What I Like About You

Holly:
What?

Val:
Your shirt.

Holly:
What about it?

Val:
You need one!

Holly:
It's the style, it's supposed to be this way

Val:
How about you start a new trend. Throw a big sweater over that and call it the 'I'm not naked' look!

Gary:
What did you eat?

Holly:
I think it must have been the soup

Gary:
Was it cream of IBop?

Holly:
Alright, yes, it came, I love it and it's mine!

Gary:
But you said I could have it

Holly:
Well that was before I fell in love with it, and I love it Gary. I love it like a little tiny child!

Val:
What about this one? 'The Bazooka'. Tell me about 'The Bazooka'!

Holly:
Excellent choice! I used that once in 9th Grade on Lisa Gurt. They say on quiet days you can still hear her crying!

[after Val just kissed a guy Holly liked]

Holly:
You don't understand I'm devastated!

Val:
I know and yes I understand...

Holly:
Devastated!

[after chasing Holly into the mens room]

Val:
Oh, this is so not the place for open-toed shoes

Gary:
Either you've got a lobster problem or that's one freaky cockroach

Holly:
If anything goes wrong... blame the red-headed kid

Val:
Why?

Holly:
Look at him, he's guilty of something

[after Holly and Val have given her their old bear]

Josy:
He smells funny... I'm gonna name him Stinky Bear!

[repeated line]

Gary:
Oh my Damn!

Tina Haven:
Sometimes friends do really stupid things.

Holly:
Especially if they're bummed because they just got broken up with and are vulnerable, and not thinking straight, and are maybe just a little bit slutty.

Tina Haven:
Oh you know me so well.

[hug]

Val:
What about me?

Holly:
[hugs Val] Oh, you're slutty too.

Todd:
Okay, I think my work here is done.

Val:
Oh thank god.

Todd:
You can call me Todd.

Val:
Eww.

Holly:
Went to college party, didn't drink, got stuck with a guy in the bathroom, nothing happened, Gary's pants, night.

Val:
Hold on. College party?

Holly:
Didn't drink.

Val:
Guy in bathroom?

Holly:
Nothing happened.

Val:
Who's pants?

Holly:
Gary's.

Val:
We'll talk more in the morning.

Holly:
Why are you doing this? I don't go to Chucky Cheese and ruin your dates!

Gary:
Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen?

Vince:
I don't think that's three names - or legal.

Gary:
Not for another 248 days.

Tina Haven:
You can kiss in a dream and it doesn't mean anything. You can have sex in a dream and it doesn't mean anything. You know, you can have sex in real life and it still wouldn't mean anything. Remember that for the future.

Holly:
What happened to my overprotective, in-my-face sister who wouldn't let me play Ms. Pac-Man because she thought that she made "bad choices"?

Gary:
I never told anyone that you wrote a fan letter to Celine Dion!

Vince:
[shouts] Hey, Celine Dion is excellent and you told everyone!

Val:
What the hell is that?

Lauren:
Something old, something new, something borrowed, something eww!

Val:
Me never wants to "we" with you again!

Lauren:
I've been watching you from across the street. I've been too shy to come in and talk to you face-to-face so I could only write my feelings. Oh, Lauren, how your glissening thighs and firm buttocks make me quiver.

Gary:
[Val gives Gary a look. Gary pulls her over to the side] I thought your letter need a little embellishment.

Lauren:
Ahem. Your bosoms are like two ripe canteloupes, Lauren, ready to be devoured. Oh, my God! I think I found my soulmate!

Holly:
Yes! Hi. That's my skateboard, and...

Kid:
No, it isn't. I found it on my balcony.

Holly:
Yeah. Because I dropped it off the roof. Where do you think it came from?

Kid:
God.

Holly:
[Vince kisses her on the cheek] Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! That's it? I sew a botton on for you and that's all I get? Make out with me damn it!

Holly:
I have to call Val. I mean this is big and I'm only nineteen!

Gary:
You know what? Your hair is so "Footloose"!

Vince:
You did not just drag Kevin Bacon into this!

Gary:
Yes I did, buddy. And the gloves are coming off my friend.

Vince:
Oh, so is the ugly-ass suit.

Gary:
Well, you may wanna reconsider! Being that it matches your ugly ass!

Lauren:
Is she still mad?

Holly:
No.

Val:
GET OUT OF HERE!

Holly:
Oh, I meant "yes".

Val:
You are beautiful, and charming, and funny

Lauren:
And...?

Val:
Thin.

Holly:
What's more important than doing it in front of everyone she loves... and Tina.

