Jeff Foxworthy: Totally Committed1998

Jeff Foxworthy:
What my wife meant when she said she needed to get ready for bikini season was that she was about to go have a procedure done to her that is called a bikini wax. And to hear her describe this horror...

[laughter]

Jeff Foxworthy:
Apparently, she paid somebody.

[pause]

Jeff Foxworthy:
*Paid* somebody. To pour lava hot scalding wax on her inner thighs. And then the two of them chatted for a little while until the wax had dried, and then the women grabbed the wax and YANKED the hair out.

[laughter]

Jeff Foxworthy:
If you ever hear of somebody doing this to me, rest assured there was a *gun* to my head. Because you yank the hair out of my inner thigh, I will tell you where my grandmother hides her money.

[laughter]

Jeff Foxworthy:
That's the most horrible thing I've ever heard of. We should implement that as a penalty in our judicial system.

[laughter]

Jeff Foxworthy:
"You've been found guilty of breaking and entering. For the next twelve months, you are required to get a bikini wax every two weeks." No, Your Honor, have mercy on me! "And if I catch you back in here, you're gonna have to have a butt wax, too."

[laughter]

Jeff Foxworthy:
[covering his face in embarrassment] I'm sorry, I don't know where that came from. You guys are going to be in bed tonight, asleep, I'm going to be staring at the ceiling: "Butt wax?"

[laughs to himself]

Jeff Foxworthy:
It's like something you'd buy in a drug store, doesn't it? But not an impulse purchase, no.

[pause]

Jeff Foxworthy:
"Excuse me, what aisle is the butt wax on, please?" Do you want the scented or the unscented butt wax? "I need the unscented. There's a lot of dogs in our neighborhood."

[laughter]