Vegas Vacation

Rusty:
I put a dollar in, I got a car. I put a dollar in, I got a car. I put a dollar in, I got a car. I put a dollar in, I got a car.

Clark Griswold:
How did you win four cars?

Rusty:
You know, put in a dollar, win a car. Put in another dollar, win another car...

Clark Griswold:
Give me the keys. Audrey, you drive the white one; Ellen, the red one

Clark Griswold:
, Rusty, you drive the Mustang, and I'll drive the big, black one

Clark Griswold:
. After you, Mr. Papagiorgio.

Rusty:
Isn't there legalized prostitution in Vegas?

Cousin Eddie:
I haven't seen a beatin' like that since somebody stuck a banana in my pants and turned a monkey loose.

Clark Griswold:
Thanks for the pick me up Eddie.

Rusty:
Holy crap, Wayne Newton's hittin' on Mom!

Clark Griswold:
It's all part of the act, Russ.

Wayne Newton:
You got a lovely wife, Clark.

Clark Griswold:
Yes, that's why I entered into the sacred bonds of marriage with her.

Cousin Eddie:
It is a blazer out there. You're lucky you got air conditioning in here like mother nature intended.

Clark Griswold:
Eddie, has anyone ever told you you're bad luck?

Cousin Eddie:
Those were my mother's dying words. But I guess if your body's covered in third degree burns, and your foot's caught in a bear trap, you tend to start talkin' crazy.

Rusty:
Can't you just wrap me up in a blanket and roll me across the bed again?

Rusty:
So I says to him, I said "Get your own monkey!"

Clark Griswold:
Where the hell is the damn dam tour?

Hoover Dam Guide:
I am your dam guide, Arnie, please don't wander off the dam tour and please take all the dam pictures you want. Now are there any dam questions?

Cousin Eddie:
Yeah, where can I get some damn bait?

Clark Griswold:
Twenty.

Marty:
Twenty. It's a push!

Clark Griswold:
Hey, its a tie! I didn't lose!

Marty:
That's it, Griswold! Now you're freakin' dead!

Marty:
Read it, Griswold, that sign isn't there to hold the table down.

Clark Griswold:
What can I do with five dollars?

Marty:
Buy a bullet, and rent a gun?

Wayne Newton:
Ellen, I've always been a moral man. But my resolve is melting in the light of your blinding smile.

Ellen Griswold:
Um, maybe you're just hungry, would you like some more pasta?

Clark Griswold:
I've lost three hundred dollars in fifteen minutes?

Ellen:
Clark. Are you feeling lucky tonight, Sparky?

Clark:
Not right now, honey. They're teaching me baccarat.

Clark:
Here, make the seats good.

[begins pouring coins into the Maitre d's hand]

Maitre d' :
No...gratuity...necessary, sir. Right this way.

Jilly:
Kid, you made me a lot of money tonight. Hey, you like gettin' massages?

Rusty:
By who?

Jilly:
[sarcastically] By who...by me. Meet me in the spa tomorrow at 10 o'clock.

Clark:
You need any help with the grill, Eddie?

Eddie:
No thanks, Clark. Don't have one. [throws chicken onto a rock]

Audrey:
OK, what happened to you last night?

Rusty:
[giggles]

[Audrey and Rusty sit down to breakfast]

Audrey:
Coffee

Rusty:
Me, too.

Ellen:
Make it three.

Clark:
[to waitress] Four coffees it is.

Clark:
Kids!

Audrey:
Daddy, don't shout.

Clark:
What do you say we each have an 'alone day', where each of us can go out and explore the city of Las Vegas in their own way.

Ellen:
Clark, I don't think that's such a good...

Rusty:
Thanks

Audrey:
See, ya.

Clark:
Don't worry, honey. You're gonna love it. See ya.

Security:
Have you seen a guy named Nick Papagiorgio?

Clark:
Yes, he took my wallet. He's over there.

[at Club Areola]

Security:
Your usual table, Mr. Papagiorgio?

Rusty:
Not today, Jimmy.

Clark:
You're in deep trouble, my friend.

Ellen:
Clark. Are we lost?

Rusty:
Yeah, dad. What block are we on?

Clark:
Very funny, Rus.

Rusty:
I wanna gamble.

Clark:
Russell. I never want to hear those words come out of your mouth again. Gambling is a very serious business.

Clark Griswold:
That's nothing, it's a...birthmark.

Clark Griswold:
Hard six coming out.

Clark Griswold:
It's my long-life food preservative. The FDA finally approved it!

Clark Griswold:
Eddie, This is great! They don't have any of these games at the Mirage.

Clark Griswold:
His name is not Papagiorgio. His name is Rusty Griswold and he's a C+ student!

Clark Griswold:
Don't think unnatural thoughts about your cousin, Rus.

Clark Griswold:
...and he want's to enter that garden, with a knowledge, and a mulch...

Clark Griswold:
Oh, Keno! This is easy.

Clark Griswold:
My pen burst. (after hotel employee notices Clark's arm is blue from falling in the plane's toilet)

Ellen Griswold:
(after an attempt to have sex with Clark in the bathroom goes horribly wrong) I'll never fly again.

Ellen Griswold:
Clark, this is a family trip. Can you try to stay with the family.

Ellen Griswold:
Could be worse...you could be pregnant again.

Ellen Griswold:
You find the Clark Griswold that I married and you tell him that I'm at the Mirage!

Ellen Griswold:
I love what you've done with the kitchenette.

Ellen Griswold:
Well, I don't know what you would do with your horses, because, Clark likes to use the garage for the cars and the lawn mower.

Ellen Griswold:
I've got news for you Clark. I haven't said yes, yet.

Rusty Griswold:
Couldn't you just roll us around on the bed again.

Rusty Griswold:
Who would have thought my sister had the legs of a thoroughbred. Am I right?

Rusty Griswold:
It's expensive having an entourage.

Rusty Griswold:
Security: "No corrective lenses tonight Mr Papagiorgio?" Rusty: "No sir, I do not require them."

Rusty Griswold:
Holy crap, Wayne Newton's hittin' on mom!

Cousin Eddie:
Clark, have you ever tried to swim with the dolphins?

Cousin Eddie:
[to Wayne Newton] Do you need a bodyguard? I'd die for you!

Cousin Eddie:
Aw, she's got her mother's looks and her daddy's sense of balance.

Cousin Eddie:
My garden's spittin' out 50-lb tomatoes.

Cousin Eddie:
Hey, kids. Round-up time!

Cousin Eddie:
Oh, yeah. That's from when I sold my kidney. I figured with all the advancements in modern science, I'd better sell it while someone still wanted to buy it. Smartest thing I ever did, Clark.

Cousin Eddie:
Ahh Uban Coffee you know you can sprinkle that stuff on anything, ice cream, mashed potatoes or just eat it straight out of the can for a quick pick me up.

Cousin Eddie:
Don't worry, he's with me.

Cousin Eddie:
It's a bust, Las Vegas fun police, hand over your chips. ha ha ha ha

Cousin Eddie:
I gotta warn ya Clark – they don’t play the same games that they do at them regular casinos

Cousin Vicki:
Lord is my witness, I hate this heat! If it isn't gluing your butt to the truck seat it's making you sweat like a farm animal!

Cousin Vicki:
In this world, you’re either up on the stage in the spotlight, or down in the pit serving drinks

Cousin Vicki:
Honey, these boys ain't much to talk to, but, if you want a night away from your cat... they're more than fine.

Jilly - That's it, kid. Now all we have to do is teach you how to dress.

Roy - What a great audience.