Holly:
[Gary's talking to Vince and Tina] Hey! Hey! Hey! Vic has something to give to Val. SO SHUT YOUR MOUTH! [turns to Vic] Go ahead Vic

Vic:
So, Val, I want to ask you in front of all the people that you love... and Tina. Val, will you already be married to me?

Vince:
Pretty moving stuff.

Gary:
Yeah, makes you think.

Vince, Gary:
[both turn to each other] I'm sorry! [hugs each other]

Holly:
Tina, hug me!

Tina Haven:
I'm not really a "huggy" person.

Holly:
You've hugged me before!

Tina Haven:
Now it feels forced.

Holly:
JUST HUG ME! [Holly places Tina's hands around her and they both hug]

Lauren:
[everyone else is hugging around her] Come here you! [grabs the cake and starts eating it]

Lauren:
Uh oh! Me thinks me went too far.

Val:
Hey don't you have to go take a shower pushy biotch?

Holly:
Yes and I need money for school books, wussy biotch.

Vince:
Well isn't that nice of Gary, helping my ex-girlfriend's boyfriend. What a good guy! [punches Gary]

Gary:
[talking about Holly] Wow, how could a little girl be full of crap?

Ben Sheffield:
[Val just found a jewelry box in a cookie jar] No! No! No! No! Sorry but i wouldn't want to miss the look on my fiance's face the first time she saw the ring.

Val:
Ben's right.

Lauren:
Yeah, Ben's foriegn. Open that mother!

Val:
Son of a b*tch fireman.

Holly:
No, just you telling the Son of a B*tch fireman that he was "hot, hot, hot".

Tina Haven:
[Holly and Vince are making out outside] C'mon! C'mon! C'mon!

Holly:
What?

Tina Haven:
There's going to be a chick fight!

Holly:
Just wait [turns to Vince] Love you. Bye.

Lauren:
I wrote the note!

Val:
Rick didn't write the note?

Lauren:
Ok. How many times do I have to say it? Rick didn't leave his wife. I wrote the note saying that he did.

Val:
You wrote the note?

Lauren:
Are you a blockhead? I wrote the note! Rick didn't leave his wife and I'm seeing him later.

Val:
You're what?

Lauren:
I'm seeing him later! Do you think it's you hearing, maybe?

Lauren:
I'm in love with him.

Val:
Yeah, well you have to get out of love with him, woman.

Holly:
There is no surprise party. That liar is totally going to be with rick.

Tina Haven:
Okay, Lauren is a genius! She turns the whole thing around and pulls a surprise party right out of her ass.

Holly:
If only she could pull morals out of her ass!

Tina Haven:
[clapping] Oh! Oh! There she is! There she is!

Lauren:
Ok, we are going have to get a surprise party by tonight.

Tina Haven:
Yes, yes. Here is some money. God, I just love you!

Holly:
Tina, Shut Up! We are not helping her. I'm telling Val.

Lauren:
No, no, no wait. Holly, do you think I really want to be seeing a married man? No!.

Holly:
Then stop it!

Lauren:
Unless you want to disappoint your sister on her birthday. She did raise you.

Gary:
Hey man. I thought you said holly already sewed that on for you.

Vince:
She did. But she's in a hurry to make out all the time. Her workmanship suffers!

Vince:
well... does his stuff cost more than... free?

Gary:
Dude, don't worry about it. I set him up last week with two "Young and Tenders". Man, he owes me, just to say that.

Vince:
Thanks, bro. Hey dude, I have a question.

Gary:
Mmm-Hmmm.

Vince:
What are "Young Antenneas"?

Gary:
No, "Young and Tenders" Young and Tenders. The hell is a "Young Antenneas" Why would I say "Young Antenneas?" Crazy white boy. I don't get it.

Tina Haven:
[Lauren holds up a pinata shaped like a rocket ship] Oh. Let's get Val this one. You know what it looks like?

Holly:
It's a rocket ship you dirty bird.

Holly:
What do you think Lauren needed the afternoon for?

Tina Haven:
Do you think?

Holly:
That's exactly what I'm thinking.

Tina Haven:
Lauren's the dirty bird.

Holly:
You promised me that you weren't going to see him.

Lauren:
No I promised you that I wasn't going to see him tonight.

Tina Haven:
And is it tonight? No. It's today. Brava. [starts clapping]

Val:
[practices her expression in front of a mirror just because she thinks she's getting set up for a surprise party] A sonic plaque remover and a white jean jacket? Guys, I'm gonna cry. Yeah, that'll work.

Val:
[She see's Lauren crying on the bed and points at her] Wah! Wah! Wah! [laughing]

Gary:
[Gary is on crutches] My work here is done.

Val:
Actually you still have to mop the floors.

Gary:
I'm crippled you're cruel.

