What's Happening!!

[From episode:
From Here to Maternity]

Mama:
You gonna feed it?

Dwayne Nelson:
Uh-Huh.

Mama:
And burp it?

Dwayne Nelson:
Uh-Huh.

Mama:
And change it?

Dwayne Nelson:
NUH-HUH!

Dwayne Nelson:
Hey HEY, hey!

Fred 'Rerun' Stubbs:
What's Happening!

Mama:
Roger... give me your belt...

Mama:
This is true...

Fred 'Rerun' Stubbs:
[makes joke and laughs]

Dee Thomas:
That's funny!

Fred 'Rerun' Stubbs:
Of course it is!

Dee Thomas:
No, I mean the way your belly shakes when you laugh!

Dwayne Nelson:
[enters and slams door] "Hey HEY, hey!"

Dee Thomas:
Don't you see me studying? Why can't you come in like a gentleman?

Dwayne Nelson:
[exits, returns, checks clothes and hair. Marches over like a 'gentleman'] "Hey. Hey. Hey."

Roger Thomas:
Maria, would you like to dance?

Maria:
I don't know any of your dancing.

Roger Thomas:
Just stick with me. [begins dancing irratically, poorly to music]

Maria:
What do you call this dance?

Dee Thomas:
The "Funky Clutz!"

Fred 'Rerun' Stubbs:
Ralph represents all that which is good, and pure - Ralph is a head... of lettuce.

Roger Thomas:
You worship a HEAD OF LETTUCE?

Fred 'Rerun' Stubbs:
I can't help it if I'm fat! It runs in my family.

Dee Thomas:
Nobody runs in your family... they all waddle!

Roger Thomas:
[on phone] Hello, is this the Doobie Brothers? Which Doobie you be?

Shirley Wilson:
Okay, Raj, that'll be ninety-five cents please.

Roger Thomas:
Here's a dollar and you can keep the change.

Shirley Wilson:
Oh, Raj gave me a nickel! Not four pennies but a nickel! Raj gave the kid a nickel!

Roger Thomas:
Here's an extra dime.

Shirley Wilson:
Thank you very much there.

[Dwayne hangs Rerun's pants over his IV bag]

Fred 'Rerun' Stubbs:
Dwayne, you hung my pants on my dinner.

[Dwayne looks confused but says nothing]

Roger Thomas:
See this here tube, it goes straight down to Rerun's arm.

Dwayne Nelson:
You mean they're feeding his arm? Does his mouth know about that?

[Raj is pretending to be ill with memory loss for a practical joke on Dee]

Roger Thomas:
I'm just going to go feed the cat...

Dee Thomas:
We don't have a cat.

Roger Thomas:
We don't? But what happened to the cat?

Dee Thomas:
We never *had* a cat!

Roger Thomas:
Then what's that playing in the bathtub with the pony?

Dee Thomas:
Oh, *Raj*.

Roger Thomas:
I'm going to go turn in.

Dee Thomas:
Okay, say hi to the pony for me.

Roger Thomas:
I will. You're such a nice little boy.

Mabel 'Mama' Thomas:
Stay out of the kitchen, Rerun!

[after Raj, Dwayne, Rerun, and Dee learn about bootlegging, Rerun opts out on recording the Doobie Brothers concert, but Al Dunbar refuses when Rerun tells the gang after he wasn't supposed to. Al, his goon Bruno, and the gang are at Rob's Place]

Al Dunbar:
[angry to Rerun] Uh-uh, uh-uh. Now look, there ain't no way that you are gonna back out of this, "Fathead"!

Roger 'Raj' Thomas:
[In a man's voice] Now LISTEN! I will blow the whistle on this whole operation. I am with the press.

Al Dunbar:
Oh, yeah? What paper?

Roger 'Raj' Thomas:
[under his breath] The Jefferson High Gazette.

Al Dunbar:
The who?

Roger 'Raj' Thomas:
[normal voice; nervous] The Jefferson High School Gazette.

Al Dunbar:
Boy, you better sit down and pay attention.

Roger 'Raj' Thomas:
Yes, sir.

Al Dunbar:
Now look, since your "friend" opened up his big mouth, you are all, all of you, in this together.

Dwayne Nelson:
[defiant] UH-UH!

Bruno:
What did you say?

Dwayne Nelson:
[relents himself] Uh-huh.

Al Dunbar:
[to Dwayne] Now, uh, first, now you, you turn the, uh, recorder on and off, right? [then to Raj] And you...

Roger 'Raj' Thomas:
Uh, Mr. Dunbar, we really can't do this.

Al Dunbar:
[frustrated] Okay, kids, if you really can't do it, it's... it's fine with me. But see, you're gonna have to tell brother Bruno here he's not gonna get paid.

