Year of the Comet

Oliver Plexico:
Son of a b*tch!

Margaret Harwood:
Exactly!

Ian:
[In a poorly-done Scottish accent] Upon further review, this has proven to be a potential clue and must be returned to the... uh... castle.

Oliver Plexico:
Yeah, right, that's a clue, you're a police inspector and I'm Herve Villechaize!

Ian:
What?

Oliver Plexico:
You know, the little guy on "Fantasy Island"?

Oliver Plexico:
Pssssst! Maggie!

Margaret Harwood:
[Maggie looks out the window, leans out a little, then looks down and sees Oliver on the remaining block of the broken wall planter below] What are you doing?

Oliver Plexico:
[smiles tiredly] I've come to rescue you!

Margaret Harwood:
[looks behind her, then back to Oliver] Don't rescue me, it's a trap!

Oliver Plexico:
Sweet, sweet Maggie! I know it's a Goddamned trap! The point is, I've somewhat bungled things. So... you're gonna have to save me.

Margaret Harwood:
[stands upright, crossing arms] Are you safe on that thing?

Oliver Plexico:
Define safe.

Margaret Harwood:
[Turns around hastily, pulls the sheets off the bed, ties them into a long rope and ties it around herself hastily, prepared to lower it down to Oliver] Allright! I'll save your life! That's only fair, you saved mine! But then I'm calling it quits!

Oliver Plexico:
Why?

Margaret Harwood:
Because you have no respect for my feelings!

Oliver Plexico:
I have respect for your feelings...

Margaret Harwood:
Bull Sh*t!

Oliver Plexico:
I get the feeling you don't believe me?

Margaret Harwood:
Stop being charming!

Oliver Plexico:
I haven't got much choice right now, I got a 50 foot drop below me, and a crazy lady 10 feet above!

Margaret Harwood:
After we... After we did... After we were done with...

Oliver Plexico:
After sex?

Margaret Harwood:
Yes! Right! Correct! You could have got the number yourself, you didn't have to [chokes back tears] throw your wife at me!

Oliver Plexico:
I don't have a wife.

Margaret Harwood:
I saw the wedding photo!

Oliver Plexico:
That's my sister! [Oliver starts to get aggravated]

Margaret Harwood:
Don't make it worse!

Oliver Plexico:
[yelling] Now you listen to me, Margaret! When I first met you, you were this... beautiful, crazy... ragamuffin. And I said to myself, hey! A beautiful, crazy... ragamuffin! I didn't have to fly down to get the bottle, I volunteered! Now why do you think I did that?

Margaret Harwood:
Why should I believe any of this?

Margaret Harwood:
[sighs, frustrated and looks around, motioning with his hand] A guy fresh from the chiropractor scales a 50 foot wall to save your life? This is not mass entertainment Maggie! It's gotta be... Love!

Margaret Harwood:
What?

Oliver Plexico:
You heard me...

Margaret Harwood:
Well, a woman wants to hear it as loudly... and as frequently... as possible!

Oliver Plexico:
[lowers his voice] I love you. Okay? I'm hopelessly and completely in love with you.

[raises his voice]

Oliver Plexico:
And that's all you're gonna get for now!

Margaret Harwood:
[lowers the make-shift rope to Oliver] Grab hold, I'll pull!

Oliver Plexico:
Are you sure you're strong enough?

Margaret Harwood:
I've waited for you all of my life, Oliver Plexico! I'm not about to lose you now!

Margaret Harwood:
[Sir Mason and Richard are discussing the winery's business dealings. Margaret has come in after cleaning up from the last tasting] Everything is cleaned up, Father.

Sir Mason Harwood:
Thank you, Margaret. [Margaret remains where she is, Sir Mason looks up] Yes? Is there something else, my dear?

Margaret Harwood:
Father, please, when will I be able to go on an outing?

Margaret Harwood:
Margaret, we've discussed this...

Margaret Harwood:
[interrupts] Father, wines are my life. I love it! And I am passed up time and time again while Richard gets every opportunity!

Richard Harwood:
The wine business is complex, certaintly not for a silly girl!

Margaret Harwood:
You are a person of very little character!

Richard Harwood:
You know what pains me, Margaret?

Margaret Harwood:
Fat men in high heels?

Richard Harwood:
No! What a bitter, lonely old maid you are going to be!

Sir Mason Harwood:
Enough of this! Both of you! Margaret, I said I would send you out when you are ready, and as I am in charge of this winery, until I feel you are, Richard will continue to represent our interests.

Margaret Harwood:
When?

Sir Mason Harwood:
When you are *ready*, dear!

Margaret Harwood:
So that's your final word, then?

Sir Mason Harwood:
Yes.

Margaret Harwood:
I thought you might say that. Here [puts a letter on the desk] .

Sir Mason Harwood:
What's this?

Margaret Harwood:
My resignation letter.

Richard Harwood:
[Picks up the letter and starts to read it] Well, this *is* good news.

Sir Mason Harwood:
[takes the letter from Richard] When your mother decided to raise you in America, I accepted it. It was a decision I always knew would come to back to haunt me. But this [holds the letter up] , you stop it now. Or I shall, I assure you, become quite upset. [holds the letter out to Margaret, which she does not take back] I don't enjoy making threats very well.

Margaret Harwood:
Neither do I. Goodbye. [turns and walks out]

Sir Mason Harwood:
[throws the letter on the desk] Damn! Truly, truly, Damn!

Richard Harwood:
Father, we should celebrate her leaving!

Sir Mason Harwood:
Celebrate? She knows more about wine than you'll ever know, and she willingly does the work of four!

Richard Harwood:
But Harwood has never been represented by a *woman*!

Sir Mason Harwood:
[to Richard, after Margaret has given her resignation about not being able to represent the winery] Yes. Well, I suppose we'll have to change that.

[goes out after Margaret]

Sir Mason Harwood:
Margaret! Enough of this!

Margaret Harwood:
[Margaret stops and turns around, wiping tears from her eyes]

Sir Mason Harwood:
A lawyer friend of mine acts for an estate in Scotland, on the Isle of Skye. His client, an absentee landlord, has recently died, and this lawyer has asked me to dispose of the wine cellar.

[hands Margaret a package]

Sir Mason Harwood:
The legal documents are all in here.

Margaret Harwood:
Oh, thank you, Father!

[throws her arms around her father]

Margaret Harwood:
I swear, I won't disappoint you!

Sir Mason Harwood:
[hugs Margaret, and quickly breaks the embrace] Well, that's quite enough sentiment for one day, Margaret.

[smiles. Margaret grins and nods, Sir Mason turns to walk back inside. As Margaret turns and walks away, Sir Mason looks back in the direction of his daughter and smiles again, then goes back inside]