Lauren:
Oh no. They've gone behind the paper thin curtain of silence.

Holly:
I had a fight with Ben!

Vince:
Dump him.

Holly:
What?

Vince:
I said go make up with him, what did you hear? GOD!

Val:
And you're still making time with him?

Lauren:
Making time? Yeah, see, yeah doll, we went to see the Andrews Sisters and we made some time!

Vic:
Hey Charlie.

Charlie:
Why doesn't Val love me? I mean, okay, I'm not her brother. But I have other things to offer. Children with one head.

Vic:
[phone rings] Oh wait. Hold your pain.

Holly:
Who am I kidding? My dad's gonna love you. Even if your pants have holes and... cheese?

Vince:
Crap! I'm wearing my cheese pants!

Val:
We don't have to resort to using our bodies to get ahead

Lauren:
Wake up Bambi! This is how things work in the forest.

Val:
Not in my forest... and don't make that dirty.

Holly:
I finally figured out the perfect way to get Ben's confidence back.

Tina Haven:
You want me to sleep with him?

Holly:
Tina, we've talked about this, when trying to solve problems we use our words, not our lady parts!

Tina Haven:
I always forget that!

Holly:
I know!

Holly:
Totally, and you know what? I'm gonnna have more problems. Pshhh... Could get arrested for shop-lifting... You know how I love stuff!

Val:
Yeah, you're not gonna do that, but if you did, I would know what exactly what to do.

Holly:
Yeah you would!

Holly:
Oh my god! I just remembered another problem!

Val:
What?

Holly:
There's this girl, sitting on the couch. Having a fabulous conversation with the best sister ever, and she's eating this amazing Peanut butter Cheese cake. She's totally comfortable but dying of thirst! What does she do?

Val:
She needs milk huh?

Holly:
Yeah she does!

Val:
Oooh, oh well I would tell her to get her thirsty butt up off the couch and get it herself!

Holly:
[Val, Jennie Garth, and Todd, Luke Perry, kiss passionately - references Beverly Hills, 90210] Let me guess, Brenda's still in Paris.

Gary:
Come on. Spring Break. Spring Break! [lifts shirt]

Speedo Guy:
[Gary turns around, sees guy in Speedo] Nothing's broken from what I see, brown sugar. [winks] Buy you a drink?

Gary:
[puts shirt down] No thank you.

Ben Sheffield:
[lifts shirt] Margarita, no salt.

Speedo Guy:
You got it. [walks away]

Ben Sheffield:
Free drink's a free drink, brown sugar. [winks]

Vince:
I can't believe you're taking them to Mexico the entire weekend. You knew I was taking them to the Knicks game on Sunday. Sunday's my day!

Holly:
Yeah, well yesterday was my day and you took them to see my Colin Farrell movie. Oh, and thanks, by the way, for getting them all hopped up on sugar and then dropping them off at my front door. Gary was up all night!

Vince:
Hey, I tried to be friends, you're the one turning this into a tug-a-war.

Vince:
[Vince rubs Ben's head]

Holly:
Youuuuuuuu, arrrrrrrrrrrrrrre!

Gary:
Oh, no they're fighting again!

Holly:
Oh great, great, great now you got them all upset.

Holly:
[Holly walks over to Gary]

Holly:
Don't worry sweetie, I'm gonna take you to a place where it's sunny and there are plenty of girls in small bikini's!

Gary:
Okay, I feel better!

Holly:
[Holly pinches Gary's cheeks]

Holly:
Yes, you do!

Holly:
Ok, now let's go downstairs. Tina's in the cab waiting. Let's hustle! I'll meet you down there.

Vince:
[Vince waves]

Holly:
When, uh, I get back we're gonna have to discuss who's getting them for Easter!

Lauren:
So, how was your date with Chris?

Val:
Have you ever been on one of those dates that is just... perfection?

Lauren:
Oh, you guys did "it" in your car?

Val:
Lauren, I don't even drink fruit punch in my car!

Val:
This little custody battle that you and Vince are having over your friends is really ridiculous. All right? So I think you need to just talk to Vince and...

Holly:
eh, eh, eh

Val:
I'm just sayin'

Holly:
eh, eh, eh

Val:
You forgave Tina.

Holly:
Yeah, but it's just more complicated with Vince, I mean we might still have feeling for each other, but then he slept with her and lied to me about it. Tina's just my slutty friend!

Val:
[Gary, Ben and Tina walk in. Val points at Tina]

Val:
Oh, Hey! We were just talking about you!

Gary Thorpe:
Oh my damn!

Vince:
Holly, you are the coolest girl.

Holly Tyler:
Right back at you.

