)

Sweet Polly PureBred:
Put a muzzle on it.

Riff Raff:
What's the matter, runt? You let your girlfirend do the talking for you? Maybe you can't hear me. (barks at Shoeshine; to Sweet Polly PureBred) If you ever want to be with a real dog, give me a sniff.

Simon Barsinister:
You slack-jawed, mouth-breathing imbecile! I should have put strychnine in your chocolate milk months ago. Give me one good reason why I shouldn't dispose of you right now!

Cad:
I found this.

(Cad shows Underdog's collar)

Shoeshine:
Look, do anything to me. Just let them go.

Simon Barsinister:
Wise decision.

Molly:
You and your boss will never get away with this.

Cad:
He's not my boss! We're partners!

Molly:
Then why are YOU doing this?

Cad:
Because my partner said that he might fire me if I don't!

Shoeshine:
Can't we just work this out dog-to-dog?

Simon Barsinister:
They're not going to listen to you, Shoeshine. They're loyal to me.

Riff Raff:
Look who is is, it's Speed Bump.

Little Brown Dog:
You again?

Riff Raff:
Hey, runt, are you still hard of hearing?

Little Brown Dog:
Hello?

Riff Raff:
I told you to stay away.

Shoeshine:
Listen, I'm in a hurry! Don't mess with me!

Riff Raff:
He's just look like all little dogs. All bark, no bite.

Shoeshine:
I do not bite, yes that is true. But see what my bark will do to you.

Riff Raff:
Huh?

Little Brown Dog:
That's just bad rapping, dog.

(Shoeshine barks at Riff Raff and his fur is blown away)

Little Brown Dog:
Ooh, I didn't need to see that.

Bulldog:
Boss, you're so pink. It's very becoming.

Riff Raff:
Aahh! I'm naked! I'm naked!

Jack:
Neverseepeeplesniffeachother'sbutts.

Shoeshine:
Timshea.

Shoeshine:
Am I standing? I can`t feel my legs.

Jack:
You`re Bumbledog.

Shoeshine:
Hey-ey.? Whoa. No stripes. They make me look fat. Who am I supposed to be, Sherlock Bones?

Jack:
Count Dogula?

Shoeshine:
Okay, this is why dogs bite people.

Molly:
[after Underdog cuts the tie around her wrists] Huh? Underdog!

Underdog:
Uh, yeah, how many How many other flying dogs in red sweaters do you know?

Polly:
Underdog, I just knew you would come.

Underdog:
Quick, there's not much time. [to Molly] Take the vial to the police.

Molly:
You got it.

Underdog:
Don't drop it.

[Molly and Polly leaves the top of the Capital City State House while Underdog takes the bomb with him]

[As Underdog tumbles in space after the bomb exploded, an astronaut spots him]

Astronaut:
Houston, we have a beagle.

[Underdog tumbles back towards Earth. With his head out, he plummets down toward the planet, sizzling in the atmosphere like a meteor]

Underdog:
Ow! Ow! Ooh, hot! Ow, that burns! [yelling]

Polly:
…then Underdog ran out with the bomb and buried it farther than any bone has ever been buried!

Shoeshine:
Wow, sounds like I missed all the excitement.

Polly:
Oh, yeah, you did. Hey! What happened to your tail?

Shoeshine:
Oh, uh…

[Shoeshine sees his burnt tail wrapped in a bandage]

Shoeshine:
Yeah, it got burnt when I was reentering the atmosphere.

Polly:
[laughing] Oh, Shoeshine, Where do you come up With this stuff?

Woman:
[voiceover] Help! Somebody, please help me!

Shoeshine:
Excuse me a moment.

Polly:
Ha.

[closing lines]

Boy:
Look! Up in the sky!

Old Man:
It's a bird.

Woman:
It's a plane.

Man:
It's a frog!

Crowd:
A frog?!

Underdog:
Not a bird, nor a plane, nor even a frog. It's just little old me. Underdog!

Underdog:
You can put the doggy door there!

Underdog:
When old ladies in falling, I'm not slow, and it's a hip-hip-hip and away I go!

Underdog:
There's no need to worry, Underdog is furry! No, that's not it.

Underdog:
There's no need to fright, Underdog's got bite! Nope, that's not it either.

Underdog:
There's no need to fear, Underdog is here! Hey, that's pretty good. I think I'll keep that one.

Underdog:
[closing lines] Not a bird, nor a plane, nor even a frog. It's just little old me. Underdog!

Dr. Barsinister:
Simon says, "Lunch!"

Dr. Barsinister:
Simon says, "Attack."

Dr. Barsinister:
After him!

Dan:
What happened there?

Jack:
Dad, wait.

Dan:
No, Jack. Yeah, hang out.

Jack:
Dad, look, I can explain.

Dan:
Don't tell me the dog did it. Look, we'll talk about it later. I'm going to take that dog back to the pound.

Jack:
Dad, no! No, please. I want to keep him.

Dan:
You told me you didn't want the dog.

Jack:
Me? No way. I told you I've wanted a dog since I was, like, eight.

[whimpers]

Dan:
All right, but it's your responsibility. You got to feed it, brush it, walk it. You got to train it.

Jack:
Trust me, Dad. This dog will do things that will blow your mind.

Dan:
This better be chili.

[growls]

Barsinister:
Bad dogs!

Underdog:
There are no bad dogs, only bad owners. Don't worry, Doc. This will only hurt a lot.

Barsinister:
Do you actually think that you can stop me, runt?

Barsinister:
Look who they decided to send up, the hero idiot.

Dan:
I prefer the term "visionary".

Barsinister:
Oh!

Polly:
Where, oh, where, can my Underdog be?