I Could Never Be Your Woman2007

Older TV exec:
Courtney Love?

Producer:
Drugged-out hag.

Older TV exec:
Faye Dunaway?

Producer:
Don't call us, we'll call you!

Older TV exec:
Sharon Stone?

Producer:
Hag.

Older TV exec:
Geena Davis?

Producer:
Hag.

Older TV exec:
Sigourney Weaver?

Producer:
Hag.

Older TV exec:
Kim Basinger?

Producer:
Hag.

Older TV exec:
Emma Thompson?

Producer:
Brit hag.

Older TV exec:
Susan Sarandon?

Producer:
Red-state-alienating hag!

Older TV exec:
Meg Ryan?

Producer:
Too much plastic surgery.

Older TV exec:
Melanie Griffith?

Producer:
WAY too much plastic surgery.

Older TV exec:
Patricia Heaton?

Producer:
*Pointless* plastic surgery.

Older TV exec:
CHER.

Producer:
*Insurmountable* amount of plastic surgery!

Rosie:
[who's been overhearing all this from the next chair & getting increasingly annoyed, swings round & grabs the Producer by the chin] Listen, you little bird of a man, where do you come off insulting these women? How many hit songs did you sing? How many Oscars do *you* have? Could you look cute next to Warren Beatty? Or live with Don Johnson? Or act with Ted Danson? You're not worthy of kissing Cher's tattooed ass!