Unhappily Ever After

Ryan Malloy:
My mom and my dad are great. They have two kids. The End.

Jennie Malloy:
Watch where you're pouring your sauce!

Jack Malloy:
If I had ever done that, we wouldn't be sitting here.

Ryan Malloy:
And who's the one with the big ears?

Ross Malloy:
Oh. I guess he's that English prince or something.

Ryan Malloy:
If that chick looks like a horse, why isn't he riding her? [screaming at the TV] Prince! If she looks like a horse, use her as horse!

Ross Malloy:
Amen, brother.

Ryan Malloy:
Honestly.

Ryan Malloy:
It's great to be president! You can get all the chicks. I wonder if Clinton found that out already.

Ryan Malloy:
Wait, I know this guy.

[Jack looks at him, wearing glasses] That's Clark Kent!

Tiffany Malloy:
Look what I got.

Ryan Malloy:
What is it? What is it?

Tiffany Malloy:
My college formula.

Ryan Malloy:
Aaw, I thought it was ice cream.

Ryan Malloy:
Mild mannored Ryan was sitting in the rain, he got struck by lightening, and now he's still the same. He's lightening boy!

Mr. Floppy:
Kiss my cottontail!

Jack Malloy:
[while helping Ross with his homework] OK, let's see that map. Here's California.

Jennie Malloy:
And here's New York over here.

Jack Malloy:
What's all that in between?

Jennie Malloy:
The reason "Touched By An Angel" is a hit.

Ryan Malloy:
[reading a noted that says, "I know what you did in 1988"] They know what I did a hundred years ago?

[there is a note on the fridge]

Tiffany Malloy:
Hey, Ryan, what does that thing say?

Ryan Malloy:
[looks back at the fridge] Arr! Arr! I'm a refrigerator, I'm big and cold!

Mr. Floppy:
You know, Jack, you had everything you ever wanted; money, power, the love and pride of your children, and you gave it all up for me. You ARE a loser, Jack!

Jack Malloy:
[smiles] At least I have a friend.

Jack Malloy:
[singing] I married young, because of Cupid.

Mr. Floppy:
[singing] And had three kids, but you were stupid.

Jack Malloy:
I could've been rich... [shrugs and smiles] instead, I'm a loser.

Mr. Floppy:
But at least we're happy, 'cause you're a boozer.

Jack Malloy:
Now, I'm alone.

Mr. Floppy:
Come rain or sunny.

Jack Malloy:
But who needs love?

Jack Malloy, Mr. Floppy:
I've got my bunny!

Mr. Floppy:
[his first words] Jack, you're a loser.

Jack Malloy:
Huh?

Mr. Floppy:
I said a loser. What part of that didn't you understand?

[long pause]

Jack Malloy:
So, you're talking, Mr. Floppy?

[Mr. Floppy nods]

Jack Malloy:
Gee, it didn't take me long to lose my mind. Now, did it?