You, Me and the Apocalypse

Cardinal Anderson:
The Day of Judgement draws near, Father Jude. The church has a task of utmost importance for you. A task eminently suited to a man with your attributes.

Father Jude:
[with sarcasm] You mean my chronic punctuality and sunny disposition?

Cardinal Anderson:
No, Father Jude. Your relentless cynicism. Your wearying scepticism.

Father Jude:
[sighs] Well, what's the gig?

Cardinal Anderson:
From now on, you'll be investigating the Second Coming of Christ.

Sister Celine:
God led me to your door. I won't let him down, and I won't let you down.

Father Jude:
What if I let you down?

Sister Celine:
It's okay. I have very low expectations of you.

[last lines]

Ariel:
That's what happens to idiots. Don't be an idiot, Spike.

Father Jude:
Let me ask you, do you find the phrase "Christ on a bike" offensive? Because I just used it in a meeting, and you would have thought that I'd performed an abortion on the table or something.

Sister Celine:
Well, I suppose the image of Christ riding a bicycle could seem a little bit disrepectful.

Father Jude:
Really? Because I think he'd be very likely to ride a bike. He seems like that kind of a guy to me. I mean, what else would he show up in, a stretch Hummer?