Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory

Charlie:
Grandpa, look over there across the river! They're little men!

Grandpa Joe:
Jumping crocodiles, Charlie! Now we know who makes the chocolate.

[everyone stares in amazement at the Oompa-Loompas]

Mr. Salt:
I never saw anybody with an orange face before. Funny-looking people, aren't they, Wonka?

Mrs. Teevee:
What are they doing there?

Wonka:
Must be creaming and sugaring time.

Violet:
Well, they can't be real people.

Wonka:
Well, of course they're real people.

Mr. Salt:
Stuff and nonsense!

Wonka:
No. Oompa Loompas.

Group:
[turn around] Oompa Loompas?!

Wonka:
From Loompaland.

Mrs. Teevee:
Loompaland? There's no such place.

Wonka:
Excuse me, dear lady...

Mrs. Teevee:
Mr. Wonka, I am a teacher of geography.

Wonka:
Oh, well, then you know all about it and what a terrible country it is. Nothing but desolate wastes and fierce beasts. And the poor little Oompa Loompas were so small and helpless, they would get gobbled up right and left. A Wangdoodle would eat ten of them for breakfast and think nothing of it. And so, I said, "Come and live with me in peace and safety, away from all the Wangdoodles, and Hornswogglers, and Snozzwangers, and rotten, Vermicious Knids."

Mr. Salt:
Snozzwangers? Vermicious Knids? What kind of rubbish is that?

Wonka:
I'm sorry, but all questions must be submitted in writing. [continues] And so, in the greatest of secrecy, I transported the entire population of Oompa Loompas to my factory here.

Veruca:
Hey, Daddy, I want an Oompa Loompa. I want you to get me an Oompa Loompa right away.

Mr. Salt:
All right, Veruca. All right. I'll get you one before the day is out.

Veruca:
I want an Oompa Loompa now!

Violet:
Can it, you nit!

Wonka:
Must show you this. Lickable wallpaper for nursery walls. Lick an orange. It tastes like an orange. Lick a pineapple. It tastes like a pineapple. Go ahead. Try it.

[the tourists lick the wallpaper]

Mike:
Mmm! I got a plum.

Charlie:
Grandpa, this banana's fantastic! It tastes so real!

Wonka:
Try some more. The strawberries taste like strawberries. The snozzberries taste like snozzberries.

Veruca:
Snozzberries?! Who ever heard of a snozzberry?

Grandpa Joe:
Mr. Wonka?

Wonka:
I am extraordinarily busy, sir.

Grandpa Joe:
I just wanted to ask about the chocolate, the lifetime supply of chocolate, for Charlie. When does he get it?

Wonka:
He doesn't.

Grandpa Joe:
Why not?

Wonka:
Because he broke the rules.

Grandpa Joe:
What rules? We didn't see any rules, did we, Charlie?

Wonka:
[angrily] Wrong, sir! Wrong! Under section 37B of the contract signed by him, it states quite clearly that all offers shall become null and void if - and you can read it for yourself in this photostatic copy - "I, the undersigned, shall forfeit all rights, privileges, and licenses herein and herein contained," et cetera, et cetera... "Fax mentis, incendium gloria cultum," et cetera, et cetera... Memo bis punitor delicatum! It's all there! Black and white, clear as crystal! You stole Fizzy-Lifting Drinks! You bumped into the ceiling, which now has to be washed and sterilized, so you get... NOTHING!!! You lose! GOOD DAY, SIR! [returns to work]

Grandpa Joe:
[shocked] You're a crook... [furiously] You're a cheat and a swindler...! That's what you are! How can you do a thing like this?! Build up a little boy's hopes, and then smash all his dreams to pieces?! [lividly] You're an inhuman monster...!

Wonka:
I said "GOOD DAY"!! [goes on about his work]

Grandpa Joe:
Come on, Charlie. Let's get out of here. [sets to leave] I'll get even with him if it's the last thing I ever do. If Slugworth wants a Gobstopper, he'll get one.

[he and Charlie are about to leave, when Charlie slowly walks up to Wonka]

Charlie:
Mr. Wonka?

[he places the Everlasting Gobstopper on Wonka's desk and sets off as Wonka stops writing]

Wonka:
[puts his hand on the Gobstopper] "So shines a good deed in a weary world." [looks up] Charlie? My boy. You've won! You did it! You did it! I knew you would! I just knew you would! Oh, Charlie, forgive me for putting you through this. Please, forgive me. Come in, Mr. Wilkinson! [The man originally known as Slugworth walks in.] Charlie, meet Mr. Wilkinson!

Wilkinson:
Pleasure!

Charlie:
Slugworth!

Wonka:
No, no! That's not Slugworth! He works for me!

Charlie:
For you?

Wonka:
I had to test you, Charlie. And you passed the test! You won!

Grandpa Joe:
Won what?!

Wonka:
The jackpot, my dear sir! The grand and glorious jackpot!

Charlie:
The chocolate?

Wonka:
The chocolate, yes! The chocolate, but that's just the beginning! We hafta get on! We hafta get on! We have so much time, and so little to do! Strike that. Reverse it. This way, please!

Wonka:
How did you like the chocolate factory, Charlie?

Charlie:
I think it's the most wonderful place in the whole world.

Wonka:
I'm very pleased to hear you say that, because I'm giving it to you. That's all right, isn't it?

Grandpa Joe:
You're giving Charlie the...?

Wonka:
I can't go on forever, and I don't really want to try. So who can I trust to run the factory when I leave and take care of the Oompa Loompas for me? Not a grown up. A grown up would want to do everything his own way, not mine. So that's why I decided a long time ago that I had to find a child. A very honest, loving child, to whom I could tell all my most precious candy making secrets.

Charlie:
And that's why you sent out the golden tickets.

Wonka:
That's right. So the factory is yours, Charlie. You can move in immediately.

Grandpa Joe:
And me?

Wonka:
Absolutely.

Charlie:
What happens to the rest...?

Wonka:
The whole family. I want you to bring them all.

[he and Charlie embrace]

Wonka:
But, Charlie, don't forget what happened to the man who suddenly got everything he always wanted.

Charlie:
What happened?

Wonka:
He lived happily ever after.