WWF SmackDown!

[repeated line]

Mr.McMahon:
You're fired!

Carlito Caribbean Cool:
[after biting an apple and spitting it in someone's face] I spit in the face of people who don't want to be cool.

John Bradshaw Layfield:
[On the Boogeyman] Who were his parents? Mr. and Mrs. Man?

John Bradshaw Layfield:
[to The Big Show in February 2005] Big Show put down your pizza, look at the monitor and realise you are about to get in the ring with greatness!

Tazz:
I almost got whacked by a car yesterday.

Michael Cole:
What happened?

Tazz:
Well I was trying to cross the road in this crazy city because they drive on the right, I stepped out and the driver shouted to me "Move outta the way you bloody fool!"

Mankind:
Triple H, how much more do you want from me? First you take away my job, then you bring this idiot out there...

[pointing at "Mankind" in the ring with Hunter]

Mankind:
...and you take away my dignity. Then, Monday night, you take me and you ruin my face. And I'll be honest, you are the best in the business right now. Because you are, without a doubt, The Game. So it saddens me to say that after the beating you gave me on Monday night, one thing Mankind is not is ready to face you in a street fight at the Royal Rumble in Madison Square Garden. But I think the WWF fans deserve a substitute in that match. What I'm going to do, Triple H, is I'm gonna name him right now. As a matter of fact...

[Mankind pulls off his leather mask]

Mankind:
...I think you know the guy.

[Makind tears off his collared shirt to reveal a Cactus Jack "Wanted Dead or Alive" shirt, and the crowd cheers]

Cactus Jack:
And I think you know him pretty damn well! His name... is Cactus Jack! And his first official act as part of the WWF is to kick your teeth all over the city of Chicago.

The Rock:
[the British Bulldog has Triple H pinned and The Rock, the special guest Refeeree, starts the count into the Microphone] One, Two... IT DOESN'T MATTER IF THE ROCK COUNTS TO THREE!

Big Show:
When I get my hands on you, I'll...

Edge:
What are you gonna do; *eat* me? [crowd cheer]

Big Show:
Listen, Edge. *I* eat pieces of crap like you for breakfast! And I promise you tonight, I will *knock you out*!

Edge:
Whoa, back up there a second. Did you say you eat pieces of crap for breakfast? [crowd cheer] Because that really explains a lot [waves hand in front of Show's face] You are kicking! [High voice] Halitosis!

Kurt Angle:
[after Spike tells him to leave Molly alone] What is this; "Saved by the Bell?"

The Rock:
Finally, The Rock has come back... To Washington, D.C.! [huge pop from crowd] Well, the world wants to know why The Rock chose the WWF over the Alliance. The World wants to know The Rock's explanation as to why He's in the WWF and not the Alliance. Well, It's really simple; The Rock says this; He didn't come back to the WWF for *Vince McMahon*, Because The Rock owes Vince McMahon absolutely *Nothing*! Vince McMahon didn't make The Rock. Hell, *The Rock* Didn't even make the Rock! [pause, cheering, "Rocky!" chants] *The People* made The Rock. And being in Washington, D.C., The Constitution says; "We the People, for The People!" Now, that's tall people, short people, fat people, skinny people! People who make slurpees, people who have herpes! All the people that get rid of household pests and all the pople that have enormous breasts! All kidding aside, The Rock was *born* in the WWF, The Rock will never *leave* the WWF! And as God is The Rock's witness, He will always be the People's Champion! [cheering] Now The Rock will admit there is *one* more reason *why* The Rock came back to the WWF; Payback! [cheering] Payback to a certain Bald-headed, Guitar-Strumming, Biggest piece of Texas Trailer Park Trash named Stone Cold Steve Austin! [cheering] So, Austin, The Rock knows Kurt Angle came out and challenged you to a match at Summerslam; No problem! Because The Rock has waited *four* long months, He doesn't wanna wait four more *seconds*! So Austin, You wanna walk around with your WWF Championship, Walk around with your Guitar, Walk around singing songs, Walk around giving hugs. Stone Cold Steve Austin; Why don't you come out and hug the rock? [Booker T's music hits]

Booker T:
Woah, Hold on one second, Rock. ["You Suck!" chants] You think you can just walk back in here and challenge Stone Cold Steve Austin? Oh hell no! You're not in the man's league. More importantly, you're not in *my league*. In fact, you're lucky I don't walk down their right now and kick your pretty ass up... [Rock holds up his hand, "Rocky" chants]

The Rock:
WHO in the Blue hell are *you*?

