Win Win

Jackie Flaherty:
I wanna go to Ohio and beat the crap out of his mom.

Mike Flaherty:
Okay, come on.

Jackie Flaherty:
No, I do. I want to beat the crap out of her and her stupid boyfriend.

Mike Flaherty:
Okay.

Jackie Flaherty:
I'm serious.

Mike Flaherty:
I know you are. I just... I don't think that beating the crap out of everybody is the best solution, that's all.

Jackie Flaherty:
It feels like it.

Stemler:
Yo, what up, Pancake?

Rew:
Shut the hell up, Chewbacca!

Abby:
Where's Daddy?

Jackie Flaherty:
He's running.

Abby:
From what?

Leo Poplar:
Don't take any sh*t from any of those guys.

Kyle:
I won't.

[Jackie locks Kyle in the basement]

Mike Flaherty:
Whare're you doin'?

Jackie Flaherty:
We have kids, Mike. I'm not taking any chances with Eminem down there.

Mike Flaherty:
There's not even a bathroom down there, Jack.

[Jackie reluctantly unlocks the door]

Jackie Flaherty:
Does she even know you're here?

Kyle:
My mom? She doesn't care about me.

Jackie Flaherty:
How do you know? She's probably worried sick and doesn't know how to reach you.

Kyle:
[holding up his cell phone] She could've called, right?

Kyle:
If he's Darth Vador, you're the Secret Apprentice.

Jackie Flaherty:
You're gonna talk to her, right?

Mike Flaherty:
Yes, I intend to, if you don't punch her out first.

Mike Flaherty:
[to the wrestling team] Now, did you all see what Kyle did the other day? He exploded up, right? Kyle, show the guys what you did.

Kyle:
It's kind of my own thing.

Mike Flaherty:
Well, can you share it with us?

Kyle:
But it's not even a move or anything.

Mike Flaherty:
It's okay.

Kyle:
All right. Well, I just tell myself that the guy on top's tryin' to take my head and shove it under water and kill me, and if I don't wanna die on bottom, I have to do whatever the f*** it takes to get out.

Stephen Vigman:
[breaking a stunned silence] Okay. So the move is "Whatever the f*** it takes." Let's go. Let's work on it.

Terry Delfino:
[chiming in forcefully as if knowledgeable] WHATEVER THE F*** IT TAKES! LET'S GO, GENTLEMEN. UP!