Weekend at Bernie's

Richard Parker:
Well, you're a half hour late.

Larry Wilson:
Only half hour? I'm usually forty-five minutes late. I'm early today.

Richard Parker:
This is the note. Listen. "Richard Parker and I stole this money from the company to pay for my sex-change operation."

Larry Wilson:
What?

Richard Parker:
That's what it says.

Larry Wilson:
"Now he tells me he loves someone else. I can't live with that, and niether will he." It's got my name written on it!

Richard Parker:
Oh God.

Larry Wilson:
Son of a b*tch. I mean, it's not bad enough that he's trying to kill me. Now he's trying to turn me into a drag queen. Why couldn't he have said you were going to have the operation?

Richard Parker:
It doesn't matter, Larry, it doesn't matter.

Larry Wilson:
Oh, yes it does matter, Richard, it does matter. I have a reputation to protect here!

Richard Parker:
For Christ's sake, Larry! No one is going to have a sex-change operation, huh?

Larry Wilson:
Oh yeah. I've gotta call the cops!

Mugger:
Give me all your money and your wallets.

Larry Wilson:
Aw, get your ass outta here, it's too hot!

Larry Wilson:
What kind of a host invites you to his house for the weekend and dies on you?

Larry Wilson:
Why don't we just pretend he didn't die? Just for a bit!

Larry Wilson:
No, Harris! Why don't you turn up the heat?

Larry Wilson:
We could call the cops, Richard, but you know where we'd be spending our weekend. In some... goddamned hot police station answering questions we don't know the answers to.

Larry Wilson:
How do you like that? The guy gets laid more times dead than I do alive.

Larry Wilson:
God, that guy; beautiful apartment, house at the beach, babes, boat, car. Do you know how much it costs to park a car in Manhattan every month? More than my rent.

Richard Parker:
Well, I mean it's only fair. His car is a bit bigger than your apartment.

Larry Wilson:
You're gonna need my apartment.

Richard Parker:
Oh no, I couldn't do that to you.

Larry Wilson:
Rich, if she finds out you live with your parents you're gonna embarras yourself.

Richard Parker:
Yeah I know. But still, I just... couldn't.

Larry Wilson:
It's the coackroaches isn't it?

Richard Parker:
Well...

Larry Wilson:
They scatter when the light goes on.

Larry Wilson:
"A little brown-nosing, a little ass-kissing, work our way up that corporate ladder?" WHY can't you be a lazy sh*t like I am?

Larry Wilson:
Why are you shooting us? We're just friends of Bernie's.

Paulie, Vito's Hit Man:
I hate... Bernie's friends!