[Holly is helping out a couple decide on what to order]

Holly Tyler:
You need help with the menu? You can't understand the menu? OK, well, what about fish.

[makes a fish face]

Holly Tyler:
No, what about steak? [with her hands on her head, in a deep voice] Moo!

Holly Tyler:
No? Veal? [in a higher voice] Moo.

Holly Tyler:
What about Risotto? You know, [waves her hand around] Risotto!

Japanese Couple:
[waves their arms] Risotto! Risotto

Holly Tyler:
OK, I'll get your waitress. Another satisfied customer, High-Fiver!

[high-fives herself]

Woman:
Excuse me, can you help me?

Holly Tyler:
I'd be surprised of I can't.

Woman:
Can I get some more ground pepper?

Holly Tyler:
Sure. [takes a pepper grinder] I think it's jammed, sorry.

[pokes at it with a knife. It all comes spilling out]

Holly Tyler:
Say when.

[Holly threatens to stop shaving her legs after Vince refuses to shave his beard.]

Vince:
You going to keep your hairy legs?

Holly:
Yeah, why not! I mean the world loves the fur!

Holly:
I lost my Vincelet...

Val:
Think I was born yesterday dropout?

Holly:
Well let me tell you something Drunken-Married-lady!

[Holly re-enters the spa panting]

Eileen:
Excuse me. Just where do you think you're going?

Holly Tyler:
Back to my mud bath.

Eileen:
I'm sorry. We have a strict no re-entry policy.

Holly Tyler:
Where does it say that?

Eileen:
Right here. [points to her lips] No re-entry!

Valerie Tyler:
[about Vic] We are legally married. That son of a b*tch fireman is never gonna leave!

Valerie Tyler:
Jeeze, one night of booze and getting married and everybody is all up in my grill!

Holly Tyler:
Come on Val, let's go.

Valerie Tyler:
No, no, we can't. Not until Vic leaves.

Holly Tyler:
And when is that gonne be?

Valerie Tyler:
Very soon. I turned the electricity off. I'm sweatin' him out! Ha!

Holly Tyler:
Val, he's a fireman. He's good with heat!

Holly Tyler:
What have you done to my sister?

Lauren:
Nothing. She kissed me.

Holly Tyler:
Oh, my God.

Lauren:
I'm kidding. Look, we're just having fun. It's Girls Night Out.

Holly Tyler:
My sister does not do Girls Night Out. I'm really worried about her. She's been so torn up, and now she's partying with a girl she can't stand.

[Lauren looks upset]

Holly Tyler:
Oh, not you. She loves you.

[Said repeatdly]

Vince:
Why what'd you hear? God!

[Repeated line]

Vince:
What'd you hear? God!

Holly Tyler:
Gary, why does he want to see Gary first?

Tina Haven:
Now don't start reading things into that it could mean anything.

Lauren:
Exacly for instance he might need some help with the pee-pee

Holly Tyler:
I'll have a Virgin Martini.

Waiter:
A martini without alcohol would be a glass of olives.

Holly Tyler:
That's perfect. And a Ginger Ale.

Val:
Sex is a mystical, magical thing. It isn't a game.

Fiona:
Benji!

Ben Sheffield:
Oh my damn.

Don:
Can you tell me what's going on?

Mindy:
It's a pathetic attempt to...

Valerie Tyler:
Hey! I believe I have the floor, Blondie.

Mindy:
You're blonde, too.

Valerie Tyler:
My color scheme is harvest peach not pee-pee yellow!

Tina Haven:
So what, you're just not gonna do anything?

Holly:
Yes! I'm gonna do everything I can to get Vince out of my mind.

Rhonda:
[brings over Holly's order] Here's your Salad.

Holly:
Oh no I ordered Vince. OHHH! Barbeque beef!

Holly:
[talking to Vince about their friends] I chose to hang out with my friends and you chose to lay on top of yours.

Holly:
I'll have the salad. Oh wait, actually, I'll have the barbecue beef. [hands menu to waitress]

Tina Haven:
What? Just a second ago you wanted a salad.

Holly:
Yeah... but I changed my mind.

Henry Gibson:
Let me explain what just happened here. She likes the salad, but she doesn't love the salad, but she cares for it a lot. Then she saw that barbecue beef all meaty and covered in sauce...

Holly:
[laughs obnoxiously] Well, I guess that we're friends we can do funny stuff like that! [more laughing] How much longer are you going to be doing funny stuff like that?

Lauren:
[after seeing Gary without his shirt] I think you should know that when Gary turns 21, we're getting married.

Valerie Tyler:
But, I thought you were dating the doctor.

Lauren:
Oh, we'll be divorced by then.