Booker T:
Who am I? Who am I? I'm the WCW Champion, Sucka!

The Rock:
Just so The Rock understands this; You're the WCW champion sucker? [laughter, cheering] What's more important, The Rock doesn't believe he caught your name.

Booker T:
What's my name? Hell, My Name is Booker...

The Rock:
[cutting him off] It Doesn't matter what your name is! [cheering, "You Suck Chants directed at Booker]

Booker T:
It *should* matter because tonight I came out to challenge your punk ass to a match at Summerslam, Rock!

The Rock:
*You're* going to Summerslam?

Booker T:
Oh, yeah I'll be there.

The Rock:
What you're gonna be there for? if someone needs you to park their car outside the building?

Booker T:
You didn't say that? Tell me you did *not* just say that?

The Rock:
The Rock said that and The Rock says this; You wanna come out here and run your mouth at The Rock, on The Rock's show, SmackDown? Well The Rock says this; Booker C, Booker T. Hell, it doesn't matter *what* your name is! We don't wait for Summerslam, the Rock will whip your ass all over Washington D.C.! [Shane McMahon's music hits]

Shane McMahon:
Who the hell do you think *you* are? This man right here, Booker T is the WCW Champion, Rock. And not only does he have twice the Athletic talent you have, Rock, But Booker T has something you do *not*, and that is Championship Gold, Rock. [Booker lifts his belt, boo] And you will respect it, understand me? Oh, that's right, Rock, that's right. I forgot Respect is a foreign concept to you, isn't it? Otherwise you would have not Rock-Bottomed me last Monday Night in the middle of the ring [cheers] All my life I've done what I've wanted, *exactly what I've wanted! And Rock, by you choosing to go with the World Wrestling Federation, Rock and not with the Aliiance, Rock... You know what, Rock? I don't *want* you in the Alliance any more! We don't want you! But what I do want Rock, is a piece of The Rock. I want a piece of your ass, Rock! ["Shane's a P*ssy!" chants] And the only reason Booker T is not coming down the People's Ramp, into the People's ring and kicking *Your* Candy Ass all over the place is because I want something! And Rock, Shane-o-Mac wants to go One on One with the Great One. This Monday night Rock, Raw is War, Shane O'Mac and You in a Street Fight! What do you thinka bout that?

The Rock:
What does The Rock think about that? Between you wantin' a piece of The Rock's ass and your friend being the... Champion Sucker, The Rock is wanting to know what in the hell kind of alliance you're running over there!

The Big Show:
[dressed up as and imitating DDP] Me losing my job, it's a good thing! Because then, all of you, won't have to listen to my annoying voice, or have to look at my big, bright, bogus, fake white teeth, or my plastic smile. And I won't be able to tell you what to do.

The Rock:
Test there's a song, and it's called "The Twelve Days of Christmas". And you see Test, The Rock wants to sing you twelve things that you can look forward to tonight. And The Rock will go slow at first, for you Test, just so you can understand it goes like this... [starts singing] On a night Test faced the great one this is what he'll see - Twelve sharpshooters stinging, eleven eyebrows raising, ten spines a busting, nine noggins knocking, eight kicks a kicking, seven punches punching, six suplex smashing, five seconds of the people chanting The Rock's name! [fans start chanting, he continues to sing] Four rock bottoms, three peoples elbows on your two buck teeth and an ass kicking all over New Orleans!

McMahon, Stephanie:
Ladies and gentlemen, this is incredibly exciting; the main event for Unforgiven, the WWE World Champion exclusive to Smackdown: Brock Lesnar, versus the number one contender, the Phenom, also exclusive to Smackdown: the Undertaker. Brock you're the champion, let's start with you.

