Wind Chill

Guy:
[gives Girl a dirty look after she just gets off the phone]

Girl:
What?

Guy:
If I have to drive, you have to talk to me.

Girl:
What, I'm the in flight entertainment?

Guy:
That's how this ride sharing thing works, okay? Division of labor. We split everything 50/50

Girl:
Oh, well, I got news for you, I don't get much more entertaining then when I'm on the phone.

Girl:
The next gas station you see, do me a favor and pull over, I gotta pee.

Guy:
Yeah, okay, I'll keep my eyes peeled.

[Girl gives him a look]

Guy:
What?

Girl:
It's that phrase, keeping your eyes peeled. It's just kinda creepy.

Guy:
Yeah, it is, sorta.

Girl:
Yeah?

Guy:
Yeah. Speaking of uh, peeling eyeballs. Did you know that's how they do the corrective eye surgery?

Girl:
Yeah, they use a laser.

Guy:
Yeah, they do, but there's also peeling involved.

[Girl looks at him]

Guy:
I saw it on Discovery Health. You know if more people knew about the whole peeling part, they might think twice before going under the knife.

Girl:
It's a laser. They use a laser.

[pause]

Girl:
I'm having corrective eye surgery over the break.

Guy:
Why?

Girl:
Because I hate wearing my glasses, okay?

Guy:
But they look so good on you.

Girl:
How would you know? I never wear them outside my dorm.

Guy:
Hey, here's your gas station.

Girl:
[after having been locked in the gas station bathroom and unable to get out or be heard by anyone] Hey, didn't you just hear me banging in there?

Guy:
[bewildered laugh] When?

Girl:
Oh, that's funny to you? Me locked in, you think that's funny?

Guy:
What are you talking about? Locked in where?

Girl:
You're telling me you didn't just hear me banging on the door? I could hear you.

Guy:
Listen, I don't know what you're talking about.

Girl:
[pauses] Forget it, it doesn't matter, let's just get back on the road.

Clerk:
Remember the highway's your best bet.

Guy:
Don't worry about it man, I got it all covered.

Girl:
Are we lost or something?

Guy:
No, I've done this drive a million times.

Guy:
So, did your parents do the whole traditional family Christmas?

Girl:
Yeah. [pause] You?

Guy:
No, my grandparents are Dutch. So I was raised on salted licorice and Sinterklaus.

Girl:
How is that different from regular Santa Claus?

Guy:
Well, instead of the North Pole, he lives in Spain and instead of elves, he's got this enforcer named Black Pete. So he's basically like your Santa Claus, only scarier. [drops voice on "scarier"]

Girl:
That's charming.

Guy:
Okay, so let me get this straight, you think I intentionally arranged for us to get stranded out here?

Girl:
I don't know!

Guy:
It was an accident, goddammit! You saw the other guy! You think he was in on it too?

Girl:
Maybe!

Guy:
You're crazy!

Girl:
I'm crazy?

Guy:
Yes!

Girl:
You know what, while you were supposedly unconscious, I got through to a friend's voice mail and I'm sure she's called the cops.

Guy:
Would you listen to yourself? What kind of a psycho do you think I am?

Girl:
Exactly!

Guy:
[after they get stranded] I think I remember losing a candy bar down the seat cushions the other day. God, I'm starving. [gets pulled down] Ahhhh!

Girl:
What? What is it?

Guy:
Ahhhh!

Girl:
What?

Guy:
[gets up grinning] It's a candy bar.

Girl:
You're an a**hole.

Highway Patrolman:
You're not going anywhere!

Guy:
I was going to tell you everything eventually.