Vacancy

Amy Fox:
I'm sleeping in my clothes tonight.

David Fox:
I'm sleeping in my shoes.

Mason:
You f***ed it all up.

David Fox:
[on observing a snuff movie] I bet this gets the honeymooners in the mood.

Amy Fox:
[about the room] We've had our tetanus shots... right?

David Fox:
[having seen a snuff movie] At least they could've provided us with a little bit of porn.

David Fox:
[on the tapes] This looks like a library of classics.

Mason:
Rules are rules. I don't make them, I'm just the manager.

Mason:
[pointing to Motel room] It's right there in the corner number 4. You might have to jiggle the handle a little bit to open her up, she's as sticky as an old whore.

[first lines]

David Fox:
[after swerving while driving] Son of a b*tch!

Amy Fox:
What are you doing?

David Fox:
It was a goddamn raccoon in the middle of the road!

Amy Fox:
Well, better to kill us than get a little roadkill on the car, huh?

David Fox:
Well, we're still alive. I can tell by the pissy look that you're giving me.

David Fox:
Boy, you were really dreaming over there earlier. You were mumbling, jerking around.

Amy Fox:
I dreamt you were trying to kill me. We were at my parents anniversary party and my mother wouldn't stop talking. You started screaming you couldn't take it anymore, and then you tried to strangle me.

David Fox:
Hey, at least you were dreaming about me, right? That's kind of an improvement.

David Fox:
[after Amy accidentally cuts her finger while cutting into an apple] You okay? I keep telling you how stupid that is to do that. You ought to just kind of bite into the apple like the rest of the world.

Amy Fox:
It hurts my teeth.

David Fox:
As bad as cutting your finger off?

Amy Fox:
Why didn't you just stay on the interstate?

David Fox:
I don't know. I guess I just wanted to make this as miserable as possible, you know? See just how big a b*tch you'd be about it.

David Fox:
[driving to gas station] Do you think they're closed?

Amy Fox:
Since 1957.

David Fox:
That's too bad, because they've got good gas prices.

Mechanic:
[after inspecting car] The fan blade's bent. Rock must've hit it. Yeah, she'll drive fine just noisy, that's all. You might want to have someone smarter than me take a look at it when you get where you're going, though.

David Fox:
I'll do that, thanks. So now what do I owe you?

Mechanic:
Oh, no, nothing. No, we're good. Hell, I should pay you for finally giving me something to do.

Mechanic:
Every day's the fourth of July at Small's!

[lights up sparkler]

Mechanic:
Owner makes me say that.

David Fox:
So how far back was the gas station?

Amy Fox:
I don't know, about a mile. Kind of a long walk in the middle of the night.

David Fox:
Yeah, I mean I guess we could just sit here and hope some idiots like us come along and give us a hand, huh?

Amy Fox:
I didn't get us lost.

David Fox:
No, you slept for three hundred miles, thanks to your Zoloft-Prozac cocktail.

[Amy flicks her middle finger at David]

David Fox:
Never see stars anymore. At least not in L.A. It's kind of nice out here, really. I bet Charlie would've liked it.

Amy Fox:
Well you should've brought us sometime. We never went anywhere; the job was always too important to leave.

David Fox:
Why do you do that?

Amy Fox:
Do what?

David Fox:
Every time I mention his name you take a shot at me.

Amy Fox:
Well stop mentioning his name!

David Fox:
Well you see, I'm not like you Amy. I'd rather just kind of remember him and deal with the pain.

Mason:
Hey folks. How can I help you?

David Fox:
[hearing screaming coming from the office] Everything, uh, okay back there?

Mason:
Oh!

[Mason walks back to the office and turns off tape]

Mason:
Sorry. Things get a little boring around here late nights!

David Fox:
Yeah, we'll go ahead and stay here. Thanks.

Mason:
I'll give you two the honeymoon suite, for five dollars extra. It's got a few perks that the others don't.

Amy Fox:
Regular room will be fine, thank you.

Mason:
What the heck, I'll give it to you for the same rate.

David Fox:
I guess it could be worse, you know. We could be stuck in that twin bed at your folk's house, trying to pretend like we're a happy couple.

Amy Fox:
God, I should've told my mom about us.

David Fox:
Why ruin their party though? I think the thing to do is just tell them after we've signed the papers. It felt really strange to be at that party. Watching them all, celebrate being together all those years. How'd it make you feel?

Amy Fox:
I don't know. Tired.

David Fox:
I'm sorry. Never should've gotten off the interstate, either.

Amy Fox:
Miss our last one great adventure together?

David Fox:
[getting fed up from the noise next door] Why don't you open the door?

[David continues to knock but no one answers]

David Fox:
Want to play some games? I'll play some f***ing games with you.

Mason:
Everything alright, Mr. Fox?

David Fox:
Uh, no, because the a**hole in the room right beside us keeps banging on the walls and won't stop. You got any ideas?

Mason:
The room beside you?

David Fox:
Yeah, room 3. Uh, I go over there to talk with the guy to try to get him to stop, but he just kind of keeps doing it. So, uh, I gotta say I don't know what his problem is.

Mason:
It's very strange, seeing as you folks are the only guests I've got in here tonight.

David Fox:
Well, somebody's in there, okay, and I gotta say I'm pretty exhausted.

Mason:
You sure it's room 3?

David Fox:
Yeah. We're in the corner, right? Number 4? Well, it's the room right besides us with the big rusty 3 on it!

David Fox:
[to Amy] You gotta take advantage of the perks. It's worth the extra five bucks.

Amy Fox:
Oh god!

David Fox:
What is it?

Amy Fox:
The bathroom's disgusting!

Amy Fox:
[watching snuff film] Is that this room?

David Fox:
It sure looks like it.

Amy Fox:
Please, David, don't go out there!

David Fox:
Look, if we stay here, we're going to wind up like all of them.

Mason:
911 Emergency?

David Fox:
Yeah, hello. We need some help. Some people are trying to kill us.

Mason:
Where are you located, sir?

David Fox:
Me and my wife, we're at this motel, the Pinewood Motel. It's near the mountains. They've got us trapped.

Mason:
Who has you trapped, sir?

David Fox:
I don't know. We just need help. The Pinewood Motel.

Mason:
Yes, sir. Do you have an address?

David Fox:
No! It's near some woods. Jesus Christ, look it up!

Mason:
You're going to need to settle down, sir. You'll never survive if you lose control, Mr. Fox.

[David realizes he's talking to Mason]

Mason:
You shouldn't be wandering around in the dark by yourself.

Amy Fox:
Why are they doing this?

David Fox:
They might be enjoying themselves.

Mason:
They're under us!