Lesnar, Brock:
I don't have a lot to say. I'm not the one who wants to boast 'bout myself. You see, I'm always letting my actions speak louder than my words. Starting back to my, hmm, my amateur career: 4-time All-American, 2-time Big Ten Champion, 2000 NCAA Heavyweight Champion. And then let's see, not even you're in the business. I come to King of the Ring and win it, no problem. And then, I crucified Hulk Hogan; you see I take Hulk Hogan's blood, wipe it with my hands and wipe it across my chest, why? Because I loved every minute of it, that's why. And then came Summerslam, the Rock, the Great One, yeah, and that's when I brought this baby home. I am the WWE Undisputed Heavyweight Champion. And tonight, I went out, and brutalized Randy Orton, didn't even break a sweat. You see, I'm 25 years old, [sneers] 25, the youngest WWE Heavyweight Champion in history. How old are you? [smirking]

Calaway, Mark:
[sn*ggers and sighs] 25 years old... Twenty-five years old... And you're on top of the world aren't you? I look in your eyes, and I see it. It's that look that says nobody can beat me, nobody can touch me [removes his sunglasses] . You know how many times I've seen that look? More times than I can count. Brock you are, one impressive young man, very impressive from what I said. But from what I've said, long with that youth that you're so proud of, I see it an experience. Yeah you've done it all right? You've beat Hulk Hogan, you've beat the Rock. NCAA Champion. Son, you ain't been tested yet. You haven't been taken where I'm gonna take you at Unforgiven. You see Brock, you talked about, you bragged about how you wiped Hulk Hogan's blood all over your... have you ever had to wipe your own blood out of your eyes? Have you ever fell down and felt ribs sticking out whether they are broken and wonder when your next breath will gonna come? And figure out how you're gonna win a match? No, of course not. You know why? [snarls] Because you're ain't no one beat you up yet, but that's gonna change. That's gonna change real soon, because I'm gonna take you to some place that you've ain't ever been! I'm gonna beat you up, I'm gonna bust you up, and then if you survived that, then you might have something to brag about. Life makes no exceptions, and neither do I. To me it's all about the fight, Brock, and you ain't have those fights yet. At Unforgiven, your ass is mine boy.

Heyman, Paul:
Are you done?

Calaway, Mark:
Yeah I'm done.

Heyman, Paul:
Well I'm just want to make sure that [starts clapping; his words are swallowed by the sound of his clappings] here's Brock Lesnar, 25 years old, a grappler, a purest of face in the planet, and here you are, the Badass, the baddest of them all. But if you analyze it, let's analyze this for a moment; Brock Lesnar, has driven his focus on you, while you sir, are distracted by your family situation at home.

Calaway, Mark:
You need to keep your focus, Paul. This is about business, it's got nothing to do with family or anything else.

McMahon, Stephanie:
Paul, this isn't about family.

Heyman, Paul:
But I beg the difference, it's all about family, I mean, to my client, that's family, the world's championship he trains, day in and day out to defend that title against you sir, while you not only have to train for Brock Lesnar, you have to tend to your pregnant wife Sara at home.

Calaway, Mark:
[shaking with anger] Paul, I'm telling you again this is business, and you need to watch where you're going. [glaring at Paul Heyman with fury]

Heyman, Paul:
What I'm going is this, just you have to understand is because if anything happens to you in this match, if my client does any replicable harm to you, and you can't provide for your family, I want you to know, that forgiving man that I am, I will definitely take care of your lovely wife, Sara... but I refused to take care of your unborn child. [the Undertaker stands up, and Brock throws the table out of the way, stopping the Undertaker and the two stare at each other down]

Eddie Guerrero:
[Eddie is beating up John Cena in the car and takes a picture] Smile for Momma!

