Game Boys2008

Philip M. Wiswell:
General Custer is making his leap from the history books to your home video game system.

Steve:
You know, I'm gonna have to check a history book, but I really don't think that's how it went.

Philip M. Wiswell:
This is the granddaddy of wild west hoedowns; the game that is sure to cause a nation-wide game shortage all across America. And it is also the game that cannot be conquered, no matter how high the stamina of the player. The object of the game is to move General George Custer out of harm's way from the dangerous oncoming arrows, and right into the arms of his fair Indian maiden. If you get hit by one of the many arrows, your life won't be the only thing in the game that goes limp. Be careful for that oncoming chill as well. You'll want to move to the warmth and comfort of that naked flesh without wasting any valuable time.

Scott:
What f***ing oncoming chill?

Philip M. Wiswell:
You build up one point for every thrust, but don't be too sure of yourself once you get that perfect rhythm. After scoring fifty thrusts, the arrows begin coming at you harder and faster. Looks like the oncoming attackers are jealous of your smooth-taking moves! The only way to get the attackers back is to prove your own skill to be harder and faster. you get one extra life for every fifty points, but use them wisely, as men are not physically equipped to handle the multiple orgasm.

Steve:
He's got us there!

Philip M. Wiswell:
You may think to yourself, "Should I stop to let her breathe or pack her down with ice?" There's no need to fear, because as long as she keeps smiling, you're in good hands. Yup. Still smiling!

Ray:
Well, that's a relief!