Roger 'Raj' Thomas:
Um, brother Bruno, would you please pull up a chair so I can talk to you?

Bruno:
Sure.

[Bruno rips out a "greasy spoon" from the counter, convincing the three to "bootleg" the concert]

Roger 'Raj' Thomas:
You said I push this for "Record", right?

Al Dunbar:
Yeah, that's right.

[Raj, Dwayne, and Rerun are caught by members of the Doobie Brothers for "bootlegging" the concert and faces the inevitable]

Patrick Simmons:
[disappointed] I thought you guys were our friends.

Michael McDonald:
How could you guys do this to us?

Freddie 'Rerun' Stubbs:
I'm sorry. We were forced. A guy gave us the recorder, money, and great seats.

Dee Thomas:
He really twisted your arm.

Dwayne Nelson:
Are we gonna go to jail?

John Hartman:
Man, how do I know? What would you do if you were in our shoes?

Freddie 'Rerun' Stubbs:
Well, I'd just send us home and laugh it off.

[Rerun, then Dwayne and Raj laughs, but members of the Doobie Brothers don't]

Bobby La Kind:
It's not funny.

[cont. from the first quote]

Roger 'Raj' Thomas:
I didn't think so, either. Look, we really were forced. They said if we didn't do it, they'd hurt us.

Bobby La Kind:
Hey, you expect us to believe that?

Dee Thomas:
Look, he may be dumb, but he doesn't lie.

Keith Knudsen:
What his name, Al Dunbar by any chance?

Roger 'Raj' Thomas:
Yeah. How do you know?

Jeffrey Baxter:
He was the lowlife that recorded our concert in St. Louis.

Tiran Porter:
Yeah, and our L.A. concert.

Roger 'Raj' Thomas:
And moving up on the charts is the Jefferson High concert, number 40 with three bullets.

[Al and Bruno make a big break for the door to exit Rob's, but are held back by Keith Kundsen, Tiran Porter, and Michael McDonald]

Keith Knudsen, Tiran Porter, Michael McDonald:
[greets the two] Hey, Al Dunbar!

Al Dunbar:
[near embarressed] How you doing?

[Keith, Tiran, and Michael chatter amongst them as Al and Bruno makes a second escape through the back room, but are met by Pat Simmons and Bobby LaKind]

Patrick Simmons:
[happily greets them] Mr. Dunbar! Whoo!

[With more chattering from many of the members and the cheering from the studio audience, Al and Bruno make one last attempt to escape though the bathroom, but all too late are they met by Jeff "Skunk" Baxter, John Hartman, and an LAPD officer; Al and Bruno surrenders to the police]

Jeffrey Baxter:
[cheers] Hey, the mystery producer!

LAPD Officer:
[snatches the recorder, then hands it to the band] We'll take care of him now. Here's your tape.

Patrick Simmons:
Listen to this thing.

Jeffrey Baxter:
Yeah, I hear this is a real good band.

Tiran Porter:
Yeah.

[Expecting to hear music from the concert, they instead hear sounds of Rerun munching on popcorn]

The Doobie Brothers:
Wha-what's that?

Freddie 'Rerun' Stubbs:
Popcorn!

The Doobie Brothers:
[shocked] Popcorn?

Al Dunbar:
[horrified] Popcorn?

Freddie 'Rerun' Stubbs:
Yeah, it would've been quieter, but I forgot the butter.

Al Dunbar:
[humiliated] You mean to tell me I'm going to jail for a long time, and all I've got to show for it is a tape of a fat kid eating popcorn?

Freddie 'Rerun' Stubbs:
Wait a minute. There's more music on there.

[a recording of "Fly Me to the Moon", sung by Raj, Rerun, and Dwayne, is next heard. Raj and the gang join in as the cop takes Al and Bruno away. The Doobies happily praises them for their success as "It Keeps You Runnin'" is played on the jukebox]

Diner Bystander:
[Dwayne is about to have a fight] Teach him a lesson, Dwayne!

Darryl:
Yeah, Dwayne! "Teach me a lesson!"

Shirley Wilson:
You wanna a lesson, Sucka? School is open!

Roger Thomas:
Mama home?

Dee Thomas:
[On phone] My brother just got home, Robyn.

[Puts down phone]

Dee Thomas:
What is the matter with you? You don't just walk and scream "Is Mama Home?". Look, when you enter a house, and you see someone on the phone, you don't just scream "Is Mama home?" You WAIT until the person gets off the phone and you politely ask if Mama's home.

[back on phone]

Dee Thomas:
Sorry Robyn, I had to teach my brother some new manners.

[Shirley's sister showed up pregnant]

Shirley Wilson:
What happened?

Dwayne Nelson:
Don't look at me. I just got here.

Fred 'Rerun' Stubbs:
Tampa Bay is going to beat Oakland in the game tonight. They're going to win big!

