When Brendan Met Trudy

Trudy:
Ah come on, Brendan, sing us Penis Angelicus.

[first lines]

Brendan:
[as narrator] Yes, this is Sunset Boulevard. Sunset Boulevard, Dublin, Ireland. You see the body of a young man lying in a pool. Nobody important, just a schoolteacher with a couple of Bs and Cs to his credit. The poor dope. He always wanted a pool. Well, in the end he got himself a pool, only the price turned out to be a little high. Let's go back about six months and find the day it all started.

Conductor:
It's "Pray for the *Wanderer*", not warrior! It's a hymn, not a bloody rebel song!

Edgar:
So, who's the next victim? Trudy?

Trudy:
No way, boy! I'm not nearly drunk enough!

Trudy:
We're all sheep. They're just different flocks.

Trudy:
[hitting Brendan] And that's from a film as well. Bruce Willis does it to everyone. In... English!

Headmaster:
There have been complaints. Quite a few. Too many, and believe me, one is too many in our game. 27 phone calls. When was the last time you had 27 phone calls before your dinner? 12 e-mails. Letters. Look. All hand-delivered. God knows how many are still in the post. Holy pictures. Two so far. Padre Pio and the Blessed Virgin. Three death threats. Two for you and one for me. I told them all to feck off.

Brendan:
To be honest, I did it to impress a woman.

Headmaster:
That's what they're there for.

Trudy:
[Brendan is pulling stolen items out of his hat] How do I know you didn't pay for them?

Brendan:
One receipt of purchased good, itemised. Look.

Judge:
I'm not one of those that believes that a woman's place is in the home, necessarily. However, I am very firm in my conviction that a woman's place is most definitely not in other people's homes, emptying them of their contents.

Title card:
Mary was a fictional character and ceased to exist at the end of the film.

title card:
Lynn was also a fictional character. Nevertheless, se went on to become the President of Ireland.

[last lines]

title card:
They had loads of children. A teacher. A tree surgeon. A jockey. A carpenter. And a complete and utter waster.