Yours, Mine & Ours

[first lines]

Frank Beardsley:
Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Move it! Move it! Move it!

Ethan:
Move it! Move it! Move it!

Frank Beardsley:
That means you too, Ethan. Head ashore, Sailor.

Ethan:
Aye-aye! Head ashore.

Marisa North, Bina North:
Mo-om!

Helen North:
What?

Marisa North, Bina North:
He's painting our roses again!

Dylan North:
[after being tattled of spray painting the twins' roses] It's art.

Jimi North:
You can't call it art unless you have talent.

Jimi North:
Now put your hands up in the air and wave them like you just don't care. And if you think that Kelly is the best let me hear you say "Oh, yeah!" "Oh, yeah!" Go Kelly! Go Kelly! The other team is...

Michael Beardsley:
smelly!

Jimi North:
They're quaking like they're...

Harry Beardsley:
jelly!

Bina North, Marisa North:
We've got sisters from...

Bina North, Marisa North:
New Delhii!

Jimi North, Michael Beardsley, Harry Beardsley, Bina North, Marisa North, Dylan North, Christina Beardsley, Phoebe North, Naoko North, Joni North:
Go Kelly! Go Kelly! The other team is smelly! They're quaking like they're jelly! We got sisters from New Delhi!

Jimi North:
Go Kelly!

Frank Beardsley:
William, what have you got there?

William Beardsley:
Academy applications, S.A.T. forms, Capital Summer Hill entry forms, and the number of the girl two houses down.

Frank Beardsley:
[asked his eldest son, William, of what he is holding of entering in their new home] Outstanding!

William Beardsley:
One, two.

[just ending his speech at the lighthouse]

William Beardsley:
It's time for us to call a truce. None of us likes this situation, but if we want to win out we need to unite against the greater enemy. That enemy's name is Mom and Dad.

Dylan North:
Mom gets married, we get drafted.

Ethan:
Need more chocolate.

Ethan:
William wait, wait.

William Beardsley:
What!

Ethan:
Please, I don't want to lose another mommy.

Phoebe North:
-after being woke up by joni playing the Saxaphone badly-Why do I suddenly feel like I'm in prison?

Christina Beardsley:
Have the fashion police caught up with you?

Lao North:
Snap! Up top girlfriend!

Dylan North:
[to William] Oh, Uh, have them catch you and Phoebe together?

Christina Beardsley:
You are really sick!

Dylan North:
Ok then have them catch "you" and Phoebe together?

Phoebe North:
How about they catch me with my hands around your neck?

Dylan North:
Two words, par and ty.

Dylan North:
[Christina gives him wierd look] Party!

Christina Beardsley:
Yeah, I got that.

Christina Beardsley:
[Christina catches Phoebe and Nick kissing in a tree] What are you doing?

Phoebe North:
Hey Christina.

Christina Beardsley:
You lied to me, you said he was a loser!

Phoebe North:
He is a loser.

Nick De Pietro:
Hey!

Phoebe North:
A very hot loser.

Nick De Pietro:
Cool

Christina Beardsley:
Thanks for the warning sis, I'll be sure to return the favor, first chance I get.

Nick De Pietro:
She sounds sweet

[Phoebe looks at him odd]

Dylan North:
Yeah, somebody might actually think your cool, If they didn't know you.

William Beardsley:
Ha! That's funny!

Frank Beardsley:
Well, Mrs. Munion, what do you think about Connecticut?

Mrs. Munion:
I'm delighted to be here the birth place of Lyme disease.

William Beardsley:
Okay, phase two. I think that we just need one more big thing to push them over the edge.

Dylan North:
[to William] Have them catch you and Phoebe together?

Christina Beardsley:
You're really sick.

Dylan North:
[to Christina] Okay, then have them catch you and Phoebe together.

Phoebe North:
How about they catch me with my hands around your neck?

Harry Beardsley:
Oh my God, who's killing a goat?

Frank Beardsley:
Don't worry, you'll soon be doing this in your sleep.

Dylan North:
I am asleep.

Aldo North:
Mom, no!

Helen North:
What, honey?

Aldo North:
Remember the old you? Spanking is NEVER the answer!

Mick North:
[Being chased by Christina] MOM! The cheerleader is after me!

Helen North:
Homes are for free expression, not for good impression.

Dylan North:
You couldn't get elected hall monitor for this.

Jimi North:
[Holding up a pink thong while laughing] Uh, Micheal, did you forget something?

Michael Beardsley:
[Pushing Jimi] Shut up!

Mrs. Munion:
[Grabs the thong] Oh! That's mine! [Smiles, while Jimi and Micheal look stunned]

Max:
What's on my head, what's on my head, what's' on my head?

Phoebe North:
Jimmy, we found Rainbow!

Ethan:
Admiral, is this lady going to be our new mommy?

Frank Beardsley:
I don't think so. It's just a blind date.

Otter Beardsley:
She can't see?

Ely Beardsley:
Can she navigate using sonar? Like a bat?

William Beardsley:
Done!

Dylan North:
Psh. You have an illness.

William Beardsley:
Hey. What are you doing?

Dylan North:
It's called decorating.

William Beardsley:
No, it's called vandalism.

Dylan North:
Whatever.

Christina Beardsley:
[on the phone] So that's Christina Beardsley.

Frank Beardsley:
Christina!

Christina Beardsley:
[on the phone] The zip is oh six three two oh.

Frank Beardsley:
Christina! We just moved here, who could you possibly be talking to?

Christina Beardsley:
Jay Crew. I want to make sure they change all my shipping information.

Frank Beardsley:
Sound off.

Christina Beardsley:
Three, four.

Frank Beardsley:
[sings] I don't care what I've been told.