Ike:
It might just be worth a bet.

Fred 'Rerun' Stubbs:
You can put your house on this one.

Ike:
I don't own a house.

Fred 'Rerun' Stubbs:
Stick with me and you will!

Ike:
No, you ARE a house!

Ike:
I don't need a fat swami for tonight's game, everyone knows Oakland is going to kill Tampa Bay.

Fred 'Rerun' Stubbs:
Not according to my system, I'm predicting an upset - Tampa Bay 10, Oakland 7.

Ike:
You're out of your fat mind!

Ike:
Look, keep your eye on the bedroom door and if Donna comes out, give me a signal.

Fred 'Rerun' Stubbs:
Right, I'll stomp on the floor three times.

Ike:
No, I said a signal, not an avalanche!

Gary:
[Rerun was hired for the Rockets] Tell him to be here at 3.

Dwayne Nelson:
Uh-huh.

Gary:
And tell him from now on his name is 'Fat Freddy Stubby'!

Dwayne Nelson:
NUH-HUH!

Roger Thomas:
You know, Rerun, if I were Gladys Knight, I'd fire those three guys and hire you as one huge pip. [laughs] [Mama comes in]

Dee Thomas:
Yeah, and you can record for Multown Records.

Mama:
There'll be no more fat jokes in this house!

Dee Thomas:
Yeah, I'm getting sick of them!

Roger Thomas:
Be quiet, Dee!

Dee Thomas:
Did you hear what he said, Mama?

Mama:
Yes, I heard.

Dee Thomas:
Good.

Mama:
And I agree with it.

Dee Thomas:
Me too. See ya! [goes upstairs]

Judy Crane:
[on going back to jail] I can't stand another year locked up.

Dee Thomas:
It's better to be locked up for one year than messed up for the rest of your life.

Freddie 'Rerun' Stubbs:
Maybe they'll let Dee go if they have another hostage, ask if they'll take a teenage boy instead.

Police Officer:
Well that's mighty brave of you, son!

Freddie 'Rerun' Stubbs:
Thanks. Good luck Dwayne!

Dwayne Nelson:
No way!

Freddie 'Rerun' Stubbs:
Ralph is not a man. Ralph is a head of lettuce.

Roger 'Raj' Thomas:
You worship a head of lettuce?

Darlene:
You should have seen Rerun during the football game, he was all over the field!

Shirley:
Yeah? What did he do, lie down on it?

Roger Thomas:
[Raj and Dwayne draw football plays to help Rerun and Dee draws a big 'O' on the easel] Dee, what is that?

Dee Thomas:
You forgot Rerun.

Dee Thomas:
[Raj and Dwayne are writing down football play to teach to Rerun] What's this 'OX OX OX'?

Roger Thomas:
It's not 'OX OX OX', this is the diaphram of a football play. We're trying to help Rerun understand them.

Dee Thomas:
Then you made a mistake. [Takes marker and draws a huge 'O']

Roger Thomas:
Dee, what is that?

Dee Thomas:
You forgot Rerun.

Dee Thomas:
Ooh, you're gonna get it!

Roger Thomas:
Shut your face!

Mama:
Don't you talk to your sister like that!

Dee Thomas:
Yeah, don't you talk to your sister like that!

Mama:
Shut your face!

Miss Collins:
[In English class] Now class, Shakespeare's theatre was called the Globe Theatre. And speaking of globes, Rerun.....

Girl:
[slow dancing with Raj] Quit blowing in my ear!

Roger 'Raj' Thomas:
I'm not blowing in your ear.

Girl:
Oh, could that be your "Brave Bull" cologne?

Roger 'Raj' Thomas:
Ahh, you recognized it!

Roger 'Raj' Thomas:
I have a nose for bull...

Betty Wilson:
[at a party, lights turned down] What are you doin'?

Boy in Dark:
Well if you're asking, I probably ain't doin' it.

Mama:
Roger... Give me your belt.

Roger Thomas:
These are my new pants, Mama. I'm not wearing one.

Fred 'Rerun' Stubbs:
Here Mrs. Thomas, you can use mine.

Mama:
Good lord, Rerun... I want to whip him, not HANG him! [everybody laughs except Raj]

Judge Miriam Lubash:
[Raj is presenting evidence in court and rambling on with irrelevant information] Mr. Thomas, this is a night court; we'd like to get done before morning.

Dwayne Nelson:
If I had $175, you know what I'd get?

Fred 'Rerun' Stubbs:
Mugged... By me.

Dee:
Oooooh! You gon get it Raj!

Raj:
Why don't you shut yo face!

Mabel:
Boy don't you talk to yo sister like that!

Dee:
Yea don't talk to me like that!

Mabel:
Why don't you shut yo face!