Dawn Marie:
[after the Torrie Wilson/Rikishi-Dawn Marie/Matt Hardy match, Torrie is looking for her father Al and follows a trail of clothes until she finds a shower. She opens the curtain to find him fully clothed with Dawn who is naked and her butt is briefly shown on camera] Hi Torrie. [Torrie is shocked and runs off]

Tazz:
[Off-camera] I knew it! That old horny S.O.B. [Cut back to the shower to see Dawn standing behind Al]

John Cena:
Alright stop, collaborate and listen/Ice is back with a brand new proposition/Your position is that of a failure/I'm gonna nail you, to Jamie Noble's trailer/And then I dare you, to run around and cause a scare/Give people the shakes, and make them to change their underwear/I'm on top, it's my fault that you're under there./You want to bare? Have no fault, shave you back hair/I'm fast, I've got to go, it's been a blast/Came out of the locker room, stole Rey Mysterio's mask/Tried to get 'Taker's cast, but it was plastic, not my type/Peace, I got to go, I'm off to hotwire his bike

Big Show:
I eat pieces of crap like you for breakfast!

Kurt Angle:
You eat pieces of crap for breakfast?

The Big Show:
And I couldn't have thought of a better way to spend Thanksgiving, than with all you WWE fans, and, without a doubt, the single greatest announce team in the history of the business. Unfortunately, Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler work on Mondays, so I'm stuck with Tazz and Cole!

The Big Show:
I was so big, I ate my parents...

Palmer Canon:
[Palmer Canon and Teddy Long are in Long's office] Remember those promos we were running over the summer on SmackDown! for The Boogeyman? It was a new show we were going to have on the network. "I'm the Boogeyman, and I'm coming to get you!"

Teddy Long:
Well, I don't know, playa.

Palmer Canon:
Well, the talent who was playing the part, something a little strange happened on the set. But, we've got a multi-year holding deal with this gentleman, and in my opinion, I think he'd be a great addition to our show, he'd be a great addition for SmackDown!

Teddy Long:
Who are you talking about?

Palmer Canon:
I'm talking about the Boogeyman. [to someone off-camera] The Boogeyman's here right now? Mr.Long, uh, meet the Boogeyman. [Camera pans to the right to show the Boogeyman]

Michael Cole:
[Off-camera] The hell?

Teddy Long:
What is this, some kind of Halloween joke, what am I supposed to do with him?

Palmer Canon:
Pay attention.

Teddy Long:
Pay attention to what?

Palmer Canon:
To the Boogeyman! [to Boogeyman] Do your, do your thing.

The Boogeyman:
[Stares into the camera and holds up his clock] One two, Boogeyman looking for you/Three four better lock your door. [laughs and starts swinging his clock from side to side] Tick tock, tick tock/From out of the shadows in which I may appear/Tick tock tick tock/As the sound of the clock draws the time near/You about to face your deepest [pause] FEARS! [Smashes the clock over his head] Nine ten never sleep again/ [laughs, big smile] I'm the Boogeyman and I'm coming to get you! [Turns to Teddy Long for his response]

Teddy Long:
Boogeyman, you, you may have some potential.

Kevin Owens:
[strains to pull Rusev back into the ring] God, lose some weight!

Bubba Ray Dudley:
Do you know who we are? We're The Dudley Boyz and we're back!

Konnor:
We don't care! We're The Ascension!

Kevin Owens:
[Mocking Dolph Ziggler] Do it for Lana! [steps on Ziggler's wrist] "Oh no, your wrist!" Your wrist! [stomps again]

Bubba Ray Dudley:
[after D-Von shows him New Day's petition to Save the table] Oh, Hell no! [D-von snaps clipboard over his knee]

Crowd Member:
[about Luke Harper] That Beard ain't even real!

Chris Jericho:
[In re Too Cool, Rikishi Phatu, Chyna, the Kat and Hardcore Holly all being the ring together before the six-person-tag where he was set to team with Chyna and Holly] "My my my - what a motley looking Crue this is! This reminds me of the cantina scene from 'Star Wars!' I mean, you got a couple of Vanilla Ice wannabes, you got a freak of nature and her Mini-Me little buddy - you got a bleach-blonde buffoon, and you got a really fat guy in a diaper - this is disgusting, well at least after Sunday when I become the undisputed Intercontinental champion, I will never, EEEEEEEEEEEVER, have to worry about any of you... agayne."