Frank's Kids:
[sings] Coast guard kid's got lots of soul.

Frank Beardsley:
[sings] Sound off.

Frank's Kids:
[sings] One, two.

Harry Beardsley:
Admiral, this is our twelfth move in my lifetime.

Frank Beardsley:
I admire your record keeping Harry. First grade shifts log.

Mick North:
Why is Mommy crying?

Jimi North:
I think it's hormones.

Frank Beardsley:
Helen?

Helen North:
Frank?

Frank Beardsley:
Helen?

Helen North:
Frank Beardsley?

Frank Beardsley:
What are you doing here?

Helen North:
Well, I'm having dinner with my...

Max:
Frank. I'm Maxwell Grant.

Frank Beardsley:
Pleased to meet you. [to Helen] So what are you doing out here? Sit down, sit down, sit down.

Helen North:
Well, I've been back here forever. I didn't want my kids growing up in the whole money, status thing.

Frank Beardsley:
Yeah, that thing.

Helen North:
So are you in town for the reunion?

Frank Beardsley:
No, I... Umm... I moved my family back here. And I'm running the Coast Guard Academy.

Helen North:
Wow.

Frank Beardsley:
I'm an admiral.

Helen North:
Yeah.

Frank Beardsley:
That's why I'm wearing the uniform.

Helen North:
An admiral? Woah. With a family?

Frank Beardsley:
You too. It's great, I mean.

Helen North:
Yeah.

Max:
We're ready.

Helen North:
Okay. Well, it was great to see you again.

Frank Beardsley:
See you.

Helen North:
Okay, bye.

Max:
[after Helen falls off the chair] Were you distracted by his good conduct, medal?

Helen North:
Shut up, Max!

Helen North:
So... How many kids do you have?

Frank Beardsley:
Uh... How many kids do you have?

Helen North:
You first

Frank Beardsley:
Okay, look. You're going to find out eventually because there's too many to hide in the closet. I have eight kids.

Helen North:
[laughs] I have ten.

Frank Beardsley:
You have ten?

Helen North:
I have ten. [laughs]

Frank Beardsley:
So then I asked her to marry me.

Helen North:
And I said "yes".

Frank's Kids:
What?

Helen North:
Oh, it was spontaneous and so romantic.

William Beardsley:
You got married?

Christina Beardsley:
Without telling us?

Frank Beardsley:
Yeah, yeah.

William Beardsley:
At least when you were re-assigned at Guam, there was an e-mail.

Helen North:
Who wants the talking stick first?

Jimi North:
May I have it, please?

Helen North:
[handing him the stick] Yes, Jimi.

Jimi North:
Are you crazy? [the kids go riot and Helen takes the stick from Jimi]

Helen North:
Okay. I have the talking stick. He's a lovely, lovely man and I'm sorry we didn't include you. And he has...

Frank's Kids:
Ten kids?

Frank Beardsley:
Hey, guys. Guys! It'll be fun... Having ten new brothers and sisters.

Christina Beardsley, Phoebe North:
No way!

Mick North:
Hey, Fiona. Come back. Get out. Come on.

Christina Beardsley:
What is going on?

Mick North:
Come on. Give it to me.

Christina Beardsley:
[cell phone rings] Where's my cell phone? [Pig burps] You are so dead!

Mick North:
She's just a pig.

Christina Beardsley:
Not the pig. You!

Helen North:
Kids!

Frank Beardsley:
Sounds like they're bonding.

Helen North:
It doesn't sound like bonding to me Frank.

Frank Beardsley:
Hey, trust me. One hour of sea together and you'll be best friends.

Frank Beardsley:
Listen up. These are your schedules with the tree times. You get seven minutes each, do not waste it.

Phoebe North:
[to Christina] Come on, I have to get ready for school. Your face isn't big enough to hold that much make up.

Dylan North:
[to Phoebe] Nothing says time to come out of the bathroom like: *Fire!*

Christina Beardsley:
[to Helen's kids] You guys are so dead!

Otter Beardsley, Ely Beardsley:
Hi Dad! How do we stop this thing?

Frank Beardsley:
Otter! Ely! Stop! Hit the break! Hit the break!

Helen North:
We don't spank our children.

Michael Beardsley:
The admiral does.

Frank Beardsley:
Occasionally. A little pat on the butt sends a clear message.

Helen North:
Well you're not spanking my children.

Frank Beardsley:
I thought they were our children.

Helen North:
You're not spanking our children.

Frank Beardsley:
Okay, fine. Let's just let them all run naked and wild.

Kids:
Yay!

[last lines]

Frank Beardsley:
Leave the rest at the beep.

Otter Beardsley:
I get the top bunk 'cause I'm older.

Ely Beardsley:
By two minutes.

Frank Beardsley:
When I was in, I always had the bottom bunk?

Otter Beardsley:
Did the guy above you wet his bed?

Frank Beardsley:
Good point. Sound off.

Kelly Beardsley:
Three, four. Do they have girls' boxing at our new school?

Frank Beardsley:
I hope not.

Michael Beardsley:
Does not complaining about the move from Santiago count as my good dead for today?

Frank Beardsley:
I'd sign off on that.

Frank Beardsley:
Thats it I am putting the hammer down.

Aldo North:
Is it a real hammer.

Frank Beardsley:
No Aldo its just an expression

Aldo North:
I'm scared

Helen North:
O dont be honey

Ethan:
Should I go get the hammer sir.

Frank Beardsley:
Will anyone who lives here, please raise your hand. [They raise their hands]

Frank Beardsley:
Anyone else remaining here after five minutes, will be forcibly conscripted into the United States Coast Guard! [Everyone runs out]

Commandant Sherman:
Now what?

Frank Beardsley:
It's my kids.