Jeff Dunham: Minding the Monsters2012

Jeff Dunham:
[relating a story from his childhood when cars had no seat belts] I would run around back there, and when my mother was driving, she would not pay any attention to me. My mother, still to this day, has a big, giant beehive hairdo. Pretty much Marge Simpson hair, but not the same color, you know what I'm saying? Looks like that. She also has these giant curlers she uses, and she put them all over her hair. And I remember standing in the backseat, and I would look at her hair, this big, giant beehive of hairdo, all held together with AquaNet. And these big, giant curlers would make these holes, which looked like caves to me. I imagined they were a maze of caves in her hair like this. I remember standing back there, staring at the hair, and then I looked over on the seat of the car and, oh, there's a little rubber, plastic spider, a black spider. This is all true. I took that black spider, and I put it right on the edge of one of the curls. Fantastic, looked great. I'm sitting there, looking at it, and I thought, nah, that's not good enough. I found a pencil. I took the pencil. She's not paying any attention. This is all true. Didn't know I was doing this. And I took that pencil and ever so gently pushed it back to the back of the curl, deep into the caves of curls. Gone! Four days later... I'm not kidding. Four days later, my bedroom was right next to my parents' bathroom. My mother would comb out of her hair about once a month. It was four days later, she's in the bathroom, combing out her hair. The bloodcurdling scream that came when that spider fell onto her lap was worth the beating I took later that night.